If I could obliterate one word from the human vocabulary it would be “love”. That word is merely an excuse, a pretentious claim, a self-serving tool for impotent people to compensate for their lack of emotional sincerity. What’s the matter, don’t know how to show it? Gosh ok, then just say it. A hundred times every day. Like a jingle for a brand of dish soap.
“O, they love least that let men know their love.”
Shakespeare, Two Gentlemen of Verona. Act I Sc ii.
34 comments
OBJECTION!
Your Honour, the Defence would like to call Shephard, aka “one hopelessly-in-love moron with an unearthly craving for hard candy”, to the stand.
*Shephard takes the stand, fixes tie and begins to speak*
On the few occasions where I have been granted the ability to convey my utmost affection and love to another, I have done so with unequivocal compassion and ensured that I showed them ‘love’ per se. Emotional sincerity has never been a strong suit for me, for my own personal reasons, but a physical…’tangible’…presence has always allowed me to at least progress things for’d to a point where they can decide whether it’s still worth the effort or not.
Of course, Your Honour, they chose the latter and I don’t blame them at all. But without vocalising how I feel to’rds another – writing a long-winded, possibly incomprehensible letter – how am I to progress to the point where the physicality of the relationship will negate (at least partially) the need to be vocal with my feelings to’rds another?
*Shephard retires from the stand*
The Defence calls for a ten minute recess – I left some cookies in the oven… OH SHIT!
Thanks for the first chuckle I’ve had in weeks. All this talk of candy and cookies prompts the Court to call for a recess… peanut butter cup.
Considering that Shepherd accompanied said usage of the foul blasphemy ‘love’ with an actual display which may have included such things as freshly baked cookies, the Court hereby grants Shepherd a pardon from the customary punishment of being publicly pelted to death with Hallmark greeting cards.
this is a projection, just because of your individual experience it does not mean it’s objective. genuine love does exist, if you’ve never experienced it it doesn’t give you the right to invalid others’
Genuine love does exist. I have a dog… nuff said.
What I’m saying is that “I love you” is no guarantee of genuine love. And usually (in my personal experience, yes, but also what I’ve observed in failed relationships and families around me) those who say it most show it least.
I think the problem with that word is not it’s existance or the amount of times you say it. There’s only so many ways in which you can show love to someone else, and those who mean something to you might nothing to your significant one, so saying it often is an easy reminder. Now, if you are all words and do nothing to show it, those words hold no value and i can see your point, but it all depends on what you consider a worthy proof.
Using my dog as an example, she has never said any words of love but has shown it more genuinely than words can express. My gripe is with people who say it in lieu of showing it. It would be interesting to take the word away completely and see how many people can still show it. I think sometimes the “easy reminder” ends up taking the place of the real thing. Like a mindless ritual or prayer repeated over and over, it makes people forget what the original intent was.
I know what you mean, but your dog isn’t that good of an example, maybe she has barfed I LOVE YOU several times in her own language. Don’t know why i got a flashback of The Simpson’s Santa’s Helper (plus Snowball) saying “we (wo)love you a lot” haha. I do remember a couple of cases with people i’ve met tho (my ex comes to mind) where they got really upset and lose confidence when i didn’t say “i love you” everyday (or a couple of times everyday), even if i did things to show it. It’s like without the words those things held no meaning to them, and in one ocassion i was even told “this seems like a friendship with benefits” just because i didn’t said i love you everyday. Maybe it’s modern world conditioning to it or something? i’ve never quite got why, since i don’t need to hear those words that often.
@M:
And then they turn around and tell people “you should try to be friends first.” Contradictions and double-standards abound. This is more evidence that you just have to know what’s up, yourself, without listening to all the BS that people who think they know what they’re talking about, always spout.
And yes, there is a heavy emphasis on social conditioning, in almost all modern human behavior.
I happen to agree with the witness, your honor. Love is a misused word. It’s tallied about like “have a nice day”. I would say that 99% of the time I hear those three words they are said in passing or mumbled phrases or as a habit. “Ok, bye, luv ya” or “have a nice day, love ya” or “You know I love you?” When you look at the face of the person saying those words, there’s nothing behind it. Empty. I’ve had a woman tell me she loves me, only to cheat on me later on. So, where’s the love? Hmm..
Love for me doesn’t need to be said, as you’ve said, it needs to be shown. Love is a verb.
“Love doesn’t need to be said, it needs to be shown. Love is a verb.”
I wish I could slip that into the fortune cookie of all the people who have said it to me.
Oh and yes… my biggest pet peeve! When a relationship “progresses” to the point where the phrases “ok bye luv ya” and “have a nice day, love ya” and the ultimate passive lamer: “you know that I love you?” are used, you know it’s dead. Wouldn’t all of us here prefer the giddy, tingly feeling in the beginning of a budding romance when both are too afraid to say it so they come up with creative and genuine ways of showing it instead?
the word “love” has been diluted by misuse, like so many others. That’s the real problem. Though i tend to agree with the observation and interpretation of ‘why’ so many people misuse that word. I have seen that statement (“i love you”) thoroughly abused by people who didn’t seem to understand its purpose, or were not sincere, innumerable times. I also agree that genuine love does exist… but also that many people believe that is what they are experiencing, when it is in fact not.
Thumbs up. Funny thing about what you said: “many people believe that is what they are experiencing, when it is in fact not.”
