Hello again, I’m back after 4 years. I had to get back on here to help myself get back on track in life. I last posted in 2018 and primarily talked about the abuse I received from a classmate in my middle/high school. Now, I come back to you to talk about how the cycle continues. I have had an absolutely devastating year, I mean i’ve been miserable for all of college but it had really peaked this year. I moved back in with my family after I dropped out of university and ever since I moved in my life has been a living fucking […]
i haven’t been on here for a year or so, and iv’e done so good in that amount of time i never wanted to slow down or look back at how i used to feel and cope with my depression. but i have poor stamina, and it’s caught up with me again.
I first visited this site in 2016 right after my parents had discovered my self harm and suicidal thoughts. At that time i was being emotionally and sexually abused by one of my closest “friends”, that had began a few years before but it peaked that year. The person who took advantage of me […]
i deserved it.
i just survived one of the worst times in my life. i was happy, i had friends, and i threw it all away for a manipulative asshole. i’m usually dissapointed in myself anyways but as of right now ive never hated my guts as much as i do now.
i cant beleive i let something like that slip away from me. i cant beleive i betrayed a friend, rationalizing, thinking everything would be okay. i still cant beleive how much of an idiot i am.
i feel so bad when anyone has to be around me. i feel fucking awful when people get close to me. all […]
i don’t even know why i’m so fucking sad at this point, at first it made a bit of sense cause no one in my household was really okay, or happy for the majority of my life. and i did a few months ago loose my facade and several friends but for fucks sake its been 5 months, years since that family stuff happened and yet i still cry every god damn night i don’t know what to do with myself.
i don’t know why i’m surprised, its not like i’ve ever been able to keep myself together, i learned to lie quick and shield myself […]
i relapsed again today, to be fair i haven’t been doing good at all lately but id gone a few days with ought doing it and i was hoping i would have enough will to keep it going for a bit. especially because i need to let myself heal, me and my family are going on vacation in a few days and that always increases the risk that they’ll see my scars. and that means another type of relapse that i care not to […]
sorry for the terrible quality. this phone is the only way i can upload media.
(if you cant read)–the text around the body says: “do i deserve to die? yes. that was a rhetorical question. i should’ve been dead years ago.”
the words within the body, which represents mine, are what i would use to describe myself honestly:
“failure–whore–coward–pathetic–nothing–alone–hollow–cheat–incapable”
recently, i’ve discovered yet another sickening dilemma caught up inside me. i’m already filled with them you see, but the space inside of me can always grow to accommodate more internal turmoil it seems. especially now that the only person i ever trusted completely is gone, and i’ve damaged all the meaningful relationships with those around me, and my head keeps spinning telling me i can never be happy, and i believe that my head is right.
due to my past and the likely hood of my future based on my functioning as a human being. you see, i am weak. all i’ve ever contributed in […]
okay, so i am very very very lonely. and im sorry if this isnt a well written passage but i just need to try and talk for a moment. i want to die. and i hate myself for wanting it. i hate myself for feeling that i need it. that im not good enough to fix myeslf or to make myself stronger. i hate that i even think of leaving all the people and the places behimd even when it feels like theyre gone and ill never be able to get them back. i hate a lot of things. mostly just myself though. all the […]