Yesterday was my birthday. I spent it alone drinking, and fighting with my only friend who now refuses to speak to me.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I hate my family. They torture me. I have zero reason to stay here anymore.
No one cares enough in this world to make any difference for me.
I would like a gun but I only have a rope. I chickened out last night but, Tonight’s the Night.
Thank you for everything. You all will be in my last thoughts.
And I’m attracted to them, initially.
The pattern goes like this: We meet, hang out and instantly connect. I’m very attracted to his emotional sincerity, creativity, attentiveness, and intelligence. At first, he seems like a dream; only an hour has passed and we feel comfortable talking about our most personal fears, and hopes. We kiss and he’s so romantic and flattering, saying he admires my beauty and kindness. He feels as if he can open up to me, easily reveal himself. I fall even faster; he must be my soulmate with this mutual vulnerability and ease. It’s just so damn easy to feel good around […]
I have no motivation to do anything constructive to entertain myself on this Friday night, yet I can’t stop obsessively surfing the web.
I was feeling positive, hopeful, but the loneliness and boredom that accompanies it is overwhelming. I feel I can’t do this alone.
My heart aches. I wake up anxious nearly everyday wondering when it will end.
If I could just feel happy, I know that’s impossible but ugh. Please, have mercy. I look around at all these functional people living their lives and I don’t understand how they lead such stressful lives without breaking. How do they persevere? They’re like superheroes to […]
Back on my anti-depressants/anxiety/orgasms/emotions. I feel much lighter, less anxious, speak my mind more. But, I feel nothing. So, I do a line, or have some wine.
I don’t really care about life. I’ve started dating older men, 40s-50 because…well I guess I feel ugly. I feel bored. Life is consistently pointless. I guess I feel these men will validate me in some way. Hm. No, I don’t look to them for a “father figure”, my dad has always made an effort to be in my life and still is.
I’m just…wandering. Good things may happen but, meh. I just want to lay in bed all […]
…is anyone on this site not a teenager? Specifically, at least 20 years old and dealing with adult problems like, wallowing in debt, seeing everyone getting married with children and wondering if you’ll be alone forever etc.
I don’t mean to invalidate the pain of the young ones on this site but, being a teenager is supposed to be tough. You’re growing up, trying to become yourself, yet you got parents and teachers telling you who to be at the same time.
If you can get through this tough time, you’ll most likely be fine.You’ll learn that all the playground politics and late homework are […]
I don’t know how we got there, but we were there, in my bed. Only a white sheet covering your gorgeous body, revealing a patch of chest hair, and my head on your shoulder; my “nook” as you called it.
Whether the light through my curtains signaled dawn or dusk, I couldn’t say, and it didn’t matter anyhow, because you were here with me again. Looking up at you, I asked for a kiss, it’d felt like forever since I’d kissed you, […]
Ever since a man, who I was involved in a brief affair with, decided to insult, attack, and ultimtely discontinue any contact with me because I “emasculated” him, I’ve been hating humanity.
I apologized, and such, but his abrasiveness continued, leading me to spend yesterday’s entierty crying, and exploring ways to kill myself.
I’m extremely sensitive, vulnerable to any semblence of rejection, mean words, or even subtle gesture. Not sure why I’m writing this even, perhaps because I want to remove it from my brain. I can’t sleep, or enjoy any moment of peace. I’m useless. My stomach churns acrobatically at my inferiority.
I’m so fucking ashamed of […]
…therefore I from now on view all males as evil, sex-obsessed douchebags, who spoil life’s only redemption, love, by feigning it in order to have sex.
Therefore, I’m becoming a stripper. It’s not like men respect me when I take time to befriend them, am educated, work hard, and dress modestly. I might as well beat them at their own selfish game. Not even that, but, all of the love, romance, and sweet hope I had kept in my heart for an honest gentle man, is gone. I’m jaded. As far as I’m concerned the last decent man died in a car crash six months ago.
I […]
Thought things were looking up but, it was all an illusion.
