I feel so alone… thats all i can ever say. Even if im around people. I feel even more alone.
All i want is to take a knife and gab it deep into mine hand. All i want is not to feel fear everyday. I want to see blackness as i fall into deep sleep….forever. I dont want to be another survivor. I dont want to be another complete fail. I want to be the person who i always wanted to be. No more needs…just wants. I want to be able to shout out my problems to the world… not on paper. Paper won’t talk back to you. Paper is used to write what you need to write when you need to write. All i […]
“Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to liveâ€
Charles Caleb
Lets do this once
Lets do this quick
As i grab a knife
and drive it
against my neck.
Lets do this once
Lets do this quick
no more tears
no more words.
Lets end this now
without regrets.
At least now
i have no threats.
Lets do this once
Lets do this quick
as the pressure of its teeth
glades deeply into mine neck.
It may hurt now
but soon it will all come down.
Tears maybe escaping,
but i know i will be happy
Lets do this once
Lets do this quick
Tonight is the night
I had kill myself.
If i am able
to hold a gun
and connect it to my head…
Would i have the self-confidece
to pull the trigger.
If i had rope
lying against my neck
and connect it to a beam
in my garage…
Would i have the self-confidence
to dangle and be choke
to death.
If i am able
to look out in the water
and then jump…
Would i have the self-confidence
to drown myself to the bottom.
Could i even gain that?
Am i strong enough
to do all of this
Cry as i do this
Would i croward out
and become a failure.
Or could […]
All i want now…
is to be alone.
i just want to be in my bed
and cover up my shame.
I barely get out of bed…
anymore…
I feel so alone
i just dont have the strength
anymore…
Nevermore…
all i do is just lie there
and think of what i have become.
What soon possiblities
will soon uncover.
What falsely tales…
will be buried.
I want to run away
just drop what i have
and just walk away…
This is the last of what i had become
the last of what i am…
Now…
i just want rope around my neck
and just […]
I cant do it i just cant. I know he doesnt want to. but its not easy. So much being going on. I know he wants me to be happy and i know i want him to be happy. Even if he is gone. I know if i kill myself i would burn in hell… But i dont want to do that. All i want is it see him. Thats why i cant do this. This is why i need help. I want to do it for him. I dont want to break down no more i want to be strong. I want to be […]
I had refused to get out of my bed this moring. I just lay there doing nothing. My tv was off and everything seem…empty or quiet. Everything… was just… dark. I just cover myself and waited to die. I was so alone. All i could think about was him.. even alot of stuff from my past. Why couldnt the silent presents take me away. Why was i left alone in the dark to think about everything. Wondering why i was so hurt. I dont feel to well and its really hot. My neck really hurt so bad its really killing me. I wish i had […]
it hurts… it hurts alot. i can feel it cut me up like a sharp deadly knife. Im losing everything. Even when i smile it hurts alot. i think im going to cry. no lie but i dont want anyone to see. I cant trust anyone anymore. I dont even know who to go to anymore. It hurts alot. Too painful even… I guess im ready to end it. Im ready to go far away from everyone. Who cares if they miss me or not? who cares if they love me. If they care they would had help but guess what… they didnt they didnt […]
I am getting pretty tired of people calling me fat. My mom call me fat today. I knew everyone was being to nice. I knew everyone was fucking lying. They knew i was fat but didnt want to hurt my feelings. You already did by lying to me. I hate people, i hate my weight, and i hate myself. I bet there are more lies. I bet they are hiding something from me. Why do i leave a misabrel life v- v. Why has god not kill me? I am no more than a worthless patheitic overweight girl that people mock and makefun of. […]
I cant take it anymore
All we could do is escape.
Run away for everything that happen.
No need to cut your fragile skin
and no need to waste your tears.
Let your legs do the moving
and your brain do the guiding.
Dont look back
on everything that happen in the past.
Forget everything…
make a new living.
Start fresh and be happy
don’t let the past bring you down.
Thats why we ran
thats why we escape.
We can’t do this anymore
all we need to do is find joy.
The sun against our face
and the quiet peaceful neighborhood.
Doesn’t that sound great
to runaway to a […]
I want to hear her screams
i want to hear her cry
but tomorrow i want to see her smile.
Im not asking for much
nor am i begging on my knees
I dont want to kill her
only hear what she is hiding.
Not only am i trying to help
im also mentally scaring herself.
I know i mess up
but i cant help it.
The water that flows from out her eyes
the high pitch that seems to shout
from her voice box.
And when the next day comes
she just smiles
smiles like nothing ever happen.
It makes me laugh
it makes […]
I been thinking…. Everything that has gone through this week. Thinking… what has gone through my head. My surroundings… poor as usual. I been thinking… maybe i should just leave this website. Maybe just go far away from it. Delete from my history. From my mind. From my everything. I just… i really dont know anymore. All i could do is write. Write and never hear a word from it. Sometime soon… i dont know when… im just going to crack. Breakdown. and tear everything around me. Cut till my bone shows. Stop eating till my skin sticks to my bones. Maybe dying a slow […]
i just need to get this out you can say… its an rant
—————————————–
If i am able to hide myself
if i am able to hide my scars
if i am able to cry alone at night
then what does that make me
what am i?
Has everything i have become
all fake.
Fake smiles
Fakes laughs
Fake happiness.
Has the things i become
a totally lose.
I just want to leave everything
give up on everything
all i want is to leave.
Im always scare with nothing for a reason.
Everything i did most of it i regret
the people i meet
those […]
why does it feel like i did something wrong. Why wont this feeling go away. Im breaking down inside. I feel like a mess. I dont know what to do with myself anymore. I just want to cry. Or at least drown myself as i planned. Why does God hate me? God what did i do wrong. Everything seems fine but i know its really not v- v. What can i say i dont even know anymore. I dont even know who i am anymore. I just want to leave forever. Im sorry if i have to hurt people for it. I just need […]
I been seeing things
but they are not connected to strings.
Every corner i turn
it seems to burn.
All the faces i see
i feel like an escapee.
There thoughts
i can hear them loudly.
Its hard to run away
even when i pray.
Their eyes
they show a shadow if their past.
Haunted memories
flooded the place.
I cover my ears
so i cannot hear their painful moaning.
Im shaking in fear
as their words pierce me.
These are the things
i can not be free from.
I know i am not in much of help
but hearing your cries
makes me cry.
He’s gone he’s gone he’s gone
it hurts alot to know
he left and not say goodbye
i cry myself to sleep at night
i keep getting sympathy
but now its over
nothing left but memories
its so hard to feel the struggling
oh gosh im now depressed
i feel my heart fall
i feel the tears fall
i see him up above
now he’s in a better place
i hope he’s happy now
he got what he has now
i can feel the pain
as i keep thinking and thinking about you
i loved you like the best friend should
i will always be […]
I feel completly stupid. I just want to bash my head against the wall till my brains show. I cant beileve i actually believe that. Ugh im so fucking depress that i am ready to go kill myself. Im just want to jump in the river and hoping my death will be fast.(btw i breath differntly like everyone else. i have to take deep breaths just to get oxygen into my lungs. :/. Ugh fuck my life. My best friend in the whole world is dead. It hurts alot v- v. I miss him too much to ever let it go. Every time i […]
Why cant i not be left alone? Why is my name being call out every five seconds? There is other people in the fucking house you know. I cant even sleep anymore without my name being call. Ugh im going to go insane. It makes me sad and mad to even have this name. Makes me less of a person and more of a slave.:/ I cant wait to kill myself so everything is left alone without me. At least i get to sleep for once. At least i could be left alone out of this world. v- v