I’ve posted here before. I was in a bad way five days ago, so bad I was kind of sure it was the end. I started planning my suicide and making arrangements. But I left a post to warn my friends on a website and they brought me back. Not far enough to get suicide off the list, but enough not to go through with it. I called my aunt, she told my grandmother and older brother and my parents. It’s a little awkward with them acting like they are walking on eggshells and that makes me feel bad. I’ve been prescribed Citalopram by my […]
Late at night when the house is quiet
And the neighbours are asleep
And the white flattened spheres are
Begging me to punch through their foil
Tear through the knife drawer, jump off
The roof and dance my way into hell
I walk out the door.
Down the dark streets, down the back
Alleys and dark playgrounds and empty
Churches and roaring loud pubs and
Dark corners outside street lamps,
Hooded teens huddle outside the
Kebab house ignoring me and happy.
I walk along the street.
And look up at the stars, hear the sounds
Of a sleepy city nightlife, see the little
Squares of light twinkling in the invisible
Blocks of flats and suddenly I smile, ever
So slightly. I am not […]
Although I am very depressed at the moment, most of my previous posts are just long rants about that so I decided that, for Easter, I would post a true, Easter-related, funny story. Perhaps it will make you laugh, perhaps it won’t, either way it’s just a silly story from a girl desperate to *cough* check out early.
PS (I am not religious, this may offend those that are for my ignorance within the story).
When I was a child most Primary schools in Britain were somehow religious, even my school, which was not stated as religious, was run by a Christian headmaster who encouraged us to […]
This might be funny, I don’t know. I’ve been suicidal for weeks (months on and off) and been thinking about it this past days. A lot of reasons why; university, family problems, legal issues, self-hatred blah blah blah. Anyway, I decide to watch a couple of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle episodes out of boredom with my little brother and end up watching an episode called ‘Same As It Never Was’.
Now, I’ve got three brothers and I’d be lying if I said the turtle superhereos don’t remind me of us. So this episode has one of the turtle brothers transported to a nightmare future where their […]
To everyone, please think before you act. You are more amazing than you think. I have a fortune that came out of a fortune cookie, it says “No matter what your past has been, you have a spotless future.” And it’s true. I have seen so many amazing people on here, inspiring people, children, teenagers, adults, parents, survivors and people on the brink of despair. I have read posts from people who could be soulmates, people who are beyond ‘saving’ and have made up their minds. I wish you all well and hope that, if death does take you, that it brings what you want.
I’ve posted here before, a couple of times. This time though… I’m not sure if I’m going to make it. This year, I knew something was up, on the eve of my 20th birthday I felt more regret, dispair and suicidal than I ever had before. Since then, I seem to be living in constant paranoid fear, regretting everything I’ve done in the past. It feels as though I can no longer excape. Yesterday I started planning my suicide, I have never done this before. I planned to write a suicide note, post ‘goodbyes and sorrys’ on every website I am a member of and […]
I am, truly, selfish and evil and a demon and ugly. I want to die so badly. Sometimes I’m okay but at any moment I just break down, my eyes are constantly sore. I keep, or at least I kept, telling myself everything would be okay, but it just gets worse and worse. I feel even worse and selfish when I see the suffering around me and I try to tell myself my life is great and I need to stop being a horrible person but it doesn’t work.
I turned 20 in January, it already feels like my life is over. I thought I […]
I have quite a lazy view on suicide. It’s one of those things I’ve thought about and often considered from the age of 12/13, I am currently 19. I think me killing myself, in fact I’m rather convinced, that everyone’s lives would be better without me. I’m really quite a disappointment to my family and I feel like I’ve failed them. I want to succeed, but I do not feel motivated or happy, ever. I’ve grown up on the autistic spectrum and have always been lonely and unable to understand or epathise with others. When I was in my pre-teens I developed a phobia of […]