Its hard to put into words how much I truly hate every second of living on this earth. For reasons and forces unknown I wasn’t ever meant to be anything of value. my parents admit i was a mistake, not aborting me was an even bigger one. now im paying for their mistakes.
From kindergarten to highschool, I was always outcast. I was the kid that didn’t even get bullied because he was of lower social stature. which made no sense, I was nice. I always helped out and always tried to be a good friend. In all it was everybody’s fetish to use me for what they wanted and leave me alone once they got it all.
Now friends, girlfriends, and everyone has always been the same. They pretend they like me. I get attached and thing I’m blessed for a moment. Once they get my money or once I help them through a rough patch in their life they leave me and never talk to me again. Girlfriends make me fall in love and promise loyalty, yet they cheat on me and one even sent pictures of it to my phone..
I’d give anything to be hated because I’m fat. Or Ugly, or Bald, or anything normal. I’m not those things but I am hated for no reason. I was a mistake, and I am so tired of pretending I matter. my birthday I was alone. Nobody remembered not even my parents or siblings. Nobody of this earth remembered the day I was born for the past 3 years. I wish I knew why. and it hurts because I care so much for other people. I try to have good karma. I gave a bum a ride and bought him subway. yet im still the guy that fades away into the background.
I love when people say “remember me for who I was”.. in this case I want to be forgotten entirely. Not like I was ever anything of value. tonight I get to bring my pain to an end.. and finally I wont hurt anymore. </3
7 comments
im sorry. don’t do it. you can find REAL people on this blog you dont need to keep looking for people who dont understand because everyone on here does. so please just give us a chance to be the better friends you never had. you sound like an amazing person and an evenn more amazing friend. they dont deserve to have you as an amazing friend and boyfriend if they treat you like that. just give other people a chance. i know you might not want to but please dont give up yet.
stay strong,
hoping….
I want to so much. No offense to you of course but its ridiculous that someone online on a suicide project website is really the only person to talk to me in a long time who hasn’t wanted something
That’s really rough, and I’m sorry life has been so unfair to you. I feel for you, if that’s worth anything at all to you
You know, it’s kinda possible, really sad, but possible that you are surrounded by the wrong type of people.
Maybe you just haven’t found your spot in life yet?
And it sounds like it’s depressing you.
But other people being pricks isn’t your fault.
By the way, happy birthday I’m sorry I’m late!
ha yeah i guess you’re right micheal but it’s somewhere to start right?
Hi Michael, I see this blog as I searched for people and stories similar to mine. I put “I am kind but I am hated” and then I found this post. I know that it’s been over a year since you posted it, and the first thing I pray for us that you are still holding up and life had opened a silver lining for you. I hope my thoughts could help you feel better.
There are very nice people like you in this world who are willing sacrifices for people they care about and who knows to appreciate for others. And I want you to know that we as human beings are created in a imperfect form and all human beings are imperfect. Many of us have the privilege of loved and enlightened by goodness and choose to fight the sins in ourselves and be a better person. Some of us have not been given this privilege yet, and those are the people who do not treat you the way you deserve. They are loathsome, but they are also the very miserable people who cannot see, hear and understand. They are the ones who needs salvation.
I have been in your shoes. I’d like to recommend a book to you: the Prophet written by Kahlil Gibran. He said:
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cups that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hallowed with knives?”
So, be patient. Follow the bright side of your heart, and do what it tells you. You will find the things that worth you living for an fight for.
Sorry for a confusing sentence in my comment. The first sentence of the second paragraph should be “There are very nice people like you in this world who are willing to sacrifice for people they care about and who knows to feel and show appreciation to others”.