stubborn

Todays been horrible. Lately I’ve been wishing that someone crashed into my car. I just cut a while ago n I’m bout to go get some weed. I’m fucking tired of everything I realize that I don’t longer want to be here. I should be excited for all senior events but I’m not I just want to get the fuck out of school already. I want out I don’t even care about my grades no more. I want to DIE!!. There I said it. I don’t know how much longer ill be able to hold on.

I feel so used n fucking disgusting…..

So I got called a life saver today.. twice. I’m a life saver that thinks about taking her own life sometimes. Seems kind off ironic doesn’t it???

I just want to end my life. There doesn’t seem to be any reasons to stay…

So I’ve been thinking it might be a good thing to go back to therapy I’m some what scared. But it might be a good thing for me…I need help..

A friend of mine found out today that I have started cutting again and well he doesn’t like that. I tried to make him understand that I’ve tried to stop but it’s hard. Now he won’t really talk to me I think he’s mad. He probably does have the right to be I’ve lied over and over again. I’m not sure what to do I really don’t want to loose him. Any suggestions???

Right now at this moment I would like to fall asleep peacefully n never wake up.

Aghhh I dint think these thoughts would come back. Wanting to disappear, be in my own world. Where there’s no problems, no arguing, no one to blame me for everything. Suicide?? I thought this thought had left. Maybe it never did its been deep inside me just wanting to come back out again. I admit I’m a bit scared… I don’t like it very much having these thoughts. I just wish I knew how to get rid of them…..

So I’m currently at the ER. The waiting room was full but I found a quite place to sit at but the ***** ass wanna be police officer security guy. Told me I wasn’t allowed to sit there. So I’m out sitting in the hallway. Nurses walk by, lots of people some sick some not. This one guy walked by smelling a shit lot like weed.
Currently I’ve decided I’m no longer going to smoke weed. I thought it be easy, I’d stopped before. But its not cause right now I’d really like to get high. Or cut. But I also decided I shouldn’t do […]

I told him I smoked weed this weekend n that back in April I had smoked even though I told him I didn’t. I thought it was better to be honest with him but apparently I was wrong. Now he’s all serious n don’t really want to talk to me. I feel horrible now, but I don’t think I did anything wrong. Did I?? Oh well I guess I won’t care. FUKK IT!!! I’ll fuck up my life. Summers here, if all goes well I won’t have to put up with anything anymore.

I was doing research for a paper I had to do for English. Topic suicide, and that’s how I found out about this website. How did you guys find out about it??

I don’t think I’m scared of suicide anymore. The though of doing it isn’t scary, I think I would actually go through with it. Will I be missed?? Yea. But they’ll get over it eventually. Won’t they??

Times like this I just want to disappear. Just vanish into thin air. No one will ever find me. I lay here looking at the stars, wonder if there’s any were I can go n forget everything.