Some of us come on here at our lowest, and we momentarily lose ourselves in trying to help others, sending out positive thoughts because we can’t muster up any for our own miserable lives. It just sucks to see my posts deleted with no explanation given. If I slipped up, fine, but how about (like admins do on other sites) editing the post with a bunch of asterisks where the offense was? Rather than deleting 3 or 4 paragraphs which somebody spent a lot of time and effort trying to compose? A lot of times I’m barely conscious when I post here, and I come […]
Which of the three is causing you the most pain?
A. Past (lost loved one, regrets over mistakes, bad memories of traumatic experiences, etc)
B. Present (being bullied, can’t pay the bills, don’t like the way you look, physical pain or illness, etc)
C. Future (being stuck in a rotten marriage, dead end job, failing out of school, or just a general dreary view of what lies ahead, etc)
Mine is A. If I could just get a lobotomy and forget my past I’m sure I’d be all sunshine & giggles. Yeah.
If I could obliterate one word from the human vocabulary it would be “love”. That word is merely an excuse, a pretentious claim, a self-serving tool for impotent people to compensate for their lack of emotional sincerity. What’s the matter, don’t know how to show it? Gosh ok, then just say it. A hundred times every day. Like a jingle for a brand of dish soap.
“O, they love least that let men know their love.”
Shakespeare, Two Gentlemen of Verona. Act I Sc ii.
I was reading about 70s teen heartthrob Andy Gibb and how he died right after his 30th birthday. The official cause of death was something about an inflammation of the heart after years of cocaine abuse. He had struggled with severe depression, but the family denied that it was a suicide, and the fact that he checked himself into a hospital (where he died 3 days later) seems to show it wasn’t suicide.
It made me wonder if I started now, how long would it take for me to wreck my own body? And is this the “long form” of suicide that so many people have […]
Absolute reality, if it exists, doesn’t matter to the individual. What matters is the individual’s perception of reality because that’s all he or she knows. With that in mind, at what point does your subjective reality shift away from absolute (or should I say ‘collective’) reality?
This is what I mean: you might sleep about 6-10 hours a day, and the rest of the time you’re awake and conscious of reality. Well what if, through drugs or other means, you sleep 20 hours a day, leaving only 4 hours of “reality”? Do those 4 hours become insignificant?
I know what you’re thinking… of course not. Because our […]
I have never felt sad about a suicide. By the time I graduated high school, two of my best friends had killed themselves and even at that young age I never felt sad. Confused, yes. But in my heart I knew that suicide marks the end of a problem, and so… much like divorce in the case of an abusive marriage, it’s a good thing even though humans instinctively say “how awful”.
Humans at large cannot perceive the problem, so all they see is the solution which they don’t agree with. If you didn’t know that a woman was being mugged, and all you saw was […]
Like most people I’ve lived my life hoping the end would come quick and painless. When I decided to end my life I researched all the quick and painless ways, settling on a combination of methods that would supposedly do the trick in a dozen heartbeats or less, all the while being drunk and drugged out of my wits so I wouldn’t feel a thing.
How wrong. I realize now, injured and alone (don’t worry, this is not The One) that I like this feeling. Lying here feeling damaged beyond repair with no one pestering me to bandage myself up of go to the hospital or […]
When I use the word “god” I’m not talking about any particular religious image. For lack of a better word, I’m using “god” to mean whatever force created and/or governs this universe. It could be a bearded dude on a throne, it could be a mathematical equation or it could be a random spark that started a fire. But whatever it is, I hate it.
I hate the rules and patterns of existence that we live by. Universal laws like “survival of the fittest”, “kill or be killed” and “consume others so that you may live” are the laws of all living organisms, whether we’re talking […]
I’m sure some people are tempted to view this site as a bunch of whiners talking about suicide but never doing anything. Or as my own idiot therapist said: “Why talk about it? If you’re going to do it, then do it.”
But the truth is that many SP users have actually gone ahead and done it. They post here as a last stop before the unknown, and then they cross over. So no, we’re not just a bunch of lookie-lous.
I was wondering if anyone had been keeping a list of confirmed, or very likely, suicides of SP users. Maybe it would be nice to have […]
There are those who die before they’re ready. And there are those who are ready before they die.
Timing is the only problem. I’ve been ready to die for at least 20 years but it hasn’t happened. On the other hand somewhere in the world, someone got hit by a bus and killed 20 years before she would’ve accomplished her life’s work. Oopsie. Life’s a ***** like that.
