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proud to say I have been doing so much better, I don’t cut as much and my cuts are actually starting to heal.
It feels pretty good 🙂
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General
The prayers I used to say like now I lay me down to sleep if I should die before I wake.. Take on new meaning though I am not religious. And all the pain still there and the advice that you’ll just run in circles for years in therapy.
That feeling when you’re a little kid and you get lost in the grocery store, it’s scary.. but now I want it for good.
It’s now only a matter of time, I’ve been contemplating the end for many years and at my 27th will be the time to go, it’s never been clearer. Working out sufficient ways is a daily schedule, every bridge I cross is considered, every pill I swallow is worked out to which quantity will be lethal, what side effects may be incurred along the way. I am at least content in the knowledge that I want to sleep my way out.
I don’t need to write the way I feel, thousands of times makes no difference, and I don’t need to go over them any longer. I simply […]
Somebody wrote to me “your great” today. I literally cried.
I want to die soon. I was born with Cerebral Palsy and suffered all the usual torment from other kids when I was growing up. I struggled to get a job but never gave up. I managed to live a fairly “normal” life. Girls were happy to ride in my boat or on my bike or get a lift in my car – but date? Never! I finally found a desperate woman and married, had two kids who she abused (along with abusing me) and eventually I left her. I had a good job, had respect, self-esteem and was happy to start again. Now at […]
I’m tired. My body detests me. I’ve put it through hell. The scars can attest to that. I can’t fall asleep without a drink in me. I close my eyes at two in the morning and wake up to non existing screaming a couple hours later. The men in my life have all disappointed me. I’ve been bought off with money and sex. And yet, whose to say that it’s not my fault as well? I can’t find worth in myself. I don’t know if I’m pretty or pretty stupid. I don’t know. At the time I sure as hell didn’t care. I just want to have that […]
I dont see why people lie to me saying they care when I know they dont………
Family..”friends”…”lovers” (yes with an S)
If youre reading this, youre probably surprised.
You failed to pay attention to the hurt behind my eyes
To the lies. It mustve been a million times ive said that i was fine.
Dont cry, you wont miss me.
Thoughts with my face will fade like the mist as you live blissfully.
You’ll cry in their faces but rejoice behind backs
You’ll make jokes like “too bad, she hada nice rack”
You’ll pretend with your friends you remebered my figure before i disfigured it. Maybe get hit by a car..if it’s bigger it’s better then. Or find my corpse in the […]
I can’t provide for my family. no matter what job I have I seem to lose it. my wife is falling out of love with me and I don’t know how to repair my marriage. It’d be my second divorce. I have no friends really, possibly because I’m an asshole/unlikeable. i don’t know how to keep going anymore.
so much stress and so alone. all i want to do is just never talk and never sleep and never eat and never drink i never want to do anything i never want to do what i need to i do what i want to and what i want to is what im bout to do. i dont know how to handle all this..so il let death take care of this. </3 my relationship with the world has expired…
I recently have been looking at gore just to see what my corpse will look like if I decide to blow my brains out. Â It’s not exactly pretty and it makes it that much more real. Â The reality of suicide is pretty intense and final. Â What are your thoughts about gore and the finality of death?
Every night the thoughts grow louder. Die, kill yourself, you shouldnt be alive. I know I won’t kill myself, I can’t kill myself. But now I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. All I want is to die. How much longer I can hold on for.
early in the morning
as the sun rises
you’re wide awake
no surprises
honestly, she never sleeps
she’s up til dawn
fussing about her weight
she’s pinching her tummy
she’s making herself sick
it’s honestly cruel
what children permit
-e.m.
right now the urge to ace myself is strong. i don’t really know why. these urges come and go. for the most part i just ride them out. not now i say. time isn’t right. like there is a “right” time to die. there are things that need to be taken care of. loose ends tied up. careful consideration is called for. i have selected a few days next month. chances are those days will mean nothing. i am stubborn till the end. MY time schedule. not depression’s. so i am supposed to try being sober for x amount of days. to try to get […]
It can always be worse, I mean I could not have legs or something. But the idea of outward problems that can easily be identified seems so much Better than what I suffer with. It’s those little inward things, that eat you out slowly, dying on the inside, dominated by things that shouldn’t own me. I’ve attempted suicide, I’ve drank too much took too many pills. I’ve hurt myself just to feel something, and speaking from experience it doesn’t work. Whatever’s on the other side has to be better than what’s going on for me over here. I can honestly say that I don’t have […]
If I kill myself I want to be feeling better, I want it to be a pretty day, I want to be in the woods, up in the mountains, I want it to be like that, and I want to be feeling something, like I don’t want to kill myself when I am feeling completely nothing and flat.
crying feels good, its the terrible nothingness that scares the shit out of me
i want to die in a place that is special and think/feel the things that were special to me
and then i think i could die
(the other night i was suddenly not afraid to die and I felt immediately better, […]
You think its you, you’re only harming,
Because its nice, soothing and calming.
When really each time you shed a tear,
Someone’s biting their nails in fear.
Fear of if you’re going to make it through the night,
Or fear that you’ve given up the will to fight.
And its not because you think you’re weak,
It’s because you’ve lost your words to speak.
Help is out of the question if you can’t find the right things to say,
But you’ll remain acting happy and living life day by day.
I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Nobody wants me around anymore, or maybe they never wanted me around in the first place…
I fuck everything up.
Life is so painful.
Everyday is just so stressful and it’s just not worth it anymore.
I want to die so bad, but I fear that I will be missing out on something good that might happen later in life.
No one loves me.
They all just pretend to care and I’m really sick of it.
I wanted to grow up and help others with mental illnesses and those who are suicidal get […]
He broke up with me a month ago, and I was barely getting over it.
I’m just appalled. How could he have regained his feelings for me in under a month?
He wants me back. But I’m scared. I’m afraid of all the possibilities, both good and bad.
He treated me terribly after the first couple months.
And I don’t really want to go back to experiencing that sensation.
I never liked that feeling. And he reminded me about how it felt. To feel like I wasn’t good enough. Like I don’t make a difference whether I’m in someone’s life or not.
I haven’t become like this just […]