sleepxdeath

Keep forgetting

the mistakes

the pain

the tears

the depression

the loss

the guilt

the regret

how everything just ended.

told him truths

yet lies in between

pulled him down

just so he could remember

so much frustrations

tried to fix things

but ended badly.

Continued to play the old games

and tried to play them

but that made everything worse

then felt even more guilty

everything made me so lost and confused.

I am still stuck

but more crazy and unknown

I am losing my mind

I can’t cut

I can’t do drugs

I can’t dream

I can’t run

I can’t do anything anymore.

I am just stuck

I can’t cry

Everything just sucks.

I don’t want to miss him

But I still do

I don’t love him

I don’t even lust him

I just despise him

He’s supposed to be […]

Another night for today.
Shut off the lights and once again I begin to just lay in bed.
I have been turning worse and worse,
More like I used to be
But creating less.

Rejection
Lies
Dead memories

A whole year full of…
Pain.

I had created so much pain for myself
only because I was so blinded by what if felt like;
Love.

I lost who I was

I had to move back to a safer place in my life.

A place that I despised for the longest time.

I hated it only because it took away what I wanted the most

What I desired and thought I desperately needed.

Couldn’t accept the […]

Was this all just a dream…

Or was it just a nightmare…?
Was everything a lie…?
Cuz if feels like none of it existed
I remembered and cherished everything
I did this for us
I did this for you

After that first class trip, years we were attached to each other. Just wanted you by my side, all those times when we were apart. You were nothing but a heartache to my broken; dead soul. If only you could understand. I protected you, like we were supposed to be together. I only said the truth about you. I had always imagined you by my side… forever.

I remembered […]

Hey there, I know it has been a few weeks. Lately just been thinking, not over thinking like I did before, but still. I have isolated myself for a few, but started and tried to hang out with a few old buds of mine. Since Labor day Monday, my dreams have gotten better. I’m not stressing out like I used too. I have realized I have done a lot of disappointing choices in the past, but I am accepting the consequences and slowly developing, understanding what I have done wrong, and accepting the choices on why things have gone down the drain. Since I have always disliked changes […]

I can’t do this anymore even if i really wanted too

missing you…

no matter what happens…

but letting go

cuz its really over

missing you…

every time

but i rather not think about it

missing you…

realizing its actually over

realizing its been over

its ganna be awhile

only thought of you as a good guy

never the bad.

when im acting like im a jerk

it means

i am getting over…

ill be on my highest guard…

ill be surprised if act as a different person…

ill be shocked if say hi…

it will take me awhile to get comfortable again

it will take me awhile to show again

it will take me awhile to say hi again

awhile to be honestly open again

i know i created the mistakes…

i know i don’t deserve the chances

i know

i get it.

Guilty […]

If it was meant to be

It would have happened

He would have tried

He would have

Tried to visit no matter what

He would have been truthful

He would have never ignored me

He would have been a man

If he really loved me

Cared for me

Missed me

He would have risked for another chance

He would have never moved on…

It was never really love…

Was it…?

If it was love

Then he should tell me instead of running away

Right…?

Realizing so slowly

That Angel is a mama’s boy…

A pretender

A user

A liar

Just like this one girl that I was best friends with

Its weird, cuz I never had notice it before

Until now.

All the memories

Have changed

The happy ending never there…

Everything has disappeared into thin air

but problem is now

I don’t care

Too me everything before

Never was meant

Everything that I dreamed about

Wasn’t real

Angel says he cares

But reality,

Just like the girl

Her mother said the same

Thankfully now

I know

No more hopes;

No more dreams

Not even a bit of light saved

Darkness

Covered once again

I have been

Killed

Returning with just broken wings

Only “her” memories have been restored

Angel was never mine to begin with.

All I could do is die

Tortured by all living souls

Fly away

With suffering pain

Fly […]

damn it father you should understand…

i don’t trust therapists

i deal with my shit my way.

i am not spending your money, my money or anyone elses money on that piece of crap.

if i want to be left alone,

then respect that

never remind me of that crap

FORGIVE

everyone including yourself

FORGET

every memory that you hold dearest to

They are nothing but a past

A hopeless dream

A past that is dead

Like everyone says

Move On…

All I could hear are those two breaking news

Let go…

Give up…

Forget…

Just erase the memory from your mind

Fucking assholes

Just be fucking honest.

OMFG!!!

I swear I am getting more and more pissed off.

Errands = Busy with other friends.

Fuck you fuckers, just fucking tell me the truth.

And say that you don’t want to hang out with me anymore.

Once again,

I fucking get it.

THEY ALWAYS TELL ME TO JUST MAKE NEW FUCKING FRIENDS

THEY TELL ME TO JUST FUCKING MOVE ON

HOW THE FUCKING WORLD DO I FUCKING MOVE FUCKING ON

WHEN I HAVE THE FUCKING BAGGAGE ON MY FUCKING SHOULDERS

STILL!

FUCK FAKE PEOPLE

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM!