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there are times when i really want to dance the line of life and death, and others where i am glad to be alive. lately though it seems to be the latter of the two. Â there have been times when i have tried to slice my wrists, i have tried to take pills. my question is this: is there a reason i am still here?
I’m starting to see why people do certain things, I may not fully understand it but I think when we are in a place where we feel pent up by our circumstances, a change is wanted…needed. Right now I’m low on oxygen and I’m hanging by an idea. Will a moment come when we find something that gives us fresh air, makes everything seem lighter, brighter more promising, even scary. Looking back to a sad place its easy to ignore it, and maybe move toward what you want to do. In ways I wish I could see an option like that for me but now […]
How many folks believe in heaven here?
I never stopped being depressed, I just got better at faking my smile.
being bipolar, having major health issues, and not having any friends makes me need to die. i have noone in real life. i dont work unfortunately. cant keep a job. i reaally need to die. everywhere i go i see folks having what i dont have. i just cant live anymore.
I’ve chosen October 12, 2014.
One hundred and nineteen days, or: a little under four months to live, reconcile myself with the prospect of oblivion, attempt to say goodbyes. I won’t pretend that I’m not afraid of what comes (or, rather, what doesn’t come) after this world, but my desire to die is far stronger than my fear of the unknown.
I’ve even found a peaceful, painless way. There’s no gory aftermath to contend with. I would like to minimize, as realistically as possible, the casualties of an acquaintance’s suicide.
I don’t know about the afterlife, differential calculus, or interstellar space, but I know that this much is true: Some people were […]
I am 36..had a pretty rough life.. Not as bad as some, but still pretty rough.. I was sexually abused from about the age of 4 or 5 until I was about 11 by 2 family members..my grandfather and my uncle.. I started smoking pot at around 8 or 9, started drinking when I was I think 10.. Snuck out of my house and. Partied every weekend and would even sneak my parents liquer to school in sports bottles.. once I realized that I can escape this reality I did whatever I could and did it to the max.. I then started lsd and cocaine […]
I have always tried to mean something to someone, but in the end I end up meaning nothing to everyone. I started to notice that I’m like the “backup” friend. The one who is always ignored except when someone needs a favor. The one who doesn’t exist except when someone needs help. The worst part is that I do it expecting something more than a simple “thank you”.
It’s not the first time I’ve felt like this, but I can’t get over it. When I help someone, I exist for somebody for just a few moments. I guess that’s why I keep doing it. But it’s […]
Here, in oblivion. Maybe, I’ll find another chance.
I’m afraid there’s nothing more to say.
I’m not make belief, I’m a kid dying.
The holy spirit is the most beautiful.
I will go, before the solstice, if I can. I must.
The leaf is ripped in my hand. Omega-death.
Do not let me hang by the neck, any longer.
That’s the cruelest satanic shit. Fuck narcissist.
Those motherfuckers took over the world. Some fucked up breed of killers.
But now, it’s a whole other breed. My heart since the beginning, with the animals.
I need to be able to breathe, I can, if you let […]
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. Life is just taking control of everything. It’s summer and my mom still hasn’t found out about my cuts and scars. I just need someone to talk to, please? Someone that understands me. I just miss the Jada I used to be.
This is not going to be an easy night, but i have made promises to people that i care for deeply that I will not doing anything crazy. As most of my posts, I praise my brother because he is the honestly the only reason I am still here. Love you brother and I hope my problems do not take away from your honeymoon. Sleep well SP.
Novelist Graham Greene played Russian roulette as a teenager
If the first volume of his autobiography A Sort of LIfe is to be believed, then the novelist Graham Greene did not have a very auspicious childhood.
His earliest memory was of sitting in his pram atop a hill, with a dead dog at his feet. When he was five, Greene walked with his nurse close to an alms-house, outside of which a crowd had gathered. Suddenly a man rushed forward and into the building. It was said he was about to cut his throat. Greene and his nurse waited among the wide-eyed spectators, until the man appeared […]
Hey..
Did you know that I cried myself to sleep last night?
Did you know that I sit alone in class?
Did you know that my friends talk behind my back?
Did you know that I fake a smile?
Did you know that I lie when I say I’m alright?
Hey… Hey, mom..
Did you know that thoughts of suicide became an ordinary thing for me?
Did you know that it hurt when you called me fat?
Did you know what I go through at school?
Did you know how much it hurts when I don’t get a higher mark in my tests, and to see the disappointment on everyone’s faces when I fail their […]
I would love to wake up and not feel so much pain emotionally and physically! I’m starting to feel that my life is hopeless and unreal. I’m 26 and from what I’ve experienced throughout my short little life on this planet, has been the epiphany of hell its self. Everyday I wake up I’m hoping for it to be my last day, but I’m never lucky. I had tried suicide in the past, but they were a load of bullshit methods. But now I’ve figured out that the only way out of this world is strictly painful methods. We want to go painlessly, but that […]
Im 26 today. Every day i live is another day i pray to die. How fucked up is that. I keep praying to god that he’ll just take me his own way. Car accident. Heart attack. Allergic reaction. The flu. Some crazy disease. Cancer. Being hit by a car. Even kidnapping, I dont really care anymore. Ive already been raped… Rape and murder would be better than this shit. I just dont want to get to the point where i have to do it myself. Why cant i just accidentally take the wrong step going up the stairs and, bam, thats all she wrote. Its crazy […]
I’ve never posted anything on a blog before, but given the circumstances, I feel obliged to speak out. I have lost my roommate Carl to suicide about a month ago. The circumstances were tragic. His sister had committed suicide last November and this had sent the family into a huge depression. Unfortunately, both of Carl’s parents are now dead as a result of their own hand. All of this was far too much. It still feels unreal to me. Things like this just don’t happen. I am unsure how to move on…..
I’ve spent most of my life being suicidal. Every single day I wake up and wonder if it’s going to be my last. I exist in a dissociated haze or fog 99% of the time. I really hate my life. I don’t so much hate my job — I think I just hate doing anything that takes any effort… like I am just so thoroughly tired that I don’t give a shit enough to lift a finger for myself anymore. I just want to not work and wait for the credit card to run out and then kill myself.
Over the past seven years I’ve drifted […]
My name’s DeathsAngel like the book I have arthritis, fibromialgia, CRPS, gird, aspergers, am bipolar, have manic depression, here voices, see a shadow, was abused as a child and am severely bullied. I have wanted to kill myself for three years. Last year I told my mom and she sent my to the hospital ever since then I have constant med switches but nothing is helping. I’m under eighteen so I have no say in my meds. I’m severally obese or at least medically obese, and ugly don’t even try to fight me on it. I have no self esteem. Make-up does nothing to improve […]
I’m a piece of fucking shit and this world should throw a “thank fuck he’s dead” no-expense-sparred party when I drop dead! After dreading my cousins wedding for days and not sleeping for the past week it’s turned out as bad as I imagined. Ofc it would because everything that could have gone wrong in my life has and always will occur… my mum dying shortly after I was born, being beaten and abused, bullied, being fucking retarded and barely hitting puberty, and being mentally ill.
I fucked up the whole day. I got lost driving to the place, I couldn’t find a seat and everyone […]
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