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It’s the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you……

by michael93
written by michael93

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMGh3Ts5-WQ

 

 

I still regret my mistakes, each breathing second I live my heart breaks… They say there’s someone out there for everyone.. what happens when you fuck it up because you were stupid, young, and loved getting high…

 

I’ll forever be in debt to my sins as a child.. Will never be able to flourish into a man.. I miss her so much I can hardly think.

 

They say suicide is selfish…. isn’t it equally as selfish to force someone to live a life of pain just to make you happy?

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Are you going to say that I am crazy too?

by michael93
written by michael93

I actually took advice… I seeked help

 

I have wanted to die for the past several years that I can remember. Not as much for the reason of hating life; moreso the desire for all the pain around me to stop.

A sum up.. I grew up with a family who abused drugs and alcohol. Never had a real parental figure that helped me distinguish “right or wrong” or even a good sense of morals.  I have had multiple relationships but all ended badly. I blame myself moreso because my first ever love had committed suicide when we were 16.

 

With that and a whole lot more that […]

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At the end of my rope…

by michael93
written by michael93

The following sucks really bad.. I’m sorry. I just wish this were my last day on earth.

 

My true story

 

You sing country in the shower.

I got high to Nirvana.

You found salvation, and praised the lord.

I’d got drunk and partied when bored.

 

You’d run on your track or swim on your back.

I made all the wrong stops, always ran from the cops.

 

You’re heart and brains will take you so far.

For myself, all I’ve got is my guitar.

 

You were honest, loving and pure.

I was a shithead, afraid and insecure.

 

Now I must let you go, I must set you free.

For I know that in my heart. You’ll always deserve much […]

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Letter to Darcy

by michael93
written by michael93

I like most of you find myself alone. I’ve found myself caught in tar trap. Fighting for a reason to surface.. Only to drown yet again..

But this… This one, is for Darcy..

 

 

D– Is for the demons, she hides with every blink. For every day she spends awry, with too much pain to even think.

A– For the angel watching her from above. With the warmth of a baby’s laughter and a mother’s love.

R– Is for remember, for that is what I’ll do. I don’t know what I’d do; with only memories of you.

C– For her care that makes ones mind go racing. I know tomorrow will be […]

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I never realised how stupid I am..

by michael93
written by michael93

I go on here to hear people’s stories. I try to comfort people I know personally who wish that they were dead just like me. I see news articles on cnn about a teen girl who killed herself because she couldn’t take it.. Hell, I’ve had friends and even a love in the past that had taken their own life..

 

And now I take a second to think.. Who the fuck am I to try to save a life.. when I can’t even save my own? I’m drinking tonight.

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I never thought.. I’d die alone

by michael93
written by michael93

I laughed the loudest, who’d have known?

I took my time, I hurried up. The choice was mine I didn’t think enough.

I’m too depressed, to go on. You won’t be sorry when I’m gone.

 

I never thought, I’d die alone.

Another six months, I’ll be unknown.

Give my things, to all my friends. You’ll never set foot in my room again.

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You said that I’ll never change… but what the fuck do you know?

by michael93
written by michael93

I ask if some of you can take a minute to read something of mine. Its not special. I used to love writing. Poetry and the art of literature was my passion. Unfortunately like most of me.. it has died. I wrote something for the first time in many years tonight.. As I keep myself from wishing I could end my life.

 

Ugh.. fuck! I’ve always hated my birthday.

 

 

You used to be there. Holding me tight; you made me whole.

You were my love, my heart, and everything in between. Until you peered into my soul.

 

I asked you to stay. You told me no.

Why did I have […]

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Why when we do our darkest deeds do we tell?.. It burns in your mind, becomes a living hell

by michael93
written by michael93

I’ve got a secret…

I’ve lived with this empty void inside for as long as I can remember. Truly hating life and the people in it. It got worse when not only did I find out the love of my life commited suicide.. She was pregnant.. With another mans child. I also lost my mother emotionally to Heroin..

