I really want to die but im still too scared to do it alone even though ive been trying and failing for years now
I hate myself! I hate myself! Alcohol just keeps enabling me to do the worst shit but its the only thing that takes the edge off. I know im a bad person and its so fucking laughable how im still trying to convince myself im not. I keep scaring people and losing control and lashing out. I dont even want to be alive but i have to be. I have to be for other people but im just so tired and weak. I wish everyone would just stop clinging on to me so hard and let me go. I dont want to be here anymore […]
My life this year has just been a nonstop full speed acceleration and i can’t stop needing more and more to forget.
The foolish recklessness and how dangerously close I’ve gotten into situations keeps increasing, i hope it kills me.
I want it to kill me.
I’ve drank up all my money weekend after weekend to the point of blacking out and constantly need to keep being at bars, parties, peoples beds or on a high anything i just need anything. I hate the people I know, I hate the dumb shit they say I hate how I don’t have friends but only acquaintances who want to waste my […]
Of all the times I’ve tried and failed I finally realized how i much i wish i had someone to do it with me
hopefully one day I’ll find someone in my area that feels the same. dying with someone else is more ideal, if anything maybe just to selfishly comfort myself when it happens. I told myself last winter I would try again if i still felt the same way, it’s begun to get colder now.
I couldn’t sleep again.
I couldn’t change anything, I can’t be changed, I want to but I don’t, I won’t, I keep changing but at the same time nothing has.
I can’t. Can’t what?
There are so many thoughts but nothing at all coming to mind, it becomes so hazy and bogged down.
I can’t do this. I’ve lost my way in life again, I say that but to begin with I never had a direction at all. My head hurts.
Why does my body have to ache like this, my head is dizzy and burning hot but my body is cold to the touch and sweaty. Maybe I have […]
my boss found out i was cutting on shift. i work in a basement so no one would be there except me but i had only started up again recently. the last time i cut was in highschool and tho it has been many years since then the feeling of pain and euphoria is still so crystal clear, like a loud shattering in the silence. I didn’t mean to start this up again but Ive been a non alcoholic and sober for 3 years after a long, long strain of addiction. I guess cutting was the only thing I could think of.
The body is stubborn. […]
Does it even matter anymore? honestly it never did.
I tried so hard and so hard to die but each attempt failed leaving me here. So many years wasted.
How much more shame can i build up.
I thought maybe appreciating the small things in life would lead me to a happier life. after every failed jump and drowning and overdose. After bleeding out and forced into therapy for years and years at a time. I still feel so empty inside. Nothing has helped. I just want to die but even that has proven to be useless.
So I thought dying in a different way would be more effective.
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