General

depression runs in my family so i dont know if thats one of the cases of why im feeling this way. i no longer care about my grades intrests friends or family. i use to be very good at my music i played tuba and classical guitar both i couldve persuid carreers in but i lost intrest and quit them but my parents are ashamed of me. all my parents talk to me about is how il never get into college now it use toi bumb me out but ive come to except that my hopes and dreams are done for. my parents and i […]

Oh and while I am still on here I suffer from an OCD as well.  Although, it has been very mild  lately which is a scary and frustrating thought. I have not seen a doctor so strictly speaking I am not OCD, but it seems to be the only logical explanation or I am just really off the wall.

Does this site still have the “chat room”?

the reason we lose intrest in life is because life is short what if we lived forever? More importanlty what if we slept preserved forever and evolve to communicate in a world much like a mattrix within a network of conciousniss this would solve need for money hunger desire anything because it would be real but fake our purpose would be to gain knowledge understanding and become a higher socity of intelect to build and create to achive life to make an inner world in our image and everyones image a world that is connected yet sepreate like an altranite reality its not crazy it […]

I’ve been reading posts on this website for a while and this is my first post.  I’m in my thirties, but still feel like a little kid.  I hate so much about myself.  I’ve considered suicide since I was in high school, maybe even before that.  Been to counseling and psychiatrists for a good portion of my life.  I know what they’re going to say but it never really sinks in or works for me.  I don’t know if I’m too stubborn, stupid, scared, or just suck.  All of the above?  Probably.  My husband is divorcing me, I’m going to A.A. for alcoholism, and my […]

Hi, guys. I guess i’m back. Whatever kept me from this place for so long has finally depleted. I see a lot of new usernames but for the old ones, you may remember me as the ones with the random thoughts. I remember taking them away because i didnt want a trace of me to be left behind here. I felt as if nobody would remember who I am or even care. While I was browsing here to see how you guys were doing I saw one post that made me really happy. Someone was thinking about me. They said they remember my random thoughts. […]

Flirting with Death is a roller coaster ride in the fog – you can never see ahead, if Death will accept you or if he will turn you down. He has his own way of going about things, turning off the lights for a good man and letting a bad one go free, but Death keeps it simple. He will come for you when it is time. Not before. Not after. You can speed his process along by smoking or by drinking, slow it down by exercising, but even when you slit your wrists, cut your throat, shoot yourself – Death will not take you […]

All of you are the same. I thought I’d come here and find nihilists such as myself. People who actually understand real depression, and not preteen angst. People with mental disorders and a reason to feel bad. Not some children who are under the impression their life is much worse than it is. They claim they are beaten. But as someone who is getting her bachelor’s degree in Psychology, I can tell you thats not what they would do. They convince their social persona they are beaten. This is a fad that has come from the fact that most baby boomers have had their children, […]

I’m an 11 year old girl..I’m too young to be suffering.. What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep crying myself to sleep and fake smiling my head off with friends and family? I’m a loser. Fat, ugly, worthless, piece of trash. Good for nothing… I may be young..but my soul is old.

does anyone know shelleycakes

Tell me now. How am i an attentionwhore? Do you see me posting pictures of my scarred arm on my social accounts? Have you seen me without my bracelets? Do I tell you about my messed up life? NO. I don’t, okay? I smile SO MUCH, it hurts! You want to know something? It’s not real. I’m known as the cheery, hyper, giggly and happy one of the entire school. I haven’t ticked off ONE SIGN to you that i’m hiding behind my over-joyed face.

“You’re always so happy!” Cassie giggled at me. I just flashed her a toothy grin. Though my brain was telling me […]

Sick of trying
Sick of lying
Sick of working
Sick of attempting to participate in this fucked-up world
Sick of caring
Sick of my autism
Sick of waking up to this fucked-up world
Sick of breathing
Especially sick of living!

I’m not those kind of people who have tiny scratches on their arms and says they cut. I used to be like that… so wimpy to even try. But look at me now! All grown up…and torn. I don’t have those tiny slits on my arm. I have long cuts across my arm, up and down. I have FAT and UGLY carved into my sensitive skin. I cry myself to sleep..lucky nights..I fall asleep fast. Then I have to wake up and face the drama of the world. That’s not all the time I get! I have school time to run into the bathroom and […]

My life has sucked from day one. My childhood watching my mom being beat too near death. My being beat as a child and teen . . My mom so depressed she can do nothing . . ive been raped shot, im tired of this life. I cant cope. the person im dating cant relate to me at all I am so all alone. I will kill myself tonight. I have sliced both of my wrists before. I will make sure I go deep enough tonight.

I hate when I forget my blades wherever I go.

I hate when people judge me.

I hate that I have to lie to everyone and tell everyone of them the same lie, “I’m just tired.”

I hate that I’m ugly.

I hate that this world has lead to nothing but gruesome..shame..

It’s getting hard.. I don’t know if I can do it anymore… I just want to go lay down and sleep forever. I don’t understand and I lost my only reasons to live… I know they are in a caring place with good people but I won’t get to see them.. What’s the point now.. In anything in life..

-Jladd

Ich dich nicht haben kann…even though I want to with all of my heart. You hurt me so badly sometimes. I don’t understand the things you do and why you would do them so carelessly to something that is a piece of you, that shares your flesh and blood. I would die for you, I really would. If it ever came down to you being killed or I, I would gladly and shamelessly step in front of you and guard you with every inch of my being. Your face is so beautiful…it’s perfect, even when you think you look like ‘hell warmed over and dipped […]

…is just so fucked up.  Caused 30 years of pain and it never ends.

Ok, so I honestly don’t know what to do, I’m so  close to breaking. It started two years ago when my dad got cancer for the first time and it’s recently got worse, a couple of months a go I got spiked and raped at a party, then my Gran died the same week. me and my gran were so close, could tell her everything knowing she wont judge me although right now i know she would. I used to self harm but stopped and now thinking about starting again:/ it’s the only release i’ve got, my mum thinks it’s all a big joke, my […]