General

A few days of peace and now back to fighting the same old shit. Suicide would be a relief

Hey..Im not gonna commit suicide but i feel suicidal sometimes and want to torture myself..I just cannot accept the changes that have occur during 2 years of my life..but i dont want to be depressed..isnt there a way out of this? like im gonna b depressed forever now?? 🙁 its been so long now..i dont want to be depressed now but its not under my control. Also i have low self confidence that make me think that im not any good..Im not very social i hardly talk to anyone becuase i dont have anything to say..i feel like a loner now..please tell me a way […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAf99TlYUH8

This song is my new fighting song. Anytime I feel down, I’m listening to it. Give it a listen…it’s really good.

Religion and sex are powerplays
Manipulate the people for the money they pay
Selling skin, selling god
The numbers look the same on their credit cards
Politicians say no to drugs
While we pay for wars in south america
Fighting fire with empty words
While the banks get fat
And the poor stay poor
And the rich get rich
And the cops get paid
To look away
As the one percent rules america

Classic metal, ftw.

Don’t know how to begin really since i am not sad. I am confused. I haven’t been depressed for about two months and it makes me proud. I think i finally made some progress. It was a good day for me, i did something crazy and doing restless things without thinking about them properly makes me feel good. I coloured my hair pink, well parts of it.

They say when you do something new with your hair it means a change in your life. It may be true. Some people are easy to deceive.

What i wanted to say is about my confusion and the current state […]

I have burned down every bridge when I was with him. I have no one else. he has 9 days and it’s killing me. Finally finding someone who makes me feel safe and relaxed for just the little bit of time I get to spend with him. I cry so much thinking things are going to go back to the way it use to be. I had nothing to wake up for. He was the only reason I’m here. He saved my life. He has 9 days left and then he will be gone. He will be in the military. I will be the way […]

ive always thought that people ignored me. and since last year, it was proved. I was having a conversation the other day with one of my friends, and i had asked him if he’d ever noticed my arms, because by now, everyone had. and he said no. I then realized that i really am more invisible than i thought and ive always worry that the wrong person will notice and get me into trouble, but anyway i dont get how no one really noticed my screwed up arms. I mean, its not like theyre fading, they are in plain sight and i dont cover them […]

Depressed…that word doesnt even cut it for the way i felt..the love of my life was gone,,he got taken away from me. Everything seemed like a nightmare that i couldnt wait to wake up from..but reality is, this isnt a nightmare its real….i went to his viewing, and there he was, laying down oh so still in the casket. A blue casket, his fav color. They had pictures of him everywhere from when he was little until now. pictures of me and him as well,people there wouldnt stop looking at me,like if i were about to faint any second.. but i didnt care, i didnt […]

I don’t really know how I ended up here, writing about myself.

I was okay, I really was…. until my friend came to me, telling me that they want to commit suicide. I tried to help them, and I know it wasn’t my fault, but i just feel like i failed them. It doesn’t help when nearly all of my friends are the same. They all want to die. And i just feel like i have no one to talk too because i don’t want to pile on to their problems. I don’t want to give them another reason to leave. I try to see the […]

when i went out to finally see him, i stopped halfway,because..there he was at the gate.i could see him and my stomach wouldnt stop doing backflips! he was just standing there, smiling with his hands in his pocket,he motioned me to get closer and so i did. i was infront of him just a few centimeters away..i smiled and he just gave me the quickest hug EVER haha i guess he was nervous too..we started walking around and we went to sit at some benches behind the apartments, we sat down and he just wouldnt stop staring o.O i was blushing like crazyyy, i mean […]

Earlier today I posted this: If you wonder why

Now, I want to post this. Because, you see, EVERYONE can help someone:

I was here. It was 2 in the afternoon and I was still in bed. I got up to feed my dogs and let them outside.

I got a glass of tea for myself and sat at the kitchen table. I was going to drink it as I waited for the dogs to finish eating. Then I was going back to bed. It would be safe there.

All of a sudden my neighbor was at my front door – screaming and crying. […]

I have a familie,how do i prepare them and help them with the loss when i am gone.

As a baby, I was obsessed with knights and the role they played in protecting people. I guess that’s what made me title this post in that way. Anyways, I don’t really know if this will help anyone. I guess I’m just putting it out there because at least I’ll know I did something. I would talk about me and my problems but trusting people has never been my strong point and to be honest, I think it’s too late for me. The least I can do is give tips and help other people. I am not forcing you to listen to me. That’s the […]

I told you I would cause you stress, I told you I would cause you pain

I even told you the reason why I cry

out in the rain

I told you I loved you

and you knew it was true

why did you take my heart

and rip in in two

Hi i have a question to any one who would like to comment.Is suicide selfish? i will try to explain why i am asking this question. i tried to commit suicide in October last year by taking an overdose of Valium. well i didn’t die, much to my surprise when i woke up alive in the hospital. My husband found me and called an ambulance and well here i am alive. So after i got out of hospital i was in there for a week i went through the whole rehabilitation thing more medication ( i have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder) more therapy and […]

Hi, this is my first time writing on this sight. It’s unfortunate it has to be under these circumstances. I’ve suffered from depression since I was 13. I’m 41 now. I’ve thought about suicide numerous times, but I always knew I wouldn’t do it. I always hoped that the future would be better. Now I’m afraid because I’ve been considering suicide again, but with a calm level head. I have something’s in my life that are too dear to me to hurt with such a selfish act, but the pain I’m feeling inside has gotten to be too much. I think admitting myself is the […]