mintcigs
i’ve been seeing a psychiatrist or whatever and she prescribed me some med called seroprin-24. it works well, but i don’t want to depend on it. i didn’t take em at all yesterday and i feel down as fuck.
gosh, i just wanna disappear. or, how i wish i could freeze time for as long as i want and resume living when i feel ready. mental exhaustion is the worst kind of tiredness. i wish being constantly high had no consequences, i would never be sober. not to sound like i’m addicted (because i really am not) but i love drugs especially psychedelics and i can’t wait […]
I’ve posted before about how my family found out I’m suicidal and they would tell me that I’ll go to a bad place if I kill myself.
I met a psychologist for the first time last week and she told me too that I wouldn’t be happy if I commit suicide.
It’s like they want me to fear killing myself. I don’t see it that way but at the same time, I see why they would.
I think whatever you think will happen to you after you’ve taken your own life is what will happen.
My mom found my rope today.
It was awkward telling her why I’m suicidal. I didn’t tell her the whole reason.
It hurt seeing her cry, though.
I’m a little thankful she found the rope but at the same time, I’m not.
Sigh.
I am not denying the fact that life is beautiful. That there is so much in life that’s worth staying here for.
But, I do not feel like I belong here. This isn’t where I’m supposed to be.
I don’t want to die because I’m depressed or ungrateful for this life on Earth. But, it’s just that I feel off being in this existence.
Realization have changed my perspective on many things.
There’s so much going on in my mind that words can never express. So many things that I am that cannot be expressed. I feel so constricted in this physical reality, physical body. I probably […]