My girlfriend and I have been going out for ages now and we were on Skype together and I’m really self conscious about my body and we were, you know… Over Skype and she eventually convinced me to take my shirt off and then about five minutes later she ends the call, and having told her earlier that I was nervous and scared about doing this and that I didn’t want her to leave me if she didn’t like what she saw… Then about ten minutes later she called back and I was in tears because I thought that she had intentionally hung up… And she insists that she didn’t do it on […]
Would you rather know how and when you are going to die or not know at all? I think I would prefer to know how and when, because I would set aside time to do most of the things I’ve ever wanted to do, but then again, I’d hate to know how little time I have with my girl… To know that I would never see her smile again just breaks my heart…
I walk down the street and all I see is couples holding hands and kissing (whether they are two boys, two girls, a boy and a girl, young, old) and I feel like shit, because my girlfriend is Samoan, and her family is really religious and against gay people, so I’m not aloud to tell any of her friends about us and I can only tell my friends if I know they wont tell anyone and its sucks, because I’m so proud of everything she’s done, and everything she’s become… I met her in year 9 and as soon as I saw her, I was sprung… We started dating, and we were going out for nearly […]
My blood litters the bathroom floor;
Another fight with you,
Your up against the door,
Begging me not to do it,
Dont go away, you say,
Please stay.
I dont want to leave but I have to,
If I stay, one of us is sure to get hurt;
I hate seeing pain in your beautiful brown eyes,
So therefore I know it is me that has to die.
I’m leaving out the front door!
Your sitting on the couch,
Hoping for one last kiss,
But I know that if I give in now,
I wont be able to go,
You say ‘I love you babe’.
As one tear slowly runs down my face,
You say that we’ll get through this;
We alway do!
I love you babe!
I love you […]
I hate how much responsibility is put on me, my Grandpa is in hospital at the moment and I have to go see him every afternoon after school and all day on both Saturday and Sunday… I’m 16 and I’m failing grade 11 because I get home from the hospital at 8:00 most nights and by the time I  finally get home, I’m so exhausted and I have no time to do my assignments or see my friends and I’ve only seen my girlfriend 4 times in the past 2 and 1/2 months… And all my family do is make me feel bad about not wanting to […]
Sitting here, thinking about how sweet release from life would be fantastic right about now… But then I think about my girl and as much as we fight, she’s still the only thing keeping me from killing myself…
Am I stupid for cutting myself? Am I weird because I want to die? I’m not one of those people that can talk freely to someone about all my problems, I’m would rather deal with it all myself… The other night, I had completely shredded my wrist in the shower, a couple days later my Mum saw them, and went off at me for it… I got the whole “This is bad Tamara, you need help, because your clearly not dealing with this… You need to go to a Shrink and deal with all this shit” speech… I know that she was probably just worried, […]
I hate having to put on a happy face everyday, so my friends don’t worry… But I don’t know why I care because, it’s not like I fit in… I’ve never really fit in though, so… Every day I go home and I fight with my self, because I know that if I pick up the razor, I won’t be able to stop… These days, not even my girlfriend can make the pain and tightness in my chest go away… I even learnt how to make a noose the other day… It’s the first time I’ve been this proud of myself in about […]