I don’t know what to feel. As soon as I woke up I wish I didn’t. I cried a lot yesterday. Probably just due to my overthinking. I’m being stupid. I feel like I cant talk to anyone about anything right now. I don’t know why I didnt just kill myself yesterday. Or years beforehand for that matter. I don’t want to be here. I’m tired of life. I have to start my day soon, with school and everything. I’m dreading it. I dread having to live, I’m barely surviving.
Everything hurts. It’s a constant ache. I don’t even see the point of seeing the counselor […]
all I do is make everything worse and I deserve to die. I am a vile and horrible creature who’s toxicity ruins everything. my overthinking/overbearing stupid personality is pathetic and needs to be snuffed out. how dare I be alive when I hurt the one I love with my stupidity? they already go through enough. I’m only making it worse, whether they say I do or not. I’m a pathetic coward who isnt willing enough to die so I can stop ruining everything. I am a failure. I am pathetic. I am worthless. I cant keep living like this. I need to die, I know […]
I’m exhausted, physically as well as mentally. I’m trying my best though. I’m glad this week is over, even though it’s only been 3 days (for school). I know theres a lot I could be stressing about that needs to be done in that regard, but I’m ignoring it for now as much as I can. Ignore, distract, overthink, panic, numb, the cycle continues. Oh well. I’ve barely been able to eat because I’ve been so overwhelmed and it makes me sick. I don’t need as much food as I eat anyways, I need better self control. I’d probably look a lot prettier that way.
But […]
I’m so tired of it. I just need it to end. I pray to god – any god – to let it end. It doesn’t. It never does. I’m going to sink in these overwhelming and awful feelings and I’ll never get out. I’ve tried so hard. Just let it stop. All around me is suffering. I’m suffering. I’m tired. Everyone’s tired. Why must it be like this? Maybe I’ll get lucky and none of this was real to begin with. I’ll wake up somewhere safe, peaceful. A place where things are okay, and where I’m okay, and the one I love is okay. But […]
I just realized I’m probably a very annoying person, even when I’m in a good mood. I just can’t seem to shut up…
My stepdad and I were just fucking around as always, but then he said something about how I am and always “give him a headache when he talks”. I know he was joking, I hope he was anyway, but it was just kind of hurtful. And in a roundabout way I said that it was, I basically just said that if he was someone else it would hurt my feelings a lot. He’s not a bad guy at all, we mess around all the time, […]
I’m too overwhelmed with my thoughts and I can’t sleep but I’m so fucking tired. I don’t want to live this life anymore and I really shouldn’t. I’m selfish and try to give myself slack I know I don’t deserve because I’m vile and a fucking failure and disappointment. I don’t deserve love or any kindness and I know that deep down and I know that. I know I should kill myself. I probably make everyone I love want to kill themselves too. I shouldn’t exist. I’m convinced there was some error in making me exist. I’m so awful. I’m this waste of space that […]
I’m still here, after many days and nights of just wanting to end it. I don’t ever try, but the thoughts are so overwhelming. I’m trying to hold on, giving myself things to distract myself from it all: YouTube, music, my art, and now my switch that I got for Christmas. I have 2 games with it, and I’ve almost completed one already. It’s very nostalgic for me and it makes me happy too. It’s a really nice way to escape, like I used to do when I was little all the time. I have music or videos in the background all the time to […]
I feel like shit, but I suppose that’s no surprise. This past week has been absolutely awful, and it just kept getting worse and worse. I’m constantly overwhelmed and stressed out and I’ve been dealing with a lot more suicidal thoughts and ideas and plans, because I just need it to stop. I feel inadequate and like I can never do anything right, I cant help the people I love when I should be able to. I dont deserve any love or affection or attention. Everything is awful. I constantly think of fading away from this existence. Everything hurts and I’m starting to lose it, breaking down […]
I can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to do this anymore, and I can’t. God please kill me. I’m miserable and everything hurts. I wanna fucking go home. God forbid I stay home ONE day and get a FUCKING BREAK. I feel like everything all at once is hitting my brain and its collapsing. It never ends. It never ever ends. Neverending pain. Too weak to live and too weak to die. This parasite I’ve become, this hideous thing. Please fucking kill me now.
