I actually took advice… I seeked help
I have wanted to die for the past several years that I can remember. Not as much for the reason of hating life; moreso the desire for all the pain around me to stop.
A sum up.. I grew up with a family who abused drugs and alcohol. Never had a real parental figure that helped me distinguish “right or wrong” or even a good sense of morals. I have had multiple relationships but all ended badly. I blame myself moreso because my first ever love had committed suicide when we were 16.
With that and a whole lot more that cant be put into words, I’ve developed from a self destructive teenager to a young just as self destructive adult.. I decided to take help that a friend recommended.. Just to try.. I am willing to try anything that keeps me from blowing myself away right now…
It was how I imagined.. but worse. They said I was crazy, wanted to put me in a house where I could be watched. Wanted to pump me with drugs.. Didn’t even look at me like I was human. All I wanted was a person to listen.. and when I tried.. they threw all my fears at my face with a “diagnosed label”….  That hurt.. a lot. . They called me selfish for wanting to end my life..
So I left the office stating “Isn’t it equally as selfish to force someone to a life they no longer wish to have?”
4 comments
What kind of “help” did you seek. A general counselor / therapist / psychologist does not really deal in medications or locking people up. If you went to a psychiatrist, those are actually the people who look at these issues as medical problems, and immediately turn to drugs and mental wards. Psychiatrists can write prescriptions and all that, psychologists can’t because they aren’t actually MD medical doctors. A therapist can only recommend you to someone who CAN write you a prescription if they feel you need it.
I know how you feel. I tried an actual psychiatrist once when I was going through a bad breakup, I didn’t want to go but I finally gave in after my family insisted, and this person hardly listened to my story for maybe 2 minutes before she already knew what pill she wanted to give me.
Therapists are different, I saw one for a couple months earlier this year. We just talked. She did eventually try to recommend some medication for me but I was able to refuse it and she couldn’t do anything about it.
I don’t know who she was to be honest.. all I know is she looked at me sub-human… made it seem like that just because I dont want to live that i’m “insane”
It’s like.. really?
I hate it when people tell you you are being selfish because you want to end your life. That never made any sense to me. Obviously they don’t get it.
Trust yourself.