Having a bad day and ive only been up an hour. Im pretty sure im not well but dont have the fight in me to care. To try and numb the pain ive takin tramadol and double dose of sleeping pills. I have even pulled out the dress and shoes id like to be cremated in.they are hanging next to my bed. I probably should whrite that doen sonewhere. Not thst a dress will make a difference ill still be a fat ugly corpse
Last night I had the most triggering dream ever. I’ve been thinking all day about it and this is the most depressed I’ve felt in a while. Also, because of this, today I planned to tell my mum about it but then my brother decided to tag along. I didn’t tell her, probably never will. What a failure of a person, what a waste of space.
-V
Another night. I’m by myself in my room and my mind is racing, a million different thoughts going through my head. My boyfriend won’t answer don’t have many friends it’s just me myself and not I but my thoughts. They haunt me at 1 in the morning they are the reason I can’t sleep. I’m scared of being cheated on being left. Sometimes I’m just so scared. But then when I’m by myself I just feel empty. Like there is no one there in the end. My thoughts are my enemy. I hate being alone. I just want someone who is there when I need […]
Today is one of those days when it’s difficult to just exist. When thinking is your worst enemy. When you just want to disappear.
Even though it hasn’t been a particularly bad day, nothing feels right. I’m such an useless pessimist.
-V
I LOVE Poppy seeds so I bought 25 pounds with the last of my amazon store credit. It’s just orgasmic. Everybody should try it. 😉 Question who thinks I’m really fucked up?
I’m going to try to not make this as long as it was going to be before.
To summarize my problem: I have spent every day of my life almost all the time thinking about why I do what I do and how I feel about any given thing. Imagining every experience I can and trying to gain and understanding of how everyone else feels about anything. All I have ever wanted in life, as many people do, was someone who saw value in me.
The problem is because I have such an insanely high level of understanding for other people, they can’t trick me at all. […]
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Knowing that everyday you will just hurt someone else. My life doesn’t just pain me, it hurts others too. I won’t back out this time. I have just lost all sanity. I am fully gone. Nothing is holding me back. Goodbye world, because the hundredth “nobody likes you, go kill yourself” was the last. Now you will say, “what a loser, nobody liked him”.
Hello everyone,
This is my first post. Although I have read through much of this website for the past few weeks, I have simply relegated my involvement to that of backseat viewer. I have now decided to share with you a little about who I am and why I browse this website to pass the time.
First, a little bit about me. I have read the sources of many people’s depression and suicidal thoughts and I regret to say that exteriorly, I may represent an unorthodox example of a someone who is plagued with the issue of suicide. I am 19 years old, an excellent student, good looking, […]
Hi…
There are endless problems in my life and my life really seems like hell. I am tired of my life.
The problems are physically, mentally and socially troubling me continuously, all the time. Earlier I was a simple person living an ordinary life. I was physically somewhat less healthy. But rest things were going normal. But then chronically painful things happened later. Once during my holidays, I joined a swimming pool. It was only after a few days that I felt something wrong in my ears, as if they were blocked, perhaps water got trapped into them. There was a serious ear infection which painfully lasted […]
So, hi all, I’m new here. That sentence in itself sounds whack enough to qualify me to be here, eh? I was reading the Read This First – Actively Suicidal subsection & noted how well it applied to me. I feel that my coping resources are next to nil. Never had good ones, but with so many stresses going on I can’t even seem to get the ones I have to work. I feel like I’m drowning in stress…ready to snap.
Fibromyalgia, OCD, Binge Eating Disorder, chronic depression, plus all the regular stressors of life…just can’t seem to cope. Trying…struggling to keep lips above the water […]
Last weekend I decided on today to be the best day to kill myself. It made a lot more sense than 7/2/15 because I didn’t see a connection in those numbers. But I like, and do like, how 11/30/77 to 7/30/15 looks and sounds. I’m a bit of a numbers freak, so dying on the same day of the month is appealing, along with the connection between my birth year (two 7’s) and it being the 7th month. Close enough. Like I said, I’m a numbers freak and I pay crazy attention to numbers. But what stopped me???? ….
I was (and do still) feel so […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I really don’t know what to feel about myself at the moment. I’m not sure how to word this, but I just go ahead anyway. I’ve recently been watching Onision videos since he popped out on my Recommended List.
I checked out his videos on cutting on a whim, and frankly speaking, he’s super blunt. I’m not going to lie, the way he says it all, about how cutting is ‘attention whoring’, and that cutters are ‘stupid, and crazy’ kinda hit me hard. He says that I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head and a good education and all the opportunities […]
Please can someone let me know (even privately) of the reputable suppliers of ******** given in PPH? I have very little money, have been in chronic pain, and feel it’s time to go. Please someone out there give me the advice I need. I don’t have the time or money for Dignitas.
Blessings,
Gill x
A Poem Written by Myself.
The Itch
I have this itch.
It lives inside me
and I don’t know
why it stays.
I have this itch.
It burns my skin,
and I don’t know
how it stops.
I have this itch.
It sheds my blood,
and I don’t know
why I’m doing this.
I have this itch.
It’s around my neck,
and I know exactly
how I got here.
~XxNameGoesHerexX
I wish being good to him was enough. I wish giving everything I have to give was enough. I wish loving and adoring him were enough. I wish it wasnt all about looks and money. I wish I could be the one to worship him. I wish I counted. I wish he believed my love was real instead of desperation as he thinks it is. I wish he weren’t superficial at all. I wish I didn’t have to be without him. He thinks it’s unhealthy to love just one person… and I don’t think it’s anything close to love to want a dozen or more […]
… and it’s true.
I was just told this by my GF after she ran through the checklist of all my failures and shortcomings. As if I was completely unaware and aloof of how utterly fucked I am and have been for the last few years. Now, I’m sure she means to somehow motivate me or in some other way try to light a fire under my ass to somehow ferret my way to at least a treading water type of existence in some clever way – she’d be ecstatic if I could manage that.
What’s funny (ironic/weird type funny … and in a twisted way funny ha […]
I consider myself to be an Empath. You might be one too. It’s been extremely difficult to live and function in a society where people don’t really have empathy so it’s hard for them to really feel what somebody else is going through. And that’s why so many people are ruthless and cutthroat, you know. Being and Empath is like having a finely tuned ‘Bullshit’ Lie-Detector. It’s really strange to have the ability to really feel what other people are feeling because I don’t know how to handle and cope with it. Now, staying away from strangers is easy enough; I just don’t go outside […]
This is my first post so bear with me if i make a mistake. My name is Curtis, Im 14 year old male and this is my story. My parents split when i was 3 and i never thought much about it and when i reached Grade 4 my dad came back into my life. I was so happy i couldn’t believe it i missed him so much. After a year and a bit it was October of my Grade 5 yead and it was my weekend to see my father. When i arrived i went to my room to sleep cuz it was late […]
I don’t know how or where to start. Suffered from depression as long as I can remember. Meds help, but only to a point. I thought I had found a semi-happy medium. A 13 months ago my husband of 24+ years came out as transgender. No, I didn’t have any clue. Now, I have been to hell and back with this person. They are an alcoholic, they have been mentally abusive to me, and physically a few times. But we raised a wonderful son, who means the world to me. I have had fibromyalgia for a bit more than 20 years now, and it has […]