Im home , after 2 days in the ward. Im home , and i can honestly say i wish i was back in the ward.
the title says it all… Im done , with everything …  Oh they will suffer alright – when they are freaking looking at my gravestone, They will be responsible for everything i have done to myself. You  might as well trial them for murder , because they will be the reason why im dead.
The constant reminders ” What you feel is a sin , and you will burn in hell” Well , this night may be the one night where this wrong feels so right. You wish that i was dead , you will get your wish… Because i will stop fighting the wrong – Because this wrong doesn’t feel right – It is right..
Today it was decided that for my safety and my little sisters safety it would be better to put me in a ward for a couple of weeks or months… You see that my mother is a extremely strict Christian – And after i came out to my family as a homosexual – She know believes i am possessed by a demon… So after a couple times of trying to kill myself because my father is disappointed at me , and tells me im disgusting she decide for ” my own good ” And “The protection of my little sister” That i need to go […]
Daddy don’t tell me that im disgusting and  that being like me is wrong , I want you to hug me and tell me that you are proud of me and that you love me .
Daddy don’t scream at me because i wanna die , I want you to tell me that im gonna be okay.
Daddy don’t ignore me , I want you to spend time with me
Daddy don’t sit there and get drunk , Â I want to be able to talk to you when you are sober.
Daddy don’t leave me here wanting to die… Daddy don’t
seeing i have ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING left to live for , Â im gonna kill myself very soon. I can’t help but ask myself – will they miss me ? or will they just turn my little sister into a trophy too ? Will they understand ? or will they just be angry at me for being ” a coward ” Will they read my letters to them? Or will they just throw it away like they did with my happiness. Will they cry ? or will they just stay there in shock ? Will they say they never saw it comming? Â Will they force my sister […]
why – a word that we use on a daily basis , a word that we use to ask people – why did you do that , yet it has so much more meaning if you are me – WHY ?!?!?! thats what they ask me , when i woke up after passing out on the floor of my church from pills , why would you do this why ? why? when my counsler asks why?  when people find out that i wanna die Why?  My mother asks me Why? why? ….. The  world asks me why? why do you wanna die – The awnser is simple […]
Im trying to write my final note – But i don’t wanna sound to boring and ” woah is me ” – so without further ado is an excerpt from my suicide letter –
I lost interest in everything , even music , Music was my everything , my comfort , my hobbies , my lifestyle , Even being a piano player for eight years you would think i would have come to love and cherish every moment i could play on my beloved piano- But i was ( excuse me – am) so broken , even my beloved music couldn’t […]
My little sister is nine – and since im somewhat glad to say that tonight will be my last night – i wrote letters to all my family members , and friends – this is to my little sister when she gets older….The Following is a letter to sofia ( please give to Mom and Dad until sofia reaches 12 or until you feel that you need to give it to her)
Hey Lil’ sis ! Miss you – If your reading this – then you know that im dead , and i have been dead for a long time now… I would love to have […]
I keep praying to God for him to kill me …. but he doesn’t … you want to know what i have to say about that – WHY THE HELL NOT??? i mean i guess i have talent ( i mean second place in nationals in piano is definently something to brag about) BUT my parents treat me like a trophy … I HATE IT HERE … but i can’t kill myself or i will burn in hell , doesn’t God understand this .. i don’t wanna live on earth anymore , why does he keep me here … i hate it … I’ll always […]
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!! my mother says she does but i know she doesn’t , she is taking out all the pain of her childhood on me , My father is an alcoholic – and no matter how hard i try i cannot impress them , i play piano until my hands bruise so bad my whole hand is blue! i sing and win awards , and dance until my arms and legs cannot move. But its never enough… They think my little sister is the best things since sliced bread!!! she tells me to die everyday , and i only have one true friend […]
I hate my family so much, everyone hates me , why should i live anymore …. what do i have to live for … to get up and hate myself more and more everyday… hell no …. life sucks….
Hi … Im lydia… My parents are rich , its not that i don’t like having all this stuff , its just that they think that they can make up for all the stuff they screw up by buying me things… My dad is at work 24/7 , and my mom was abused by her father as a child , so she takes it out on me… […]