General

Pretending has become a daily routine. Pretending to be happy, to be normal, to be me. When inside I’m breaking, shattering, cracking. Nobody knows me as the sad one. Everyone knows me as the one who makes everyone happy. If I’m not wearing a smile on my face people ask me what’s wrong. Maybe I just don’t want to wear that stupid fake smile anymore. Maybe I’m tired of making everyone else happy when I don’t have happiness. Maybe I’m so sick and tired of having to hold everyone else above water when I’m the one drowning. It’s so super hard being this person. The […]

Life feels pointless. There are no words. I could die now and not feel a thing.

I guess I am just unnoticed where ever I go, I might as well get used to it.

It’s sad really that I’m young, and so ready to die. I don’t think that I desvere to post on here really, I’ve never tried to kill myself. Too pathetic. I think about dying, quite a lot really oh and food. calories.calories.calories.calories. I was diagnosed with ‘anorexia’ 6 months ago. I don’t look anorexic, not like a ‘proper anorexic’. I go to therapy once a week, nod my head and pretend I’m fine. But I’m falling apart. I’m sure none of you will even carry on reading this, thanks if you are. I am worthless, stupid, ugly and not to mention FAT. FAT FAT FAT […]

I don’t get it….does anyone listen? Even for a second of what I am saying? I don’t know, wait yeah I do and now that I think of it no one understand what I am trying to say…Okay let me spell this out, I am hurt! I-A-M-H-U-R-T. My heart has been shattered and I want it fixed back. There, I got it out…I said it.

I need that friend….One that is willing to listen no matter how bad the problem may be, that won’t leave me alone for a week to worry about and will talk to me when I still need them, I need someone that is willing to trust me and won’t feel they are getting to close to me, I need that friend that will sit there and listen and won’t try to give me advice. I need someone who is real and won’t lie to me no matter how badly it may hurt me…I just need a friend…that will notice me, and care about me, and […]

WHY WHY WHY

why try to help everyone? It takes my mind off things i feel better to a extent,

though i noticed when im the one feeling alone the most…..out of all my ‘friends’

there is not a single one who is willing or i feel can help me ..

NOT ONE!

I just want one of them to ask me if im okay instead of being selfish,

i ask them if they r okay ..they tell me there problems i try my utmost best to help..but all is in vain because

i cannot solve the world, i cant perform miracles if i could i would…but i can’t

…………..

my family recently found […]

im sorry for what i put you guys through
im sorry for the things i say
im sorry im the reason you guys hate coming home
im sorry i call you guys names, i wish every time i could take it back because you dont deserve that
im sorry i cant control my anger

i want you guys to be happy.
i realize now the way that could happen is if im gone.

mom. I know you think i dont appreciate you. I do. i feel like a failure
i should have showed you more respect.you didnt deserve the things i said to you
i was a […]

Bye guys. Thanks for everything. Especially AtTheEnd and AbstractThought.

I don’t really have the energy to tell you why I’m leaving. Most of my philosophical reasons are in my previous posts, especially the one titled “Thanks and Goodbye.” I’m tired of the pain that won’t go away. I’m tired of this monotonous life that will only get more pointless and boring. I’m tired of seeing everyone suffer for nothing.

I waited. I tried. And life did not improve. The memories will not fade. And the pain is always with me. Nothing matters. Everything is so pointless.

I’m sorry guys. I just wanted to thank all of you for […]