I’m so tired, I feel like there’s not even a point. I feel empty, and really fucking sad. Today wasnt even that bad. Our church had a xmas play and my sister did well, we had food afterwards. I ate too much. feel shitty for it still, but it is what it is. I feel like I got no break at all when we came home tho because my sister never gave me a break. I wish I had a fucking door to my room. But nobody gives a shit enough to do anything about it. I guess I deserve it somehow or another. Tomorrow […]
Theres a lot of shit in my head right now, I cant get it out. I cant stop thinking about it. But I know I’m too weak to act on anything. Weak. But yet I want to so bad. I’m trying to hold on. I wouldn’t want to ruin the holidays for my family by dying now. I guess that’s just me procrastinating on it. Because I’m weak. But I cant stop thinking about the last moments and finally fading away, never having to deal with this world or myself again. And stop being so burdensome. I’ve been in pain all day and it hasnt […]
today’s been horrible. I’ve been trying to be okay but it’s not exactly working. I managed to get my contacts in, mainly out of fear of pissing my dad off, but it made them hurt a lot. they felt like they were on fire. the school nurse was really nice about it though. I talked to the counselor today too. I’m a fucking inconvenience. I hate it. I feel like all I do is get in the way, adding another issue. I’m just another issue. I don’t know why I’m here anymore. I’m holding on for her, that’s it. she always tells me I’m not […]
I’m not sure what to do, but I’m trying at least. I genuinely am. I know in the end I’m an ungrateful asshole because of how I feel and how I am, despite what I have. I heard my mom and stepdad talking about how good of kids we all are, and I felt shitty because I’m not as good as they believe me to be, I’m not even sure how they came to that really. I do try to be as good as I can… I don’t always do very good, but sometimes I do. I’m trying to improve and stop being this stupid […]
I wish I was a good as she thinks I am. I worried about them and stressed out about everything. I’m hungry but I can’t let myself eat. I’d probably just puke it back up anyway. Shes the only reason I’m alive rn. Theres stuff going on in their life that makes me worry about them in turn. They’re already asleep, and I’m not gonna bother them. I’m overwhelmed with a lot right now. It’d be so much easier to just sink into this bed never to come out again, but it isnt like that. Life isnt fair, but it’s something I gotta get over […]
I’m terrified that all I truly do is ruin peoples lives. Like their mood, outlook, future, whatever. Just anything. I’m really worried about her too (she uses any pronouns now) and I’m scared that I’ve been in too shitty of a mood and even if I try to keep it light she gets worried and I’m scared that I make them sad… I guess that I could be overthinking it, but it’s not like I could ask because 1. they would deny it and 2. it could possibly make them feel worse by making her feel like the scum of the earth. Nope- that’s just […]
I cant keep doing this every day. Every day without fail. I’m very on edge today and I dont know if I can trust myself or not.
I’m bitter and feeling so horrible inside and yet nothing comes out. I like to imagine my head exploding. Like theres this huge fuse or something inside.
I cant deal with the constant anxiety/depression/hating myself to no end even if it is deserved. People piss me off so much, nobody can just shut up.
How long do I have to wait for it to “get better”? How much more do I have to do? It shouldn’t be that fucking hard.
Whatever. I’m […]
idk why I’m here. I’m too exhausted to even try right now, but I think I have what I need to do it. I wish I could tell them how I feel right now… but idk what’s up atm, they’re probably busy with a mix of things. and I’d just be bothering them anyway… adding to the toxic piece of trash I am. I’m emotionally exhausted. I’ve had a really horrible fucking week, and I dont expect this one to be any better. I should’ve done it on the day I cried like 3 times. before then, even.
the only thing I had to look forward […]
If it weren’t for the fact that we’re in town, at my dad’s, I think I would end it. Right now. But there’s nothing here. Maybe I could find a way. I don’t know. I have what I need at home. I could do it there.
This horrible fucking feeling.
It’s my own fault.
I am the weed in the beautiful flower garden.
Nobody to talk to. It feels like I’m suffocating. Even more so that I have to hold my breath because I’m crying. This hurts so fucking much. I feel like I’m being consumed. By these horrible feelings. The stupid thoughts that won’t go away. Realizing how […]
I want to sink into this bed and fade away from existence. It’s a comfortable thought. I’m weak and tired, and in the long run I truly think it would be better. Soon I will have to really become an adult and prepare for the future. It terrifies me. College sounds scary. Work. Just life in general. I feel like I already failed because I’m not on the same level as everyone else in my class yet.
I’m so tired. I already feel like dying. Hope is snuffed out every minute. It’s hopeless. I’m worthless. I wish I was something my parents could be proud of, […]