What’s my secret?…

Saving a life.. Getting to know you all personally.. Doing everything in my power to make an impact on a broken heart, and torn soul.. It keeps my mind off me..

So next time you can… Just say hi to someone. Means the world to me. I’m sure […]

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Katiebear

by michael93
written by michael93

I just wanted to write in response to your “not posting here anymore” post..

 

And just know that you’re not alone.. Theres always somebody here for you.. And you’ll find them by not looking for them, but by them finding you.

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My suicide letter

by michael93
written by michael93

Allowing myself to drink a little is probably not the best way to make choices. But its been another one of those nights. The kind you find yourself reading the back of prescription bottles, and the kind where you mosey on over to Suicide Project and look for someone hurting who can be helped..

In this case all I have reverted to was reading the suicide letter I wrote over a year ago tucked under my bead. Still there, still unchanged.. Still reads…

 

 

“I want to thank everyone for the world they’ve built around me. And unfortunately its not a world in which I feel ever had […]

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“You’re parents say everything is your fault. But they don’t know you, like I do. They don’t know you at all”

by michael93
written by michael93

I just wanted to say hello again.. It’s been a while since I reached out on here. A lot of new names.. similar stories. I just wanted to say hello.. I’m still alive, and still debating each day why I’m still here.. Seeing you guys and seeing people who have gone through what they have really helps.. Helps me know I’m not alone.

 

And know that neither are you…

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No longer afraid…

by michael93
written by michael93

For so long I’ve wanted to finally do it.. end it all. But I’ve always been afraid to do so. Always had that restrain from finally cutting the vein..

 

 

What does it mean now that I’m no longer afraid..?  I’ve seen it all… I’ve seen friends die, I’ve seen children and wives being beaten by their fathers.. I’ve been so myself. I’ve seen drugs tear apart even the wisest of men. At this point in death there is no way it can be any worse than where I am now.. This might actually be a legitimate goodbye.

 

 

Thank you all

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Another sleepless night.

by michael93
written by michael93

I’ve run out of my complaints. Its just when theres no where else to turn I think of my friends on here. At least I know I’m not alone. I hate others are going through the same, but it also gives me ease of mind.. it makes me feel more human.

 

This is normally the part where I wish you all well, and encourage you all to keep living… However in all reality I envy those who had the courage to end it.. because I wish I had that strength so bad. Especially now.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMGh3Ts5-WQ

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Forever in debt to your priceless advice..

by michael93
written by michael93

I have a story to share. And who best than a bunch of people who I could care less if they judge me… thats right. If you do then fuck you.. People always wonder what makes a man finally pull the trigger.. or swallow the pills; finally have that courage to end their life..

 

I grew up idolizing and almost worshiping Kurt Cobain. Yet always questioned why he ended his life.. now I understand why.. the pain. the demons life can bring along.. Here is my story..

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Summer of 2010.. I was 17 years old. My girlfriend was the love of my life. I gave everything for […]

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Just want it to stop

by michael93
written by michael93

Liquor barley helps. Sleep is non existent. Letting go of life seems so pathetic and dramatic. Yet its the only thing that I know right now that will stop the pain. I just want to feel peace even if its for 5 measly minutes. Anything to drown the pain of knowing every time I open my eyes in the morning or shut them at night.. that I’m entirely alone. Maybe some people were born by mistake

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We bleed, just to know we’re alive.

by michael93
written by michael93

Its hard to put into words how much I truly hate every second of living on this earth. For reasons and forces unknown I wasn’t ever meant to be anything of value. my parents admit i was a mistake, not aborting me was an even bigger one. now im paying for their mistakes.

From kindergarten to highschool, I was always outcast. I was the kid that didn’t even get bullied because he was of lower social stature. which made no sense, I was nice. I always helped out and always tried to be a good friend. In all it was everybody’s fetish to use me for […]

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