Why do people push love away before they can give love a chance?

Fear, Frustration, Anger and Heart Break changes that.

Have you ever been so excited and so alive with one person yet for no apparent reason they just leave and everything changes? One day you guys are doing so much and are so happy that you can’t leave that person behind, because you think that there isn’t anyone as loving like them or enjoy each other’s company? You’ve done almost everything together and feels like nobody can ever replace them? Then one day, you both wake up. They leave you behind for other people. They lie; make excuses. Then they or another person tells you that they never met you… You don’t and never existed in their life before. They pretend that none of those memories ever existed. Your heart breaks when you hear those words. You don’t want to understand, or you actually don’t understand, because you are just so blinded by the good old times and everything that you had feared literally came true.

Even when you tried to move on, you can’t, only because there isn’t anyone in your life that can make you believe that they will never leave. You grow up and you believe that no one will ever love you. You are just so depressed that when others want to spend time with you, you already know, that they will never last.

Even when you do try, your suffering. You push them away only because you either blame them for leaving and/or you blame yourself for trusting them or not warning them that you’re just a waste of time.

Doing everything wrong, trying to fix things, and having no faith.
You want to believe, but you just can’t because you already went through it a few times.

My first experience:  Trusting and believing that who ever was worth trusting was my everything. Thought that person was never, ever going to leave. But things changed. And trying to hold on, just made things worse. Tried fixing things, but person never budged in. Like I said, things worsened. Being so frustrated, and so much anger building inside. I changed, I acted like a jerk just to get that person’s attention. Tried to step up, but couldn’t. I used to have limits on what not to do, but after I couldn’t get their attention, I messed up pretty badly.

It sucks because even when I wanted to change for the good, I couldn’t. It is like I had a grudge. It is like I made a promise, even when that person broke it and ended their promise. For me to let go was the toughest thing to do.

The second time, I had let someone in, I was still afraid. About one to two years our relation/friendship grew… But after awhile, fear came over me again. I tried to push him out of my life, just for the best for that him. I don’t believe I am a good person, just because. It was worse, we were teenagers and I fell in love with him and we did try to just let “us” be. We were distanced but we tried. I annoyed him though by pushing him away all the time, and trying to explain to him to never leave me. I mean yea, I pushed him, but I tried to tell him. Even so, he would always come back. He was blinded.

I tried to believe, I tried to believe that maybe, he wouldn’t leave. It took awhile though. But before I knew it, I was too late. Still am.
Yeah, I am the type of person that if we met in real life. I would push you away. Just because I am just so used to the pain and so used to suffering and blaming myself for everything. Even if it wasn’t my fault, I’ll still find a way to pin everything on myself.