when i see people sad and depressed on here it makes me sad and depressed. i decided im not going to write one note but a to couple people i actually love. one of the only things that makes me not want to get hit by that train, hang myself, blow my brains out. is the few people have been saving me all of this time. one of my best friends has been in boot camp. i dont want him to find out. i hope by the time he comes back everyone will have forgotton me, he will have forgotton me. i never go through with this. but i know how badly […]
Just posting this if anyone decides to care: If there are any caring people left in this world.
For two years i’ve been taking Zoloft for my OCD and depression. January I was put on Lamictal for bipolar disorder. I hate it I just end up throwing up the medicine and the food in my stomach. Some therapists say this is a good thing but for a while my emotions have been fading. All I am able to do is be sad, I used to have very bad anger problems. Lately I cant even stick up for myself I finally decided to drop the medicine. I want my emotions back. With my anger […]
Domestic relations picked up my dad today, he hasn’t payed child support in 6 months. I love my dad even though he picked drugs over me and my family. Now he’s supposedly “clean” I don’t believe it but whatever. My mom hates my dad. The bench warrant guy told my mom if he doesn’t pay child support by august 1st he will have to see the judge. I hope this happens, he will be put in jail. Right now in Pennsylvania he has seven warrants for his arrest. he would be so much safer in jail then out here. If he gets put away it will take so […]
i go to sleep around 6am every day, i wake back up at 10am. my anxiety is so bad i can never sleep anymore, i hate it. today i woke up sick, throwing up over and over again. i wonder what it would be like to just throw up tons of blood and eventually organs. (probably not possible btw) im not actually sick, just sick of myself. so bad my stomach cant handle anything. i havnt been able to stand all day. i keep trying to eat but nothing helps\: why cant anything ever work out?
you told me you had feelings for me the  first time you saw me, you told me i was beautiful, amazing, and that i was to good for you. you told me you were going to break up with your girlfriend for me. you did after we hung out one day then you begged for her to come back. you told me you would do anything to be with me or see me. when we would talk all of my problems would go away, i cared about your feelings more than my own. why did you leave me here all alone. it’s been […]
My big brother is one of my “newest friends” we never really got along but last fall it all changed. My mom knew i would always cut, then one day she told my brother about the marks on my arms(there pretty big, i like to burn the skin and cut it out) when my mom told me i didnt know what to think, i wrote a long note of how i would stay up at night to see him and make sure he got home safely, he always got in trouble with the […]
i hate myself, my body. everything. people always tell me to gain weight, or i look disgusting. im 5’7″ and 100 pounds. i look in the mirror and see nothing but chubbiness. im a big box of chubcicles< well that atleast made me laugh haha, i think that’s what makes it worse i’ll laugh it off today then tomorrow i’ll hate myself again for it. i reallly need to learn how to deal with things): ijustt dont know how.
i imagine what it would be like to cut my stomach open. seeing my insides pour out. my intestines falling, when i picture it its all in black in white. black blood flowing threw my fingers, down my legs on my pale skin. letting people see that i really just might be cold blooded on the inside
i don’t like being afraid of life, i sometimes wish i could have the lives of other people. the girls that don’t have any problems but how to wear their hair, guys, and homework. why did i have to be the one with a life like this? i sometimes imagine somehow putting a video on facebook for everyone to see, of me killing myself. letting people know how their all tearing my heart out without knowing it. being ignored is the worst of everything. i feel like if i’d do it no one would even realize it. all i do is blend in with the […]
My name’s Sabrina, im 16 now a sophomore . I was 12 when i first started thinking about suicide. I was going into 6th grade one of the hardest times in a kids life. I had never really had a child hood, my dad had been a crack addict my whole life. My mom was sent to a mental institution after i walked in on her cutting herself a couple times. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. During the summer is the worst i stay awake all night crying, burning, cutting. nothing ever helps me. im so scared. i always think […]