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I just had a complete meltdown. I had been thinking about suicide for the longest time. I felt like a failure, like my life wasn’t worth it. So I took some codeine pills. It made me feel like I was dead for a while. And then I just threw it all up. I fail at everything. I can’t even kill myself. Life just isn’t worth living for me. I feel so alone.
I can’t handle this anymore , why god? Why let me suffer like this? Why bring me into a world where I’ll suffer? Nothing ever good happens?
Just kill me take me back to u
It looks like I survived the most powerful suicidal thoughts attack in my life that I had for the last week and a half. I’m not sure if that’s good. I’m just too weak, to do it I had to delete all the pictures of the girl I love from my computer, delete all traces of her so nobody would bother her after I’m gone. I couldn’t do it, I just can’t. I can’t let her go.
I’m back to escaping from everything into my head, fantasy worlds. I don’t really want it anymore because the thought that one day I will wake up and instead […]
More often than not, I think about what really drives me to wake up every morning. Is it the fact that my mom, a beautiful image of a once glamorous singer, wakes me up to kiss me and bring me breakfast in bed every morning? Is it my adorable boyfriend who still spits the image of an angelic baby, yet strikes me as a mature young man? Is it the compliments I get from my teachers each time a class would end? I really don’t know. All I know is that I haven’t really been happy. For the past year, I’ve woken up to the […]
Well, about to take a shower and try not to stick my finger inside my throat. It’s been hard trying to stop since i gotten use to it. But today im going to try to have a good day without no pain and worries. I hope all you guys have a great HaLLowen:) and stay safe
i don’t always remember the days very well so when my psych doc asks  how i’ve been for the last week i don’t always know what to say.  i’ve realized that i can tell how the last week went by how furry my teeth are.  anybody else have any things like that?
I don’t have a tragic life story. I don’t have an awful past. If anything I’ve been spoilt and I’m lucky.
But that still doesn’t stop me from feeling so worthless, useless, pathetic. I’ve got everything I could ever want, and it’s still not enough. I still cry myself to sleep, I still self-harm on occasion. I still look in the mirror every morning and feel physically sick at what I see. I still think about how it would be to just end it all. To just leave everything behind.
For six years I was bullied, day in day out. I was called fat, ugly, pathetic, worthless, […]
where to start?
i’ve wanted to die for as long as i can remember. since at least the age of 10. there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by when i’ve been free of that desire. not one day when, if someone offered to help me end it, i would have refused them.
i’m 40 now. massive depression, anxiety, that kind of stuff. haven’t been able to work in over 10 years, had to move back home. haven’t been able to leave the house on my own in a few years either, and even with support it’s getting harder to go outside.
one sample story…
i’ve had one big […]
My housemate of 2 years and friend of 10 shot and killed himself in May of this year (2012). Â I was downstairs and had texted him to ask if he wanted some scrambled eggs I was making. Â I heard him walking around, but he never answered my text. Â Later, afterward, I looked at his phone and I saw my text message had been read. Â He knew I was up, he knew I was home. Â Twelve minutes after I sent the text I heard a sound like a box had been dropped on the floor. Â For some reason I noted the time. Â This sound was loud […]
Here’s a song i found on youtube, this girl is an amazing singer and this song is pretty touching. Anyway, take a listen 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiLZAzXA4W0&feature=player_detailpage
I’m not in a good mood today. It was a P.E day. We had to dance with boy partners and most of all of them i had was wanting to switch partners, meaning, i’m an unenthusiastic, worthless creep. I was depressed all day over one little thing. i’m so ridiculous. I wanted to cut myself all day, it was so painful to be me. These things, negative comments, just triggered me to want to kill myself. Anyway, i have a plan to. I don’t mean to give people ideas, but i just wanna know if it’ll work. One idea was to take an overdose of […]
stuck in a hole in south east asia, wanted by the authorities, hiding like a scared dog. truth be known, I’ve been hiding my entire life. severe depression since childhood, won’t get into the abuse i suffered but its has haunted me thru  my adult life. I crapped in my mess kit and now i have no way out other than death and frankly i don’t care any longer. Im only writing because its lonely as all hell here. I suppose dying is to be a private matter, but every step is agony and isolation. I believe the plastic bag and morphine is the way […]
just wanted to wish everyone one crazy hallows eve. </3
xoxoxoxooxoxoxox
They say it gets better, and that it won’t last forever. But  I wonder when it will start for me?
It started 3 years ago. I had heard my parents fighting, and then my dad put a gun to his head and he said no one would care if he pulled the trigger. But his 12 year old daughter was watching from the doorway, and to her it mattered very much. I never told him I saw that, so he can’t understand how much that messed me up. That year was already bad. I was bullied for my weight and I’ve never really gotten over that. […]
That’s my biggest problem. I’ve made up my mind a long time ago that this is what i wanted but i still have no idea how i could end my life without too much physical pain. Physical pain is what keeps me away from suicide but i can only hope that it’s a matter of time before i find the miracle suicide method. My biggest fear is living for many more years in shame and regret because of my fear for physical pain. But sometimes i tell myself that the pain i feel inside is probably greater than any pain any suicide method would involve.There’s […]
Never know what to say when starting a new topic, so I suppose I typing this just to clear my own head.
All I seem to do is yoyo back an forth, one miniute I wanna save the world. Truly believe I can do it. Failing isn’t an option, by failing it would mean iv lied to myself for so long, about everything I believe. Peole tend to think that a small group of people can’t change the world, when it fact there the only people that ever have. And I believe that with every cell in my body.
Then in the next cold shallow […]
Is anyone going to listen? Is anyone willing to? Because I am so sick of all of this…I hate it all…I am so mad…I don’t want to be alone…not right now.
i’ve been cutting again, my mum found out and guess what she said! i have no reason to do it im just calling out for attention… that’s what she said to me. how the hell do i not have a reason to do it! i’m dieing litterally heres y i do it…
im in pain
i have cancer!
no one cares about me
my lifes stuffed up
i get bullied
and im worthless
maybe i should end it right now, maybe i should stop fighting for my life. why should i have to suffer while no one cares about me.. am i left here to rott in this stupid hospital with a […]
Does anyone know if Duke is ok? Ever since I started posting here three months ago, he never missed a day from being present. Now it’s been almost three since I last heard from him. His last post talked about … “would you like to know if someone from SP has decided to end it?” I never knew how these kind of disappearances could affect me, since this is the first time I’m worried about someone here having left. Jjgirl also posted this would be her last day. Can’t stop thinking about these “strangers” that now certainly do feel more like friends. I hope I […]