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Not answering…Not breathing…Why..??!?!
So I need some advice, I am full of guilt and so many emotions right now.
Back Story:
Within the last 2 months, my boyfriend of 4 years decided it would be easier for him to completely pack up and leave me without saying a word. He cut me out of his life and one day just stopped replying. He had told his family that we had split up (news to me) and had moved to a city about 2.5 hours away from me. Before blocking me on Facebook I seen that he has moved in with his new girl, they may not be dating but I […]
Another morning…..trying to focus. Ă‚Â I just can’t. Ă‚Â Why? Ă‚Â To what end? Ă‚Â For another morning, years from now, to realize the same thing every waking moment that I’m miserable and there’s no point. Ă‚Â I can barely look at myself without breaking down. Ă‚Â I hate myself – unworthy fuck. Ă‚Â Fuck you all for making me feel like a freak, but fuck myself most of all for letting it get to me. Ă‚Â I wish I could be stronger. Ă‚Â I should be. Ă‚Â I thought I would have grown out of this, but it’s always there really. Ă‚Â I feel like a scared spoiled brat wasting away in a […]
Well. I wasnt sure about it but today im gonna eat a proper meal.. Eggs and sausage!
Some one reported me… FOR WHAT??
I am sick of feeling the same things over and over.
“I want somebody to care” I say, well seriously. What do I really expect? Why should I expect anybody to care? I am nothing. Nothing at all. I am small and needy, like a child, my mother is surely sick of me by now. The first 2 attempts didn’t work. I’m still waiting for some miraculous solution to reveal itself. Maybe in a few days time. I used to have people in my life. I used to be cared about, now everyone who ever meant something is just a ghost, a memory, and I am […]
i’m male and in my mid-twenties, and have lived long enough now to have seen friends, family members, and others around me make something of themselves, but i never did. i attended college on and off for years after high school, but never attained a degree. i dated pretty and nice girls, but can’t say any relationship i’ve been in lasted long or was meaningful. i’m lonely and have been for a long time. if i try to meet girls, i worry about being hurt again and doom myself to failure. i want to finish my degree, but feel that the only way to do […]
Well I’m back again and glad to know I’m not pregnant but because of the scare he left me and I’m starting to regret that it happened. . . but I’m over it and I’m glad we are no longer together because surprisingly if i was he wasn’t going to be there for me or our child. During that time i had time to meditate and mature some more and realize i should just exclude everyone out my life and start over 🙂 even though i still have days i cut myself because of frustration I’m very much good and getting better thank you for […]
As of right now, I’m at the bottom of the pit. If you look at my charts, I should be doing okay. But I feel so utterly depressed. I haven’t smoked weed or cigarettes in a month, and I’m not abusing my medicine. I’m also seeing a therapist and have hung out with my friends more often. Well, my clean friends that is.
Of course there’s a dark side though. I started drinking again. It’s not a lot, but I know it’s not good for me. Honestly though, if I don’t have a piece of the old me, I fear I’ll go insane. The thing is, […]
Why can’t I choose when my life ends? Why do people think its oh so bad to want to end a life? Im not killing others just myself. I should be able to have some control over what I do. If I can’t have control over my life, then why not my death? Shouldn’t I be able to do what makes me happy? I want it to end on my terms. My terms are dieing with in the first few weeks of school starting.
A year ago I felt so peaceful and free after moving forward on my plans to recover from an eating disorder that had taken over my life and jeopardized my health. I was improving more each and every day, I was enjoying food, and pleasure had been brought back to life. I thought the nightmare was over, I knew relapse was a harsh possibility, but I assured myself I would stay strong. At the time I had no support other than the occasional “I’m so happy for you” from a friend. That’s the way I wanted it, […]
Fear her injections
Her panic is not a release
It’s an excuse
Simply so she can bleed
Her heroine decays the veins
She has things inside
She must kill, it’s killing timeĂ‚Â
When she screams
Let your eyes wander past
She wants you to fear how much you love her
Yet she knows you don’t love her at all
And so she’s afraid of your audacity to care
When she knows that no one cares at all
This duty is fearless to breathe without courage
Burning time, light a match, watch her burn
A witch which you know is innocent among her sin
Cutting time, […]
ok. so i am a wife and mom. not happy at all. my life sucks. my kids (14 and 16) and husband are all about themselves. i get no respect (like rodney dangerfield). all i do is give give give and get shit in return. nothing i do is good enough. i had a great job and lost it by getting laid off. i have not had a luck in finding another good paying job. i was a paralegal and the bread winner in my family. i am working again but everybody still thinks that i can just buy buy buy and get get get […]
There r so many things in my life i regret. i just dont seem to ever say or do the right things like what i do is never good enough. alot of the time it makes me feel like a fuck up like i just cant get my shit together but it always comforts me to kno that one day i will b able to leave and just live away from everyone. I feel that as ive gotten older i just suck at relationships. Its not anyone elses fault im truly just an asshole. Idk i just wish that i didnt hav to worry about […]
sunflower youre right.
im avoiding my feelings for a reason.
it doesnt matter the reason.
but i am.
I’m exhausted. neglect, abuse, rejection. Love of my life gone and a new partner the same day. I want to go back to feeling happy. i don’t know how to go, I think im just scared of the process. Today I drank rum and swallowed sleeping pills then went to my roof to jump. I just stared down. All I could think was “will it hurt?” “what will happen after?” “what if I survive?” I’m tired of feeling scared I just want to end this decade […]
(Moderators beware as this is a rule breaking plauge of destruction. Please dont take it down.)
This is my plan in its final steps in which im going to leave this horrible world. The 25th of august I leave for Britain, the 30th I die.
On the 25th im going to sussex to go to a small suicidal camp to finally end my suffering. They are going to gas me with hydrogen cianide until i pass out and die a non painful death. I have bags, a ticket and a temporary home to stay in before i die.I will Ă‚Â be burnt and given to the people that […]
I know not to worry. But he didn’t call back like he said he would yesterday. “I’ll call back inĂ‚Â a minute” This is a really long minute. He didn’t return the call today…Ă‚Â The second I showed my face in the kitchen this morning, I was yelled at. Because I have sleeping issues and it’s apparently my fault. Then I was b*tched at because I had my door closed. I always have my door closed. Always. ALWAYS. It’s always my fault.. I’m always the reason why everyone else is miserable, and the only thing I did was not interact with anyone but my boyfriend. I’m just […]
Well just a few weeks ago, while I was traveling, my mother lost her job. I figured by the time I got home that things wouldnt be too bad, but that she would be looking for work. Well she has yet to even look for a job. Our finances are really starting to stretch, and I know that, even though she wont admit it. I have been working recently and I am getting a second job soon, while my mother continues to sit at home and not do much.
I understand she is down on her luck, and I don’t want to kick her while she […]
Its been 6 months since i was last here on SP.. Im not sure what compelled me to come back today. but i did. im not sure how long ill stay around the site, but for the time being, im back.
I left several friends on this site, im hoping to find them again.