As of right now, I’m at the bottom of the pit. If you look at my charts, I should be doing okay. But I feel so utterly depressed. I haven’t smoked weed or cigarettes in a month, and I’m not abusing my medicine. I’m also seeing a therapist and have hung out with my friends more often. Well, my clean friends that is.
Of course there’s a dark side though. I started drinking again. It’s not a lot, but I know it’s not good for me. Honestly though, if I don’t have a piece of the old me, I fear I’ll go insane. The thing is, instead of lowering me off of my drugs and alcohol, they just took me off them completely. I compare it to being pushed into a deep pool of water that’s -30 degrees. Well, I’m not sure about that comparison, but I’ll leave it. I know most people gradually stop their addictions, but because of a health issue, I needed to stop as soon as possible. I haven’t really used anything for the past weeks, and it’s not fun.
Okay I did lie a bit. I smoked one cigarette last week. I know that could ruin all the hard work I’ve put into stopping, but I am doing better. I’ve gotten my health up a bit, and overall I’m pretty stable. I’ve always got a person with me, making sure I don’t slip up.Â I still feel down in the dumps though.
I’m gonna go all cliche on you. DONT FUCKING DO DRUGS. Instead of running to them when you face a crisis like I did, just see a counselor or something. Because all the speeches they give you in school about drugs actually contain good advice. Especially about cigarettes. I haven’t smoked them very long, only about three months, but just don’t do it. Take my word, drugs suck. If your life is already fucked up, they make them worse. Instead of mourning in your own home, you get to mourn in jail.
Alright, I’m done being your mother. Sorry.
Anyways, quitting everything is going to help me in the long run but I’ve already done a lot of damage,Â So can someone just kill me already?
I’m sorry if none if this post makes any sense. It’s like two in the morning here and I can’t sleep.