someonesaveme

I’m so confused by people’s actions. One day they love me, the next day they’re furious at me. I don’t think anyone will ever want me for this depression. I’m afraid that I will always be alone. I DON’T like being alone. this is what will drive me to suicide someday.

My life is falling apart a little more every day, though I try to ignore it.

But I have realized that it’s just building up inside me more and more.

Eventually I will explode and end it by suicide.

that’s just a fact.

I want to be loved and held, I WANT to be happier, but I know I […]

well, over a week ago I met another girl on this website, we started e-mailing and stuff, she’s really nice and has a really sweet spirit if you get to know her. I consider her as a close friend even though I don’t know her in real life. she used to post stuff on this site, but she said it wasn’t for her since people haven’t noticed her missing. she told me a few nights ago that she was going to try and kill herself, and I haven’t heard back from her in a few days. I’m really scared she tried to commit suicide and […]

ever since I realized how hurtful people’s words can be, I have hated myself. I always will, that will never change.

I know there are people in this world who truly love me, somewhere down in them, even though they don’t really show it. I’ve thought about committing suicide on one of my birthdays, I think it would be really cool to die on my birthday. wake up, get a rope, go to the living room, and hang myself before anyone else gets up. it’s perfect. but my birthday is so far away, ughh.

I always imagined who might be at my funeral, maybe some friends, relatives, […]

ughhh I cant breathe. i hate myself. i hate myself. I HATE MYSELF. I just want to die. I wish my dad would give me my knife back. is he trying to torture me?? I need my knife RIGHT NOW. cutting helps me. I cant stop crying. im in too much freakin pain. i dont want to live. living is so morose and stupid. i wanna die.. SOMEONE KILL ME PLEASE. I JUST WANNA END THIS FUCKING PAIN.

I try so hard. But every time I attempt to get up, I fall back down. I feel like the devil keeps pushing me down, then trampling all over me. you know how hard it is to try getting up when someone is standing on top of you?
all I can think about is how desolate and pessimistic I am. all I can talk about is how I want to die. I can’t breathe anymore. I get panic attacks. several times a day. I need my knife. I need to cut.

Everything was perfect, everything was fine.
You warmed me inside, and I loved you so much.
You were the one, and you were all mine.
I loved your smile, your hugs, your touch.

Then one day you had to crush me inside.
you tore it all out, you ripped me apart.
I wish you were honest, but I know you lied.
congratulations, you’ve lacerated my heart.

I can’t live anymore. what would I gain?
I don’t eat, I’m just skin and bone.
I’m starting to go insane,
And I’m all alone.

That feeling I get when I cut with my blade,
It’s wonderful, although it burns.
A monster, […]

well I have a huge situation now. the 2 people that saw my scars, I told them I was ready to tell my parents, even though I’m totally freaked out about what they’ll say. I can’t go back now, its too late. my dad is expecting a ‘meeting’ with all of us, that’s when I have to tell about my arm(no one knows about my scars except the 2 people).

I made a huge mistake. I have realized that I don’t want anyone to know about my scars. my parents will stop me from cutting. I will never be able to cut again. But now I […]

2 of my friends said they saw my scars on my arm. that must have freaked them out (they’re both older than me). my scars are pretty bad. but you know what they said? they still love me. they said they wanted to cry when they saw my scars. they said they’re here for me.

I have no clue what to think. what to say. they are awesome people. i still wanna die. how do i tell them that? they care about me so much and we all met just a few weeks ago…

I hate these scars. they are so freaking ugly. only 2 people know of them, and they don’t even care. I can’t stop cutting, I won’t stop cutting. I NEED to cut my arm.

I want to cry. I want to bleed. I want to scream and shout. and be in this everlasting agony, to suffocate in my own, desolate, barren corner of loneliness. this is who I am. this is what I deserve.

does anyone know, if I stop cutting my arm will the scars heal on their own? it’s hard to keep hiding it, my parents would kill me if they found out. I’m gonna […]

damn I wanna die. I WANT TO DIE. WHY CANT I JUST DIE?!?!  I NEED THE PILLS. MY KNIFE. I NEED TO CUT. he’s pissed off at me now, he told me that. he said I caused him pain and lack of sleep. I dont deserve him. IM SO FUCKING STUPID. IM SELFISH. IM A FREAKING MONSTER. ALL I DO IS CAUSE PAIN TO OTHERS . shit I cant think anymore. this is stupid. life is stupid. im stupid. dammit! maybe I could kill myself tonight. ah whatever. no one cares about this anyway.

I remember when I was happy. so young and innocent. then you hit the teen years, and your life just completely turns around. like when you start to understand pain and agony and all that crap, when you really find out who people are, you fall into a deep hole you can’t get out of cause no one cares you’re there.
I have come to realize that this world is a beautiful place, that life would be worth living, if only it weren’t for those careless, hurtful people who don’t give a damn about you. I wish I could help all those suicidal […]

He loved me. He told me I was beautiful, smart, fun, and that he wanted to be with me forever. He made my heart feel warm inside, I could have lit up the whole world. Then he told me it wasn’t meant to be. My heart felt as cold as ice. I had been traumatized. now all that’s left inside me is emptiness. what did I do wrong? did I say something? why do I have to hurt so much…I lie awake every night crying out a storm, wondering what I did or said. I used to cut my wrist just to feel the pain. […]

if you have time to read this, please do. and please comment if you want, thanks.

being a teen and all, of course, there’s this guy that I’m so deeply in love with, he knows that but doesn’t love me anymore. we talked, literally about everything, not gonna go into details, though. he unlocked my heart, and for a few months he took great, no, PERFECT care of it. Then that day came when he said us being together is a mistake. he lacerated, burned, broke, abused, and ripped my heart out. I still love him, because I am nothing without him. He has moved on, […]

life is stupid. I hate myself, I hate the way I look. I know I’m pretty, people always tell me that, but there’s no one to love me. I want someone to love me, I guess like a boyfriend. I need a lot of TLC (tender loving care). I’m talented,  I can be funny, but there’s no one to share it with. no friends to talk to. I hate my stupid life. public schools and youth group at church messed me up. they were all so cruel. sure, I had friends, but none of them understood me. In my […]