Author

scar

I can’t cope, I feel so hopeless and pained. My friend has just publically humilated me with her boyfriends help and got others to join in, she knows how vunreable i am right now and for her to do this hurts so much to me. I want to die, I want to die so badly, I sat in my living room by my family wishing so much that I could walk upstairs and slit my wrists so deep and just bleed to death. I slowly walked upstairs, picked up my razor crying and cut.

But ofcourse I only did it how i usuall did it, staightÂ horizontalÂ lines […]

1/28/2013 2 comments

Without You

by scar 12/20/2012

written by scar

Its 5 days till christmas, but its also 5 days till its been 4 months without you. For so long I’ve been mourning you being gone from my life, walking around with this huge ball of pain inside of me. All of my insides aching and every little thing reminding me of you. I didnt think I could survive without you. Now here I am nearly 4 months later, and I know you will always be a part of me, but I’ve accepeted it now. You’re gone, and I dont think you’re coming back. Maybe we were never meant to be, and that time was […]

12/20/2012 0 comment

Scared

by scar 12/12/2012

written by scar

So I was in my English class today, and it suddenly hit me. This massive wave of anxiety, my whole insides clenched and ached and my hands and legs were shaking. I could hardly breath and my heart quickened so fast. My friends took me to the nurse and then left me and while i was explaining it just all tumbled out, all my problems, my self harming everything. She’s booked me in to see my college counsellor but now I’m terrified, I don’t know what to do I’ve never done this kind of thing before, can anyone give me some advice on what therapy […]

12/12/2012 3 comments

Drowning

by scar 11/20/2012

written by scar

WHAT DO I DO!!!!

I don’t know and I’m so stuck.

I’m sick of feeling so low and depressed all the time and having no one understand, I’m sick of hurting all the time.

11/20/2012 10 comments

me

by scar 11/19/2012

written by scar

I don’t really know why I cut, I just love looking down and seeing the cuts and feeling the sharp pain and the blood. Its like something thats mine, my own secret and no one else knows and I feel special and its good. I just hate how I have to try so hard to hide it, long sleeves, bracelets, because if it got out, I would never be seen the same again. I dont think people know how to react with it, I don’t either really. I’m just rambling now

11/19/2012 0 comment

How do I deal with how I feel?

by scar 11/14/2012

written by scar

The thing is I don’t like talking to anyone about how i feel when it comes to depression and self harming. I don’t want to seem weak and vulnerable especially to m y friends who view me as this loud bright bubbly person. But 2 weeks ago i was drunk and things spiralled out of control, i shoved my friend over and then in the heat of the moment went upstairs raided her cabinet for a razor and begin to cut at my wrist. My friends found me lying down laughing to myself with blood around me. I then began to hysterically laugh and then […]

11/14/2012 2 comments

Him

by scar 11/11/2012

written by scar

I hate him.
I hate his stupid smile.
I hate his fucking dimples.
I hate his muscly arms, his toned torso and his thighs and calves,
I hate the way my tummy flips when i think about his voice,
I hate his fucking voice, how soothing it is, how it makes me want to dance every time i hear it
I hate how much he makes me laugh and smile, how he understood my humour when no one else did
I hate how comfortable yet on edge i felt around him, like flying in the air but being spun around at the same time
I […]

11/11/2012 7 comments

The End

by scar 11/11/2012

written by scar

How nice it would be,
to end naturally.
no pills, no razors, no rope.
When you just want to end,
as you’ve given up hope.
IÂ don’tÂ have the strength to do it myself,
but yet I have a good life and perfect health.
It seems I will have to keep living,
whetherÂ I want to or not.
Suicidal thoughts must be forgot.

All it takes is a car,
or a bus or a train.
To finish my life, to end all my pain.
Then no one could say that I was weak,
all they know is my life had reached its peak.
My family would be sad but […]

11/11/2012 13 comments

Missing someone

by scar 11/10/2012

written by scar

It’s really hard to have someone come into your life and mean so much and then walk straight out. To go through so much with them and have so many memories. To hear a song and automatically connect it with them.To have dream after dream about them being reunited with you and wanting you back and admitting how empty you feel without them.

That’s how I feel everyday, without him i feel so lost and lonely. It feels like a big rock is sitting at the bottom of my stomach and it swings around and hits my insides to have this pain reverberate through out my […]

11/10/2012 13 comments

what is wrong with me?

by scar 11/8/2012

written by scar

I’m so confused, and i feel like a selfish selfish person. i self harm quite a lot, i have been doing it for a long time but cannot pin point exactly when it started. i always remember being very in touch with my emotions and very easily attached and maybe too emotional for my own good. I myself suffered from bullying when i was a child about my teeth, and grew up being very selfÂ consciousÂ of myself. My father comes from aÂ JewishÂ background though my family itself doesn’t have any particular religion, and i have beenÂ baptizedÂ and had a holy communion as my mother is catholic. i was […]

11/8/2012 2 comments