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maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Only a little relapse

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 3/25/2013

Hi all
I hope everyone feels at least as well as I do.

Today was weird, really weird. Well, oha its hard for me to explain what I want. I must give it a try.

Humâ€¦. Honestly I donâ€™t know what I want to tell you.

In the afternoon I got those stomach acheâ€™s I get from lovesickness. Maybe itâ€™s because I spend the last 4 days a few hours with my love, yes the same person from last year.

I struggled hard with myself this afternoon. I was pretty much nearly crying, â€¦ I donâ€™t know what happened. I thought I am okay, I am done with my […]

3/25/2013 0 comment

“Happy Birthday!”

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 1/4/2013

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

My family told me 2 days ago. Two days ago was my birthday. Well, my family were the only one who congratulated me in person, the one I love just send a SMS, well she wanted to go ice-skating with me on my birthday, my family hold me back from meeting her. Got no friends who congratulated me in person. 🙁 All I recognized is that she went to lunch with an other guy, after all the weekends we ate together. I don’t know why this makes me so sick and jealous. It is now nearly one year ago that she rejected me.

All I learned […]

1/4/2013 6 comments

I want to share this with you, maybe some of you will like it…

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 8/22/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Just a Â littleÂ verse in english of a german electronic band, that made me feel very well. I loved the moment when I heard this one the first time 🙂

” … Life is beautiful, you only have to see it. When everything gets too gray, just screw in the color. I have seen in my travels that we seek happiness because we don’t understand. because we don’t understand … ”

I hope things will get better for all of us. But sometimes I think we just have to make the best of our lives, because sometimes live is better to us, then we think it is. Take […]

8/22/2012 0 comment

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 7/31/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Hey all,

I know this forum isn’t the best place for this post, but I just wanted to talk to someone and tell someone how I feel.

It was a pretty busy day for me. I talked a lot to other people ( 2 persons). But when I came home today I felt so down and depressed. I don’t know why, but somehow I lost interest in life. Every second day I feel so depressed for no particular reason. I don’t think I am depressed or suffer from an other brain illness, its just that I put my life in a state where I disconnected absolutely from […]

7/31/2012 2 comments

not really worth reading

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 7/3/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

hey there,

this is just a little text I wrote, thoughts that were in my mind today,

In the last time I started to dislike other people, or at least my antipathy against humans got stronger. I am feeling like there is no one out there who is worthy to know. People around me are so unsteady, today one of my colleagues decided to study something else, because she didn’t passed the math exam. So another human being left my life although I barely had anything to do with her. I can’t see a reason to spend time with others. Of course there are a few guys […]

7/3/2012 0 comment

I really need some very good advice…

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 6/16/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Hi all,

I wasn’t around for a while but i am still not ok at all. My problem is that I can’t enjoy my life. I just started crying without any reason. I know, that it would be good to do something like going swimming, or jogging or something else. But I am feeling so down I can barely start anything. Today there is a really huge city-party, where thousands of people are going. But I keep telling myself, that I won’t go there alone, because everytime I went in the public alone, I started feeling even more lonely. Unfortunately I dont have someone to go […]

6/16/2012 3 comments

Sorry guys, but I can’t help myself feeling lonely

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 5/24/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

again, I am in this deep hole. I am feeling very lonely here 🙁 All those people who are around me over the day, no one to talk to and if I try to start a talk with someone they just leave me alone 🙁 I have holidays next week and they will be like hell again. A whole week where no one in my age talks to me. I am just so tired of searching for friends, unfortunately I am also so tired of being alone. I hate everything at the moment. I hate how I fail at everything I do. I hate myself […]

5/24/2012 1 comment

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 5/17/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

It’s a beautiful world we live in
A sweet romantic place
Beautiful people everywhere
The way they show they care makes me want to say
It’s a beautiful world
Oh what a beautiful world
For you

It’s a wonderful time to be here
It’s nice to be alive
Wonderful people everywhere
The way they comb their hair makes me want to say
It’s a wonderful place
Oh what a wonderful place
For you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, not me.

~Rage Against The Machine~

I love that so song so much and often I feel like this song so true. I […]

5/17/2012 1 comment

staying sober is hard I know

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 5/5/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

May 5 2012 Day 1

Today I had an idea. It is a good idea I think. From this day I will stay sober! There is this really disgusting habit(addiction) I have and I do believe it influenced my life in a way I never imagined. I know I can’t get the girl I love, even if I stay sober now for ever, but I can help myself a lot. I hope my emotional roller coaster will stop. It is not a serious problem, nothing life threating, but my addiction is bad for me. Very bad. I am feeling so sick every time after I lived […]

5/5/2012 4 comments

It is so beautiful outside!

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 5/1/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

It is so beautiful outside! It is really warm and sunny. Â just look at this blue sky, such a deep blue…

Here I am sitting in my apartment, looking out of the window, wondering what is live for.

I am so disappointed from live. Everything has come different then I thought. All those people I don’t know. All those people who are outside having fun together. Why? what is so funny about being outside with people you barely know? I don’t want to meet new people, it is so exhausting, always introducing myself and almost every time I check them out and know that we won’t become […]

5/1/2012 1 comment

Your son should be in a psychiatric institution

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 4/27/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Oh look, the window is open and I am in the 9. Floor. Enough distance to the ground for me. What would people say if I will go mad? Hey mom! Your son is in a psychiatric institution. What would all the people think? I wish I would die now. NOW! FUCK FOR SAKE I CANâ€™T FORGET YOU â€¦.. and I can barely live without you. No one left for me. Canâ€™t see a reason for being on earth anymore. I know where you were some hours ago. I know I was invited too. Why didnâ€™t I came with you? WHY THE FUCK did I […]

4/27/2012 4 comments

another diary entry…

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 4/26/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Can’t concentrate. Can’t concentrate since I saw you today. Since you asked me if I was coming, since I said â€œnoâ€. I felt so horrible. I said â€œnoâ€, but my heart screamed out loud “yes, of course!”. Unfortunately you couldn’t hear my heart screaming and beating loud. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to say anything else, then â€œnoâ€. Unfortunately I couldn’t lie to you, because I never lie intentionally to you.

My thoughts were racing to fast for meâ€¦â€why are you not coming? Because she will go there to! Yeah but don’t you want to be around her? Of course I want so badly to be around […]

4/26/2012 0 comment

when heart takes out the brain, it gets dangerous

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 4/17/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Now I think a little bit different about my life. My life is lonely. I should never trust someone, so I can’t get hurt. Even if someone wants to meet me, I shouldn’t trust them. Never trust someone a single word about feelings or opinions. I must become cold so I can’t get hurt again.

People aren’t continuous. They come and go like they want. Speak to you when they want, obviously nearly no one here at university wants to speak to me, but I am also not interested in talking to people who can’t understand me the slightest.Â Maybe they will come into my live when […]

4/17/2012 2 comments

Hallo world, please someone help me….

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 4/16/2012

written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Hi all,

I read now some stories of the suicide project and I know that some of you have to deal far bigger problems then I have to, but I just can’t help myself. Your posts always encouraged me not to give up on anything and I will not commit suicide by now and I think I won’t ever do so. I know some of you by now really well. Â alina_01 I have read a lot of your stories. All tough we don’t have the same situation. I feel with you. I hope someday you will find your peace and get a good live again. I […]

4/16/2012 1 comment