Every car looks the same,
It’s time to go.
Breathing trees,
How lovely to see,
Can I touch them?
No.
Locked in, Locked up,
Doors without keys,
Beds without sheets,
Pull on the curtain that encloses me.
Kept alive but no machines,
Three shadows is all you see,
One hall, one sound,
Screams.
We like to stay unseen.
White gate, white gate,
Under the bridge.
Keys in my hand,
Hiding behind me,
Lower me down to where no one will find me.
Bright lights, bright eyes,
The difference doesn’t seem real,
Back in my head, voices so loud,
Everything is clear again.
Screaming sounds like bells,
Instructions are yelled,
The waves are hands,
Holding you tightly.
Every Summer since I was a teenager has been tough for many different reasons.
From being in hospital, to loosing someone to death, to drinking myself awake every morning.
This Summer is full of promise.
This Summer is probably going to be my most memorable Summer yet and maybe ever.
I have no money but so much hope and love that it could fill an entire city.
I’ve one small worry though. This might be the start of the end of me and my bestfriend.
I’ve known this girl Hayley for 13 years of my life and I’m 17 yet.
She is literally my soul mate.
I […]
Everything is so fucking wrong.
EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM. I’m so angry these days. And so so lonely.
I can’t do anything as well because people will just be like ”what’s your problem” but my problem is EVERYONE. I just want to cry and hide and go back and fix everything. Everything has yet again fucked up. I fucked shit up again and I literally did not see it coming AT ALL but it just happened because that’s what happens to me. I fuck up. That’s all I do.
I don’t want a thing from life. Everything is just […]
“It’s dying, It’s dying!” They all cry,
Your heart got far too close to mine,
And now it’s ripping, breaking inside,
My body breathes a sigh of relief as it’s time.
I can hear it in the wind, I can feel it on my skin,
“Just one more time, you’ll feel much better ” I can’t let these voices in.
“Please don’t desert us, we were always there for you,
On those lonely nights when you were lost and didn’t know who to turn to.
Self harm? No harm! What harm can it do? They take me away cause they know it hurts you.”
Now she’s […]
I went to the doctors. They said I most likely have a stomach ulcer from too much smoking and alcohol and pills.
That’s never good. If It bursts well.. I’ll have to get an operation and I could die.
[…]
I’m really, really sad.
But at the same time everything just seems so free right now. I just want to be free. I think I make believe too much. I pretend that I’m this girl who just has fun and doesn’t care and is free. The only time I’m free is when I’m intoxicated by alcohol and/or drugs.
That’s not ‘free’, That’s a prisoner. I’m a prisoner.
I think it’s getting serious again too but I dont know where or how to get help because of trust issues, And also the fact that
When I’m sad, I have no friends.
Now people think I’m happy […]
No one has noticed.
No one has noticed I spend all my time and money now getting drunk these days.
That’s all I want to do.
I just want everything to go away, And to be able to enjoy things and have fun and laugh.
Alcohol helps. But at the end of the day I still end up in my bedroom, Taking pills or drinking or just curled up in bed crying and listening to Radiohead and REM.
I’m such a waste of life.
Seriously, I am actually not good for anything.
I’v abandoned myself really. I just can’t do anything alone or without some […]
Run far away.
I don’t really care where I end up.
Just as long as it’s far away from here.
Far away from you.
Far away from this.
Far away from everyone and everything.
Before I was addicted. I mean, I couldn’t bare the thought of a day without it. I was so locked onto it.
Now.. It’s strange. I hate myself when I don’t do it – I hate myself when I do.
Maybe I’m just expecting for something more to happen.
I’v become numb to the pain of blood pouring from my arms and legs.
I need something new. Something different.
Something to make me feel. Anything.