The best you can do is decide when it’s time to die and immediately make it happen. Those are the only true winners in this world.
Pain, fear, hardship and all those crappy things are the greatest motivators known to any living organism. If you think back to the first prehistoric mass of slime that crawled out of the ocean onto dry land to evolve into what you see when you look into a mirror, you can bet the slime’s motivation wasn’t any lofty idealism or optimistic dreams of the future but rather, its motivation was because it was hunted or starving to death and had to go somewhere new.
That’s all fine & dandy. But even the prehistoric slime must’ve eventually reached some comfort zone, or at least some stage of […]
Both seem equally deadly so I’m not sure if it matters. But for what it’s worth I think I’d rather be surrounded by people who don’t care. At least that way I can’t hate them for being hypocrites. Like the trees and birds and stars that don’t give a shit about me, I’m fine with them. But I can’t stand all the self-serving phonies who constantly tell me they care but conveniently disappear when things get real.
It just won’t. A devoted partner, a caring parent, a sympathetic friend or hell even the purest love of all, the love of a dog, won’t save you.
Suicide, or at least the suicide I know, is like drowning in the ocean. Love is like someone on the shore praying for you. It may give you a moment’s satisfaction to know that someone is worrying about you, but in the end the only thing that can save you is if something physically drags you out of the ocean.
Love doesn’t do that. Love can soothe you, distract you, make you feel like you have a purpose, maybe […]
Is it possible that this entire human world is completely upside down in its beliefs, and in fact life is a bad thing; death is a good thing; and suicide is the act of an enlightened soul that has come to this awakening?
What do humans live for? Ostensibly to contribute to life. To make life better for themselves, their families and other humans. Longer, happier lives for everyone.
The same thing can be said about an acid trip. You want it to be a happy one. You want it to last as long as possible. You want to share it with your friends. But in the […]
I have no gripe with the basic design of the animal known Homo sapiens. It has an impressive free range of motion, adaptability, fingers which allow it to perform delicate tasks as well as arms which provide strength, and it has a brain that is capable of some logic as well as emotional thoughts. And while not quite as impressive in this regard as, say, Canis lupus familiaris (the dog), it has some capacity for selflessness and dedication to things other than itself.
On an individual basis, Homo sapiens is a decent design. But when people start acting like people, that’s when this decent design falls […]
1. Try to fit in. If successful, hooray. Skip the rest of this manual and have a wonderful damned life.
2. If you don’t fit in, try harder.
3. If you come to the realization that you can’t fit in, that you are flawed or damaged, or even more astutely if you realize that the world itself is flawed and damaged beyond your ability to tolerate it, then pull up a seat and read the rest of this manual.
4. Convince yourself that you are the problem. This certainly won’t fix anything, nor will it make your life any more bearable, but it may distract you enough to […]
The famous poem goes
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
But I can’t say I agree. I refuse to “whimper” out. Never have and never will. I haven’t always won my battles (Christ knows I haven’t), I haven’t always fought bravely against my enemies. But I’ve NEVER rolled over and taken it.
And Life is my greatest enemy. I will not roll over and take it, like so many […]
Physical pain, everyone understands. Correction: physical pain, everyone understands if they can see it. Everyone understands a broken limb, a gushing wound, a torn eyeball, but tell them your pancreas hurts or your ears are ringing, and you’ll probably get the condescending “aw poor thing” bullshit and then they’ll forget all about it.
Even worse is mental agony which not only can’t they see, but they can’t even conceive what it might be like. Tell them that your mind is coming apart at the seams and they’ll just give you a blank stare. You won’t even get the condescending sympathy bullshit. Instead they’re more likely to […]
I could never say this in public. I get such a hopeful feeling when I read about SP members who have escaped this life. It’s tragic that they, or anyone, would suffer so much that they have to kill themselves. But being in that hell myself, I can only focus on the escape, imagining myself in their place, and using that to remind myself that there is an end to this pain.
I guess we talk & think about it so much, some of us for years, that suicide starts to feel like an impossible dream. Sometimes the more we obsess over an idea, the more […]
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
And God saw the light and told us it was good;
And most of us believed Him.
But some of us did not; some of us could not dance and frolic and sacrifice our sons in His name,
Because it didn’t make any sense.
So God told his followers that we are evil;
And there was hatred in the world.
And those of us who dwelt in darkness were cast out, mocked, tormented and beaten. And God made large stone & steel buildings where we were to be taken and fed drugs to make us stop being […]
Newer Posts