How my life has changed these past months. I have officially stopped cutting for awhile now. I feel weird sometimes because i know that people can see all my scars and they immediately judge me, but dont say anything and i feel like maybe i shouldnt make other people uncomfortable like that..
Ive had my ex, the one from before, ask me back out and i couldnt do it, i had a really good friend ask me out too and it was awkward because i couldnt bring myself to tell him no to his face, i never answered him, I feel really guilty now. Im currently back on speaking terms with my boyfriend from before and im having him at my birthday party this weekend, we will be meeting for the first time face to face since like ’04. I wish that it was different, that we could hang out, but we cant until this summer. sigh.
I just have been real blah lately, when i dont get to talk to him i feel the sadness swelling up inside me and i just get so tired, and moody. But when i talk to him, i feel like im not alone and that the world isnt smothering me anymore. Like my own personal sun. He still makes me a better person and makes me really happy and i dont want my parents to ruin that, i know that theyll say no to him because im 16 nd really young to them but im not, ive been sheltered my entire life by them. Ughhh.