General

I have been having suicidal thoughts for so long.

I thought I could maybe talk to someone who is also having ones. I thought maybe we could share story and make each other feels better. And lately, I found two persons in my school with the same problem.

The first one (M) is such a cute girl, with big beautiful eyes and active social life. She has this large group of friends, telling her how great she is, giving her advices, assuring her that she is strong, telling her she is missed when she is not around. She is a cheerleader with a lot of boys chasing […]

we could run away forever
we could be alone together.
or we could wait forever
we could bear to not see eachother.
but whether, were together
or whether, were apart.
we’ll have a home forever.
in eachother’s hearts

and It’ll be hard to run away,
It’ll be hard to lose everything.
it’ll be hard to forget it all,
it’ll be hard.
and it’ll be good,
when we embrace
it’ll be good,
to see your face,
it’ll be good,
to know one home,
it’ll be good ya’ know.
It’ll be swell,
I swear,
It’s better than hell,
or here.
It’ll be swell,
i’m sure.
It’s gonna be […]

“Hello.”
“Hi” where are you when I need you?

“How are you?”
“Good.” horrible. help me.

“I haven’t seen you in forever, it seems!”
“Yeah.” i know. i’ve been so lonely.

“Hey-are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” no, i’m suicidal.

“If there’s anything wrong, you can tell me, okay?”
“I know. But there isn’t.” we have so much to talk about.

Okay. Wait-what happened to your wrist?”
“Nothing. I don’t even know what it is.” yes, you do. you still have the razor.

“Are you SURE you don’t want to talk to me?”
“Yes. Now, go away.” stay if you want to know.

“Oh… um, bye.”
“Bye.” she doesn’t care about you. […]

“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” Joseph Campbell

it’s nice being in this community with people that seem to have the same feelings me,

i was starting thinking that i am the only one that may be feeling that way,

but i see that there are some other people feeling the same way i do,

i ve been thinking of suicide often too,

but i don’t want to know that there a re people out there who are about to do it,

i don’t know why but it hurts me.

i’ve been thinking of it for me, but i can’t even stand the idea that […]

At the moment, I’m thinking about the best way to die in order to affect my family in the least way possible. I just don’t want to hurt them. Maybe I should make it look like an accident? My physical and mental state have accepted the fact that I’m finally ready to go and now it’s just calm. 5 days to change my mind. This is it. I need to make a plan and pray for my wellbeing and for others too.

Drinking alcohol excessively does the trick

Intravenous ketamine kills me for a bit

Snorting alot of mephedrone keeps me up for 2-3 days

I don’t need sleeping pills or coffee,I got my own ways

My heroin rescued me from crying again

Her brown eyes starring into mine solves the problem

One two,one two,I hate saying three

I’m scared not to fall off of this tree

Cause I’m on LSD!

Toxic love is what I’m left with today

Quittin’ all of that shit and being happy again?

NO FUCKING WAY!

I dreamt that somehow I’ve managed to clone myself and stab the clone,before stabbing “myself” I wrote a note telling my loved ones to incinerate my body and throw the ashes away. Then suddenly I became invisible cause I wanted to know how the people I knew will react. After a few moments,I woke up with the syringe in my vein and my left hand was full of blood…

im 15, and people have started talking about my future. asking me what i wanna become when i grow up.
and im not even going to be alive by the end of this year. but i cant tell them that, and they grill me with questions.
dont tell me im too young. maybe im young, but im dead tired.

I’m a first year college student studying illustration in MA. As an artist I hate my art and as a person I hate myself. I lie to myself everyday telling myself that I have any hope when in reality I have none. my art wont improve and neither will my future. Im just dragging myself down and everyone around me. Ive cut in the past and it almost sent me to the hospital. My mom found my razors a lot of times but she doesnt even care enough to stop me anymore. She doesnt even care about me. Nobody around me does. I can tell […]

I feel so sad..all the time. I have a few friends but they go to a different school than me..but still I don’t feel like I can completely relate to anyone. I have no church…I was raised mormon and it really screwed me up in so many ways. I have trouble trusting anyone or anything. i have trouble making friends. People always approach me to talk..I guess I look normal enough but after a while, everyone goes away. They don’t want to talk to me because i’m so awkward and nervous all the time. I fight panic attacks, and i feel like i’m going to […]

Right now I am trying to write an essay for University.

Every now and then I’ll be really productive and write heaps, then out of no where I will just start crying my eyes out and I can’t stop.

All I can think about right now is self harming. Concentrating on this fucking essay is so hard when all I want to do is hurt myself.

If the essay wasn’t due in tomorrow I wouldn’t worry about it, I’d  go watch a movie and come back later but there is no way I could finish it that way. . . .

Fuck this.

Really depressed today.

I want to cut, I want to die. But maybe I just need a really good hug, and someone to talk to. . .

I can’t tell the difference any more. I don’t understand and can’t identify my feelings. Do I even feel anything any more?

I want to be normal.

reading down on this you may think im lying but im nt

im a liar meaning i create a fake world and try to block out reality

i cut to bring me back to reality …. thats my worm hole between my worlds

i want to die because i only cause destruction when my worlds collides

Well , here I am , forced to live day after day in this shitty life. Now I´m ashamed , now that some of them know. No one never knew , and I wish I just stayed alone forever. I really like lonliness more than it looks , because is human company that´s making me so miserable. And why to have a tiny moment of insane hapiness , and then having the old blue days again? I just can´ t stand it. Im back from the hospital. They´re cheking my wrists everyday now , but do they really care? It ´s just another lie , […]