General

The Grey

“Once more into the frey… Into the last good fight I’ll ever know. Live and die on this day… Live and die on this day…” – Joe Carnahan

I fell like this is my last fight… All the shit thats goin on in my life. Failing college, feeling the disappointment of my family. I’ll always be a failure. And I’ll die at the end of this fight. Whether the fight being the end of my college career at my own hand, or when I’m old and pathetic and withering away. I pray its not when I’m old…

Numb and empty with no hope of a change of status quo. Knowing fully well that you may make it if you try but being so fucking lazy to get off the freaking bed. Yea thats me. Saint lesswill. Incapacitated by a love long gone

7 months ago, I began to feel symptoms of major depressive disorder. All of the symptoms, actually. I am only 20 years old, I have had some bad trauma throughout my life growing up (my father went missing 9 years ago, I had a near death experience drowning about 8 years ago) but for the most part, I have been an extremely happy person. I was patient, stoic, and tolerant of many things that people were more easily bothered by. I had (and still do, sometimes) many passions for music, literature, my friends and relationships and other things as well. Then in September […]

“Stay with me
Safe and ignorant”

-Pet, a Perfect Circle

Well, it’s official. I grew a comfort zone. Is that even possible? Apparently, because not only do I have the comfort zone bound to my guy, but now I grew one to my teddy bear. the worse part is, it seems like the comfort zone with my guy in it is depleting. God I wish it wouldn’t yet I want it to so badly.

My new comfort zone, the one with the teddy bear. It feels like I can just hold onto him and just ignore the rest of the world easily. I’m numb when I hold onto […]

My stupid boyfriend says I’m ugly, no!  I have beiutiful eye and lip.  serieous.  well sometime ppl think i look like fish, but i think i’m cute.

And now let’s add another person to the list.

Another addition to my long list.

My list of all the people who have left.

The series of people who told me it’s best if they never knew me.

This.

This is why I should stop.

One of the reasons why I need to diminish my habit of pulling people close and trusting them.

Because if it’s one thing I’ve learned throughout my life, is that no one really is permanently there for me.

They’ll be here for a while, but there is going to be a time when we depart.

And if I acknowledged that fact..

If I remembered that statement every time I made […]

Past few days all ive done is fuck up

fuck up the only good thing in my life

fuck up so much it makes me feel like ive lost a game

i hate it so much when i do and i regret saying the things i said

“Two things you can’t take back: Bullets out of your gun and words out of your mouth”

I feel like ive lost it all sometimes

Then I lost it all
Dead and broken.
My back’s against the wall.
Cut me open.
I’m just trying to breathe,
Just trying to figure it out
Because I built these walls to watch them […]

young looking for ppl to speak with.   Mongolian, i hate mogolia, i’m asian

I really think I need help, and I really think that if I say nothing, I will do something I might not even give myself enough time to regret. Problem is no one will listen, I don’t have any friends, the only oneI had when I was little died on brain damage and when I met someone else, turns out she was behind me with my boyfriend. No one else will talk to me, at school they all think I’m annoying, as they said so many times, and no one wants to hang out with the weird Hispanic girl because I’m different, and because I […]

I hate myself. Its hard not to hate yourself when everyone else hates you. Hell, Im so ugly and unlikeable that people wont even SIT beside me! Desk change today. My desk was moved so I was beside this one boy Reid, and on the other side of him was Farhan. Before class even started, Reid requested to be moved halfway across the room. But of course, my desk was moved again to be beside Farhan’s desk. What does he do? He moves his chair to be as far from me as possible. Then, he moves his things to the next desk. While I walked […]

My life is good. I really do feel like this is true. But I still constantly think about killing myself. I always have. Since I was nine years old. I’m now 34. I have tried 3 times, not counting the two times with a loaded gun to my head. obviously my heads not working correctly when I’ve tried otherwise I would be dead cause suicide isn’t that hard. But also if my head was on straight I wouldnt want to. It is amazing how I survived not once or twice, but three times a stomach full of leathal pills. I’m taking it as a sign […]

I am only seventeen years old, and already life has lost meaning. It sounds ridiculous, I know. In my more stable state of mind I laugh at how ridiculous I am, how foolish I must be to think that life has no promise for a bright, creative teenager on the cusp of independence. However I might feel on my good days, I know that on days like today the reality of the crushing, empty pointlessness of the world is too much to bear.

There is a pain inside of me. It is like a hollow, black emptiness, a void of emotion where Despair and Hopelessness are […]

I think this is it. I’ve become a junky in my depressed state as I constantly find ways to escape my thoughts. I’ve no money left now so this is finally it. 2 weeks maximum. You guys all know things don’t get better and I’m here as the proof that it doesn’t, at least not in my case. My psychologist is the only one who knows how bad I am and how long its been its time I stop wasting money on her and let her see someone whom’s light has not completely gone out. Thanks for always being here my sp friends x