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I really want to kill myself it just seems so much easier. Im only 13 I shouldnt be this way. No one would miss a useless, mean, ***** like myself. I honestly dont deserve to live. I really wonder why I havent done it yet.
I always considered Robin Williams an “original” comedian. Simply meaning he was one of the comedians I saw mostly in the movies I watched growing up. (Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, etc.) I always admired these men and have actually hoped to meet them.
I remember being so depressed, and so lost in my life, mind, body, and soul. I had been thinking of death.. actually HOPING for death. I would imagine things and imagine the peace I would probably feel. Around this time I watched What Dreams May Come, and it gave me a better understanding of suicide (even if it is a fictional story) and surprisingly […]
Everything was kind of okay now it’s turning all to shit I relapsed again and I just can’t breath.
I came to that conclusion myself and that state of mind is what kept my suicidal thoughts in check for the past 8 years.
But now perhaps I stop believing in what I’ve came up with.
Lately I have to consciously activate my self preservation instinct on my every waking hours, and it’s so exhausting.
It’s considered more tragic when teenager commit suicide because of what they might missed out on and the fact that thing will get better.
So when I see a 63 years old man, who may have 10 or so more years left to live, chose now instead of waiting, it […]
Watch the video and see how.
Most days I want to end it. I don’t have a plan. I don’t dwell on a way out. I just want it all to end.
When I was 12 (I’m 30 now) I first thought about suicide. It seemed romantic. Maybe I’d come back as a ghost – if a somehow fashioned a guillotine then I’d haunt my house like Marie Antoinette. Maybe I’d get to meet god, the real god. As irrational as it sounds, I was curious about death – what was it like on the other side? IS there an other side? That being said, I was also looking for a way out. I […]
I feel badly because when I heard about Robin Williams’ death, I didn’t feel sad. I felt jealous, I felt angry that I have come so close but not had the courage to end my suffering. I felt happy for Robin. He is finally free. But I couldn’t really tell anyone those feelings
RIP Robin Williams!
This is the best article I have read on the subject of suicide and understanding the how and why:
http://www.blogher.com/what-suicide-isn-t-rip-robin-williams?page=0,0
Because I can’t care
If I cared,
I would already be destroyed
But by not caring,
I am destroying
…
….
I’m stuck.
Its not like Im some teenage girl going through tough times. iam a 20 year old adult who wants to be free, i dont care what it takes, i dont even care anymore about anything, i’ll be doing it for myself and only myself to free myself from this world, because this world is black, and i have seen colors, i have enjoyed here but not anymore, im not sad, i know this is the right thing to do and i will be getting hold of a gun soon, guns are fast, and they suit my personality.
Years of pain. Years of searching. Years of planning even. Now, after years of searching,when I have obtained the requirement for my exit I have been advised that they are changing the law here in relation to Advance Directives. There is now some hope that I can have some say in my exit. Could I ask of those of you from different counties and cultures have Advance Directives or Living wills etc worked. I would also advise all to consider this, even when I could see no hope or alleviation of the pain something happened that even slightly lightened my load.
RIP Robin Williams. When I heard of his death, and the method, it disturbed me because I said, “even great people can be beaten by the demons”. Fuck suicide, fuck depression. It’s a fucking epidemic. Pardon my French, I’m having bad anxiety and self harm urges again today. And lately I’ve also wanted to “pretend” hang myself again. I used to tie a rope around my neck and yank until I felt like I was gonna pass out. I figure I better not do it but damn the urges to do whatever I can to be self destructive is so great.
Help me God.
“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown ”Pagliacci” is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am ”Pagliacci”.”
“Baby’s all dressed up with nowhere to go
That’s the little story of the girl you know
Relying on the kindness of strangers
Tying cherry knots, smiling, doing party favors
Put your red dress on, put your lipstick on
Sing your song, song, now the camera’s on
And you’re alive again”
i haven’t been posting much lately because it is always the same old shit. i take 6 medications to try to make me feel better. i was recently put in my place by my shrink who sees 24 nut jobs like me a day. 20 minute appts only. money wise it comes out to $800 an hour-nice scam . i finally got it through my thick skull that the less i say the easier the appts will be. just give me my scripts and send me on my way. i can write with impunity now knowing that no one has the time to read these […]
All The Oscars,money and fame couldnt stop depression from attacking you!depression just doesnt attack poor people only,it can attack anyone.He wasnt born with depression,but has been battling it for years,HE WAS A COMEDIAN!!made people laugh all the time,and yet depp down he wasnt happy.goes to show that we can smile and shake hands around people,while dying inside.63years,and he did it!he mustve been contemplating it for months or whatever,becoz we all want to do it,but keep holdin on,faith,or whatever.shit is real!
he can finally find peace.R.I.P ROBIN WILLIAMS
She smiles through a thousand tears,
and harbors adolescent fears.
she dreams of all that she can never be;
she wades in insecurity
and hides herself
in
me.
onds never heel the time of year that things happun kill me i cant take it
Feeling lost. Kinda undecided and unsure of what to feel or think. Lost in the depression. Lost in life.
Im isolating myself more and more for every day that passes. I feel completly, and utterly alone. This is something I feel I need to do- to minimize the damaged for the once I love. I have had no contact with any of my friends during the summer… and well, Im planning on giving them the cold shoulder once I get back to school. Distans is key to break as few hearts as possible I do belive.
But hey,if anyone feels like talking im all up for it. It’d be nice have a conversation that last more then a few words.
I’ve made a facebook, where im […]
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