I think we’ve been programmed at an early age (by lovesongs, poems, fairytales, Hollywood) that we are each destined to find true love. We begin to imagine it around every corner, catching glances across a crowded room, etc. It’s a nice feeling, but in the end it leads to so much dissatisfaction later in life. It would be great if people were instead taught not to dedicate their entire lives to the pursuit. Like hitting the lottery, it would be great, but nobody should be dumping their entire fortune on buying lottery tickets.
Dude… quit saying the things I think.
^ above to cn, lol o.o
the other funny thing is that Randall’s comment just above mine here, didn’t show up for me until after i posted this. We were both on the same page at the same time, starting from an agreeable premise, prior to either having read the other’s comment.
Well said Clevername.
Yeah like everyone else said, ‘i love you’ is used too much without any meaning. It is not used properly. ‘love’ is a verb, love needs to be shown. Love is not a word that should be used frequently.
“In order to hear Love’s words, you must allow Love to approach. However, when it does draw near, we fear what it might say to us, because Love is free and is not ruled your will or by what we do.”
I read these posts and see the cry of despair of how love has disappointed. Love become a thing to grasp at, a demand, a right, a expectation. A cry that someone make us feel.
Love is a act of faith, not a act of surrender. Love is a way of being.
*
well said
people need to show that they love each other, not use ‘i love you’ … 100,000 times. I will use those 3 little words many times. Thats how i show ‘love’. No, they need to show love in their actions. Like looking after each other and stuff. Sorry for tangent
I don’t believe in love. I don’t believe we actually love anything or anyone. I might say that I love “hamburgers”. What I am really saying is that hamburgers taste good and I derive pleasure from consuming them. If however that were to change tomorrow and henceforth hamburgers tasted like shit I would no longer “love” them. I think its that way with anything and anyone we claim to love. We “love” things as long as they have a positive effect on our existence in some way, if they induce a “good” chemical reaction to occur in our brains or whatever. Now of course my belief or disbelief in something doesn’t actually change anything that is simply my opinion on the matter. I could just as easily be wrong and true love does exist and I have just simply never felt the emotion.
but you’d still love how they used to taste, right?
I don’t know? I suppose it might go one of 2 ways. I might look back fondly on the way they used to taste and say nostalgically “man those were the days, they just don’t make them like that anymore” and hate the current hamburgers even more for not being what used to be. Or I might convince myself to hate the memory of what used to be, for ruining all future hamburgers by comparison. What does love become when you no longer have access to the things that you loved?
“What does love become when you no longer have access to the things that you loved?”
One of the greatest teachers you will ever know.
…and, if indeed you were suddenly unable to taste that delicious flavor, physically, ever again… would that not result in an increased appreciation for the remaining flavors you are still able to experience?
and to add to that. Generally when we nostalgically romanticize what used to be, like that. We generally make it into something even more amazing than what it actually was. Which makes the loss of it and knowing it will never return even that much worse.
but you don’t have to. You can learn to unhinge the projection of your shadow upon all interpretations (to an extent). You can choose to see things as accurately as possible, as closely to what they actually are, as you are capable.
Just because other people commonly repeat an obvious mistake, that doesn’t mean you have to do like they do. Just because people make over-generalizations, doesn’t make them true. Most people do not understand what love really is, and that is the truth. You don’t have to grant merit or validity to the judgments or opinions of anyone who can be determined to lack the qualifications provided by experience and self knowledge.
Life is sometime very harsh… but some of the best lessons require a significant degree of harshness, in order to be most effectively learned.
The legend of Pai Mei comes to mind. He was notoriously cruel… but was highly respected for being very effective. Most of us face the harshness of life without ever having the privilege of being trained by a Master. Most of us are never taught to master Our Selves.
“Most people do not understand what love really is, and that is the truth.”
You nailed it there. I think most people confuse infatuation with love, and once infatuation is gone they think that love is gone as well. Maybe they say it a gazillion times in an effort to prolong that initial infatuation fase?.
@M: i think a lot of people believe that repeating a falsity will eventually make it true. The irony is, that’s not always wrong. If you habituate any particular behavior, you will “reap what you sow.” But often people try to sow barren lands, and end up only reaping sorrow.
@clevername: I know, seen it happen close to me way too many times. I’ve come to realize from seeing people who act that way (and from doing it myself when i was younger) that acting that way is a good coping mechanism when you screw up, and it works for most people i’ve seen that use it. It can help to diminish guilt, convince yourself you are doing things the right way, and blame others for your mistakes, so in a way i kinda understand why some do it. The consequences on the long run are never nice tho, but there are some lucky mofo’s that get away with it most of their life haha.
The search for true love is just another form of chasing the dragon…
WhatAmIDoingHere, that is extremely bleak, but oddly it describes basically every encounter with “love” I’ve ever had. Except the aforementioned dogs in my life.
Love, like the language of a trickster, only speaks to the innocence of an inviting heart.
Face to face with the devil himself
Love being the greatest loss of ours, in a place to place where evil dwells.
Palings buckets of a love tapped dry, at the bottom of this well. Leave me a little for comfort sake..an even trade, I take back to hell.
Love speaking silently through motion and mind set. The pressure of loves crushing violence meets the melee of loves unity, to rip me from all that i’ve known..all that I’ve loved..all that you’ve shown. From the ground up, we build our love. We build and we build and we build and we build.. Till the leap we have taken up in hand is the love that’s forsaken us in the end.. Leaving faith here to teder over the edge. Forever..falling forever we are perfection in this place. The only truth worth any mention is that to have lived and loved and lost it all, is to truly be perfect, where the promise of love’s loss is the greatest part of all.