A few days ago I got an awful call… My best friend called me to tell me one of our good friends committed suicide. I literally broke down. I know what its like to be at the brink and feel so damn lonely but i just couldnt believe he was gone. He talked a few years ago about him planning to hang himself one night at school and one of his roommates walked in before he had the chance to actually go through with it, and they talked and he decided he wasnt ready…. i wish someone walked him on him this time. if i […]
NO home
family out of sight
tears shed
on this cold, dark night.
A razor
a deadly kiss
who wouldve known
it would end up like this.
A new year
the same shit
always sad
feeling worthless.
Had it up to here
cant go on
have no where to go
I dont belong.
I havent been in here in what seem like ages. I used to use this sight to escape my reality and let out all my anger and sadness. Since i last was on my world has turned upside down and I truly didnt know what true sadness was until a few months ago when my mom passed away. She is my EVERYTHING my life, my soul, mt breath and for a long time she was my reason to live. NOw I struggle everyday with finding a purpose for staying here on this earth. The thing that keeps me going is trying to live my life […]
Maybe one day I’ll find people in my life who will stay… promises that are constantly made to me by people i get close to are always broken no matter how much they swear up and down saying that they will always be there for me. Maybe in another life that’ll be true…
I feel as though i keep getting chases to “start over”… however i end up either back in the same place or missing where i was before. I feel like even though i have change of scenery all my baggage (especially of the emotional kind) always keeps me revisiting my past. I need to let go and move on. I dont belive in forgetting your past but for my case I dwell on it so much I need to completely push it back into the “vault” and only revisit the past when I have my head and life together; because right now I am just […]
Thank you thank you thank you for protecting my butt and my privacy! I appreciate it and send my love to you and all the other members on this website!
Yours truly,
Sunflower <3
Peace to all Love to all and Understanding to all… Find a way to forgive yourself, then you can forgive others for how they have hurt you. Spread love not hate <3
I just went on her tumblr page and i saw she got a tattoo of a flower and im pretty sure its a sunflower… is that to remind her of me? I mean that is who i am… If it is then thats fucked up because she dosent talk to me anymore but I do hope that I mean that mmuch to her that it is… but who am i kidding it probs isnt; its most likely just a flower and i’m no where on her mind. I dont know how I went from having such close friends to basically ZERO! I would love to […]
I made a bunch of amazing friends my freshman year, i finally felt loved and excepted by these amazing people. I was surrounded by love, art, understanding, and passion. School ended i said my goodbyes and had to go home knowing i would not return to them in the fall. Summer went on and i was alone in a new city with only my brother and mom to keep me company; but that wasnt so terrible; one of my friends lives 40 mins away so id see her maybe once a week or a few days every other week; plus my best friend frmo school […]
When you constantly hear how horrible of a person you are, especially from your own sibling and parent, you start to second guess yourself and even start to believe it.
Finally gave in to my urges and cut for the first time in a couple months; i feel so shitty but relieved. i feel so weak and terrible after i have fights with my mom; i guess im just feeling alone. name shit different day.
I look through the posts here on sp and i dont see any familiar names: idk whether thats a good thing or bad… I hope everyone that I have talked to that I’ve shared stories with and bad times are doing ok. I’d like to htink they dont come here anymore because their lives got better, they moved on and now are at peace with themselves. I hope thats the case <3. Maybe one day i will reach the point where this sight is a very very distant memory.
I just got done watching The Last SOng, which is a total tear jerking… im in love with this movie and the message it sends. My mom is a cancer patient, she has a type of Leukemia. Ive wasted so much time with her, ive been rude, not understanding, really selfish, and at any moment her health could turn for the worth and she could be gone from my life. SHe is the one person who I could literally not live without, she is MY rock she is my everything and i dont think ive told her enough just how much i really love her. […]
The feeling when youre holding a razor in your hand, tears pouring down your face and youre just staring at it… so close to relief, so close to that feeling you used to rely on. My arms are starting to tingle again burn and ache wanting to feel the slice of the blade and see the blood first pool then trickle down my arm. but he texted me… as if he felt the need to contact me. maybe it was a coincidence. maybe ill still cut tonight. god i really wantto cut but if he were here with me i would settle for his sweet […]
Somehow i always end up back here… back to my blog thats held my darkest secrets. I guess i find some comfort in that sp will always be here to listen. ive turned to tumblr recently which ive been venting on… but on here its different. every time i come on i feel like ive lost a battle; except this time i can truthfully say i dont want to die; i have so much more living to do… but i am so sad. i’m lonely and i hate feeling this way. I feel anxious all the time, i feel helpless, alone and i hate living […]
i see everybody moving on, everyone whos left me. everyone who was important to me. and i have moved on too maybe physically but not mentally. i still long for those people for the talk for the closeness for the laughs for being in their presence. Some im glad have moved on the ones who were negative mean nasty but it seems as though they are happy…  then why cant i be happy. fully completely. there always seems to be something. And although  seeing the people i once considered friends, lovers, family happy should make me happy as well there is a twinge of sadness […]
my brother… he needs help. He attacked me and i accidentally cut him with a plate that i was holding in my hand. im scared and shaking and really hurt how he could do that to me. now he is justifying himself to my mom. “defending himself”… thats not how it happened he knows that or maybe he really is crazy. i need to leave this house for a breather
I cant stop crying… my life my relationships have all gone to shit. I havent felt this alone in a while… i feel trapped, used, unwanted and really hurt. I need to get out of here out of this situation out of these toxic relationships… birthdays in 3 days… happy birthday to me.
.Lately I’ve been noticing a reoccurring theme in my life; never getting put first. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember in all aspects of my life. Whether it be involving friendships, relationships, family matters it’s always the same. Just once it would be nice if someone would put me and my well being first as their top priority and take into consideration my feelings and care about me. It’s really sad how I’m constantly looked over and everyone assumes I’m fine and no one seems to care about how I’m doing or feeling.
i keep looking at my old self harm pics and pictures on my tumblr keep popping up and my arms are burning. I really miss my arms being covered… the feeling of the scars that I could run my hands over. i felt like a tiger hahah a fucking tiger… but i made a promise to my mom and to myself i wouldnt but its hard. hahah hard isnt the right word its torture.
Newer Posts