For general topics related to the site.
If anyone needs ta talk, just blow off some steam, skype me “josh burge”. I know how much it can help to blow off a lil steam.
I was at a bar tonight with some friends. They were there to have fun, i just wanted to drink my sorrows away. All my mistakes, my fuck-ups. Trying to forget about how im failing at this sick game called life. I was thinking how nobody else understands me, how alone I feel. I know some people know what Im going through, but nobody here. I was just crowd watching, watching how happy everyone is. Feeling how sad I am. Then I saw a gorgeous girl walk by. I was just checkin her out, knowing how far out of my league she is. Then i […]
Well, I finally found my first relationship, at the age of 26. It really did help me to find peace. It’s actually been really nice to have the first time in my life, and I mean this entirely literally, that I didn’t think about suicide every single day. It slowly drifted back, a little, but only just barely, and only just a few time every couple of weeks or so. It hasn’t been terrible. I have realized some things, that I had already considered, but I am far too old a soul for all these senseless children. My boyfriend, and just for the sake of […]
I wish I could do it as easily as she did.
When will i feel accepted, or truly beautiful .. When will these scars leave my body forever. Why does this “god†hate me so much.
I can honestly say i have no idea what direction my life is going, i see no future not even what may happen tomorrow,
i see no birthdays,
i see not a glimpse of true love
or that special day in that one white dress,
i see no hospital where i bring home my legacy.
I see nothing but a cloudy mist .
I can’t see .
Not everyday do the thoughts pass where i want to end it all .
But more than not do they come. I think everyone would go on with their lives if i were to just do it. Drink some concoction that never brings me back or just jump from my window, sure to snap my neck on the pavement. Ha ! So many ways to die and i am such a coward to not just do it.
‘I’m here for you’ never answers the phone.
‘I just want to see you happy’ never holds me when I cry.
‘We’ll be together forever’ is never there anymore.
I want to run away from everything I’ve made for myself.. which isn’t much, not much at all.
I’d like to lead a simpler life to see if that will make me happy.
I need so many things, maybe having so little will make me realize how precious life is.
im a 48 yr old man thats decided that ive had enough of this life, ive decided that april 30 is gonna be the day, what better day than the same date that i came into this world
There are so many things I regret, so many things I wish I could change, and so many things I wish never happened. I’ve made so many mistakes. I’ve hurt people. I don’t want to hurt anyone. There’s nothing that causes me more pain than the guilt of having hurt someone. I try to change, and prevent these things from happening, but I keep fucking up. I tell myself “never again”, but “again” keeps coming. I feel like a terrible person. I feel like I can’t control my own actions, but I know I can. I know that it’s all my fault. I try to […]
Somedays I believe I won’t be okay. I know I’m suppose to try to get better but it’s so hard trying to push myself through each day. I think the only thing that has me going is wondering what the future will hold . I wonder where my sister will be 20 years from now or where my brother will be and what he will be doing. I wonder if ill ever later on ill find out what my purpose in life is because right now I’m doing the same things as many others.
Hi, I am new here, and recently I’ve been thinking more and more about suicide.
When I was 7, my mother and 4 year old sister were murdered while I was at school, and my dad was out of state looking for work. In result of that tragedy, I developed bulimia, PTSD, and Bipolar Disorder.  When I began sixth grade, I began doing drugs. I popped pills, ran away, stole, lied. I got pregnant twice my freshman year by the same guy but miscarried both times. I started smoking when I was 14. I was turning horrible. I wasn’t even thinking about my actions ;  I knew […]
Im like really new to all this.
Its been hard for me to even think about doing this.
Idk who to reach to.
Or how.
All this weird thoughts and this feelings building up inside me are annoying the F out of me.
I hope this would help me at least to let everything out.
Flowing Thought 2? 4/11/13
(excuse the appearance of this one, written while high)
What do you do with a little girl who’s told herself shes nothing?
That girl is me. Grown up with no motive to live, escaping through pain, hiding in the shadows, I am nobody I proclaim, and that is true.
Holding the fire up to my newest “escape plan†and breathing in. Letting the smoke out and feeling free.
Once it hits, there’s no going back.
I feel serene, as calm as a small wave hitting against a sandy shore.
The clock slows and opens the window for me as I fly right […]
I admire those that have committed suicide. I’m drinking and this drink is for you. To the great beyond!
I remembered what you’ve done to me. It all came rushing in last night around 10. I then realized that a part of my mind is insane, and that the relationships I have with people now are fascinating, yet so out of control and volatile. I am honest, I am loving, I am myself, but then there’s that other part. The part that takes things too quickly, dreams about that significant other every time I close my eyes, starts thinking of married life, and wont let the ‘other’ go out of my sight or grasp. I get all kinds of crazy when I have a […]
Sometimes I just feel like such an insignificant speck in this world. I just really want out, even if death isn’t the answer. Growing up in such a small judgmental town really makes me want to find somewhere to get lost in. I just always feel so unloved and unimportant. Most people think that suicide is about being selfish and thinking that everyone hates you. This just isn’t true, or for me at least. The reason why I want to die, is because I feel like my existence is a waste of other people’s time, attention, and even oxygen. I never have actual conversations with people on a day to day basis, and many […]
there are two shots.
just two.
then you hear screaming.
you hear cars screeching as they swerve. the driver’s alarmed and confused. BANG BANG!
just two shots.
all I can see is this weird picture.
i see a bridge first. always the bridge.
then I see cars in front of the bridge.
the sky is from pitchblack to daybreak.
I always see the brigde.
then I hear them.
The two shots.
always.
screaming.
sounds like about 20+ people.
but then this picture…
the bridge and the cars, police cars.
the cars are all empty.
then I see a hand.
a hand holding a gun.
and […]
As an atheist I realize how futile life and everything in the universe is. Â I realize that even in death there’s no peace. Â The totalitarian controllers of this world won’t let us leave peacefully. Â They want us to stay alive and suffer until the bitter end. Â Once labeled “mentally ill” they won’t even let you buy a gun to end things painlessly. Â I will continue my search for barbiturates though to attain a peaceful death. Â I actually have a lead to get some phenobarbital on the silk road. Â We’ll see how this works out. Â Hope you guys are doing better than I am..
Why did he have to hurt me so much? Why did he get his friends to follow me and make fun of me? Why was I just a joke to him? What did I do that deserved all this?
My only crime was that I loved him.
Now all I am left with is pain.