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I have had enough – This is the end. Too much stress
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I’ve been trying to figure this out for years. I’ve always had “mommy/daughter” issues. But they’re one-sided. I know we have them, she doesn’t. I’ve tried to explain to her that I don’t like what she does or how I am being treated, and she just brushes it off. I mean sure, we have our great moments. Yesterday, we went to Southlands Mall, (It’s in CO), and she actually offered to go into Hot Topic. I was very surprised, but then realized that she wouldn’t approve of anything I wanted to get. So I said no, and followed her into Bath and Body Works. She’s pretty […]
6 months ago, my 12 year old brother was in independent detention when he tried to choke himself with the wire of a spiral notebook. Gladly, someone caught him and they had the school’s deputy escort him to a behavioral institution. At the end of my school day, I was waiting down in the band hall for two of my friends, Valerie and Wolfgang, when I got the text from my mother that read: [Your brother] tried to kill himself at school. Dad and I are going to the Littleton Behavioral Institute. We don’t know when we’ll be home but you need to take care […]
I completely lost it. I don’t know how to get up anymore, today i did it more as a mechanism, because people do that, they get up. My hands are shaking, I am terribly afraid of myself. I can’t control my actions anymore. It seems like another person lives inside me, controling my mind, giving a false perception of reality. I think i am insane, I don’t want to be and the thought of it makes me cry. People have so many expectations of me but i just wish i can tell them who i really am. And more than anything i wish they could […]
Probably most of you already know this but I think I’ve finally figured it out for myself…
Sleeping is my real life. The life where everything is calm, quiet, peaceful and perfect. Waking up is when the nightmare starts.
Now that I know, I must do something about that.
to your post about how confused you feel all the time, the rage, anger, etc, I understand. I feel completely hopeless at times but try not to let my kids see it, but they know anyway. Just wanted you to know I understand the mixture of immense emotions we have all the time. Most people don’t, theyre the normal people I say but I do understand how complex this fucked up thing can be. You just want someone to understand how much pain youre feeling because most people cant understand. were angry, kind, loving, pissed, confused, desperate,sad, hopeless and trying to survive another day without […]
my computer fucked up before I was done writing but I just wanted to say I understand. very much. Im sorry for your pain but I enjoy talking music with you. I had a lot more to say but….lost it.
Going out of country for a bit so if you try to reach me and cant its not cause I don’t care. Will be reachable till Sat night 12 am. My Dad had lung surgery and has been very sick, don’t want to leave but promised my daughter we would go. Im awake tonight if u need to talk. Will be back next Sunday.
Depression is a burglar in more ways then one.
It steals all happiness and won’t let you have fun.
Your eyes start to water and your nose begins to run.
Your thoughts envelope you and you scream your done.
My dear your days of depression has soon begun.
You can’t take it anymore you give up,
Depression has won.
http://youtu.be/LBmrmVt0IJU
I sit at the edge of the fountain whilst all the children play within. There is ample water that does not touch me or cool me. My reflection broken on a thousand surfaces. A thousand eyes. A thousand fears.
Mom: I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for the family. Thank you for working so hard to pay for necessities, housing, and my medical bills. You will no longer have to deal with that though. The end is near. I’d like to also add that I wish you understood the way I have felt all of my life. The words I recall hearing still hurt me until this very day: “a mistake,” to Rebecca. The beatings were not a lesson learned, nor helpful to my self-development. Your yelling and screaming did nothing but torment me, I never wanted to hear […]
As I have mentioned many times before here on tsp, In 2002 I reclined the seat in my car in the garage and closed my eyes and waited but before I fell asleep forever I kept seeing images of my 1 yr old niece and 5 year old nephew. Â I got out of the car went up to bed, cried and have been living in pain ever since. Â But its all worth it after days like today, when they show up out of the blue and we spend some hours having fun swimming, playing wiffle ball and just being around these 2 great kids makes […]
Raining endlessly, the usual bipolar weather of New England. Cold & drabby, yet a constant reminder of how she feels on a regular basis. Allows her to empathize with at least something, but ironically rain has no vitalities, schedules, appointments, nothing. Mere droplets, all without knowledge, lacking a single breath of life, just free falling, rhythmically dancing with not a even a slight reason or for any purpose. It’s all just there, forced to fall by the weathering ways of Earth’s atmosphere, its recycling. Yet may still compare with individuals prior to “living,”, born without a choice, forced to live amongst others, unknowing & dancing […]
I am done with life obliviously why I am posting this. Anyways I want to die and can’t decide OD sleeping pills or some pill or hang. I know hanging is painful but works if your not found before dead but, OD can also be painful and doesn’t work unless you have the right pill; or what is another way?
I got my period this morning and i just got off an acid trip so im feeling really low. its the one time of the month i cant fight off. i know i said id never get on her ever again but i need to hear myself think for a bit to keep these thoughts away. Fucking shit… and julian just fucking left. feel like a panic attack is coming on 🙁
Today was nothing special, the usual boring, stressful mess at work. However, it’s still the day that finally broke me down, though I’m not sure why. For roughly three years now, not a day has passed that I haven’t thought about death, but getting home today, I knew I couldn’t stand one more day of hating what I saw in the mirror.
I’m just drained mentally, and numb emotionally. I don’t live for myself, but exist from day to pointless day. Each day is just dull maintenance of my basic needs. I find no pleasure in life, nor is there anything I want out of it: […]
I have nothing to live for and from I’ve heard IV heroin is the best high there is. Â Also there’s a good chance you can OD easily. Â Should I start up an IV heroin habit? Â Perhaps if I get caught up with the wrong crowd someone would shoot me in the head..
FML..
*Not a religious poem, just something I wrote a while back. Yes, it mentions angels, but that’s meant in a sense of protectors and security. Not Godly angels*
Tension, Stress, Impossible to Bear.
Rampaging chaos, A tourniquet, It’s all come Down to this.
A note, A noose, That’s all that’s Left.
I’m in a room
Where no one
Can hear The goodbye Whispers
Of the Lost soul as it Jumps. Falls. Hits. And is gone.
Away with The body it Held captive.
Parted into a Different world Where it wishes To be.
Don’t stop it From going there, It’s the hearts’ Desire.
Breaking free of the Straight jacket It was in.
Don’t call it Suicide. Don’t think of […]