All I wanted was a true love that stayed, someone to embrace and give life meaning. But, man after man, date after date, I’ve given my trust to, to be used and returned to loneliness.
My therapy sessions have become philosophical debates: I, citing evidence as to why I have reasons to be so unhappy and worthless; her, telling me its simply the thoughts in my head and I can change in time.
Really? These men leaving me like trash, the missed phonecalls, being ignored by someone who lives in my same 6 unit apartment building, is […]
Someone saved me last week from hanging myself. The loneliness was driving me mad. Yet, here I am again contemplating death. It is my refuge from the emptiness of life.
Now, I want to die because I simply don’t enjoy it. The one person who brought me joy and color to my world is now dead. I’ve been trying to move on and find happiness in the connections of those still alive, but I don’t enjoy spending time with people. Nor do I have the energy to try and find a new close companion.
So, I just sit in my room, waiting. Waiting for something to happen. […]
So I called an old friend to tell them I was planning on killing myself Monday. They didn’t answer.
I am. If anyone’s out there who feels the same and would like some company, send me an email. I just need someone to check up with throughout the day/night. I’m a fabulous listener and a sweet lady.
I’ve been planning on killing myself  Monday but I really want something good to happen so I won’t be compelled to.
Fighting through the loneliness is just too difficult.
wildernessrealm@gmail.com
Cheers
Wondering who I should choose to sign as witnesses on my will. I asked my grandma but she won’t sign and my father would probably be devasted and confused. Don’t want any acquaintances to know, do I ask a stranger?
I have only 4 days left to finish all of my documentation and such so, I’m not sure what to do.
I love her dearly and I feel so calm around her; basically the mom I never had. Talking to her and getting her hugs is so relieving for me…but she’s not my mom. And I don’t want to burden/scare her by mentioning I’m suicidal.
But, I don’t know how else to reach out to her. I’m embarrassed that I have no one else and I also don’t want to overwhelm her. I really just see her as the only person that has the ability to help me.
Wrote my Last Will tonight. Getting it notarized this weekend and signed by two witnesses tomorrow. Felt great. Left most everything to my recently deceased lover’s family. His mom was the second kindest person to me; the first being her beautiful son who I can’t bear to live on without.
I’m lonely. So much that I’m wondering if it’s possible to die of loneliness like starvation.
Why did you have to die, James? You were the only one who cared about me. I just want to be with you wherever you are.
She’s not senile; from what I’ve heard from my father and other family members she’s been unreasonable from the start.
With that said…she adopted me at 9 and has taken care of me since. I’m now 22 and finally moving out in a few months.I’m financially dependent on her which is what she uses to manipulate me. She knows that I’m too overwhelmed to go to school full time and keep a job to support myself so she knows that I must tolerate her unreasonableness or be homeless.
For example, my car is at the mechanic and will be for a few days. She doesn’t drive anymore […]
Well, the love of my life died suddenly and tragically in a car crash two days ago. The car split in two. All over the news. I was just going to visit him this week; only one more month until I made the decision to move to his city and attend the university I was accepted to there.
Icing on the cake though is that he was a passenger in some girl’s car. His mom and family say he only mentioned her once and that he was a “one woman man”. I believe it was an innocent and friendly meeting but it still hurts. It hurts […]
Friend called the cops on me after I told him I was ready to die.
After that dehumanizing experience, I want to die even more. I learned that if I should ever attempt suicide, just let them find the body. My life has been ostensibly good lately: got a dream job, making friends, accepted to universities, yet I can’t get over losing  him. I never will. I really don’t know what to do anymore.
Even with all of my personal growth and success, I’m still not good enough for him.
It’s late. The last person who said they would sticky by me and be my friend is now ignoring me. I officially have no one. I don’t really have anything to say. Just desperately lonely. Wondering why I have to suffer so much. Wondering why no one cares.
I just don’t understand how his heart suddenly turned so cold.He knows I have no one. He knows I want to die. And yet, he ignores me. I just don’t even know anymore. My heart aches with loneliness. I just wish my mother had had that abortion. Selfish *****. Don’t have a kid if you aren’t going to […]
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