Is it possible to pay someone to create a noose for me?
I actually reached out tonight to the National Suicide Prevention chat online. I’m still on it in another window. It’s a little comforting so far. My urges to end my life aren’t so overwhelming now. Has anyone else had experience with them? I was actually kind of afraid that they would dispatch cops or someone to come take me to a hospital. It sounds absurd, but I’ve heard of it happening before.
I find some sick satisfaction in judging others. I always compete. I always need to be better than anyone else. I always fail to be. I’m so negative. I loathe myself. My body is so hairy, even as a female, because I have PCOS and Hirsutism. My stomach is HUGE even though I lost 30lbs (I went from 140 to 110 last year but I look 150. I’m 5ft 3). My wardrobe is that of a 5th grader. I can’t afford anything new. I’m always afraid I’m going to be homeless. I have been dating a guy for 7 years who is abusive in all […]
Not even sure why I’m posting this. I have absolutely no reason to not end my life right now.
It’s too hard to watch everyone but me get married, travel, do great things. I’m just sitting here, wasting away, working on a business that’s failing hard in it’s first week, and I have no money. Yes, I’ve applied to actual jobs and have been in the long process of a government position. Nothing’s really happening for me. It’s far too depressing. I’ve tried very hard for things to happen. Honestly, I’ve held a few campaigns from DoSomething.org, I’ve started my new business a week ago, hired so many new sales consultants to generate business (so far, nothing despite their 10+ years sales experience), and I […]
Just another day of fighting with my fiancee. God, I CAN’T wait to find employment and move out of here. I have to. It’s so miserable knowing that I’m a 25 year old who will never be married as long as I’m with him. He’s verbally and physically abusive, and never sorry about it. He controls everything and takes so much from me. When his plans fall through, it’s my fault, or anyone else’s but his. He literally believes that he is God, and should actually be locked up in a psych ward. The amount of times that I should have called the cops on […]
Days like today make me recount the week that I was hospitalized and my mother was the ONLY person who visited me, aside from my fiancee, who expressed the entire time how much he didn’t want to be there and constantly found excuses to go do stuff somewhere else. I’m so lonely. I’m not sure what it is about me that just repulses people. Nobody acts like they truly want to spend time with me. Right now I’m sitting alone at my kitchen table while I watch all of my fiancee’s friends play the new Mario Kart 8. There’s nowhere for me to sit and […]
I know it sounds odd that I post this on here, but honestly it would help ME if you help my fiancee. His unemployment has been the cause of so much stress and depression in our lives. Please, if you know anyone who is hiring a Senior Network/Systems Administrator within the Houston area, let me know and I will give you contact info…
I can’t even type everything that’s going on with me. It doesn’t help me to tell people what’s going on. Unless you have about $2000 that you’re willing to donate me, and possibly a guaranteed job in Houston for my fiancee…there’s no help for me. Nothing has got better since the last few posts on here. I constantly think of suicide. Every single day I have at least one suicidal thought. I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I can do, and no reason to fight for life anymore. I can’t say that I’ll kill myself. I thought I certainly would the last few […]
Only my parents will know and care. I don’t want them to go through my death, but I can’t go through my life.
How can he say he loves me so much he wants to marry me one moment, then the next moment he’s pushing me around, punching me in the nose, telling me to kill myself, telling me that I’m a worthless, heinous ***** who isn’t worth marrying, and that all of his friends hate me the next moment
I don’t know what it is about Saturdays, but my fiance develops this overwhelming cruelty on those days and tonight. Last saturday I spent the night in our closet because he punched me in the nose and didn’t let me leave. Tonight I cowered in a corner while he yelled at me that I’m ugly, stupid, a shitty excuse for a girlfriend, that my attitude sucks, and that I need to apologize to his friends for acting so “embarrassing” tonight. I got upset over a video game we were playing. I admit that it’s childish but I didn’t throw things around the room, punch walls, […]
All I do is make people mad. I hurt so horribly and the more I hurt, the more people hurt me because they don’t understand. What makes others see how badly I’m hurting and want to yell at me and cuss me out and call me names?
everything is just too much & I wish I had the energy to type it all in here. I’m just hurting so bad, I don’t really even know why I’m writing this.
How would you deal with being told you’re a horrendous ***** at least 3 times a week by someone who’s supposed to love you? Leave? That’s not really an option for me, as everyone else has always done it too and I”m not about to find someone different, I’m sure. Family even hates me.
I can’t cope with all of this, there’s already way too much going on in my life.
So today he tells me
“you’re stupid, not trustworthy, not reliable, you sit on your ass all day, you’re ridiculous, unreasonable, not wife material, and Brittany (who happens to be my mortal enemy) is better than you”
I can’t say I’m going to kill myself over this, but I can say that things are adding up and lately I’m hearing a LOT less good about me than bad and these aren’t the things you want your fiance to say. So breaking up after 5 years is going to be really horrible for me but…I don’t know what to do. I’m clearly not lovable.
Well I’m officially 24 years old.
You know, aging has become a lot like gaining weight. You reach a certain number and you wonder why you let yourself get that far.
That’s how I’m feeling today.
If nothing goes right today, on my birthday, I’m making a helium bag.
I read a job description today that said “if you feel like the world is against you, this isn’t the position for you” and I’m thinking, does ANY job want someone who feels like the world is against them? Of course not. I feel it was extremely unnecessary for them (and kind of offensive) to post that and the fact that all of us on here who really do feel depressed has to fake a smile to get any job…well it really is like the world is against us.
There are no job descriptions that say “if you feel suicidal or generally depressed, […]
Today was one of those days that every day has been like. Where I wake up and immediately fight with everyone because of course they don’t understand. Just this week I made the effort (and trust me it was an EFFORT) to get my life together. Why? I don’t know. I’m only always trying to end it. I thought though, silly me, that if I try to go get a job and a house that maybe people in my life will see that I’m not sitting here complaining. That I really do need some fucking help.
Who am I kidding? I’ve been begging for […]
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