General

When I was little I thought my life would be something more than this.I know for a fact if my child self could of viewd how I am now it would be dissapointed and it wouldn’t look forward to anything in the future.When I was little you could say I had it all my parents had me at 18.I loved my child hood despite my parents my mom and dad would always fight and my dad would beat my mom and I could do nothing about it cause I was so little.I got older and I grew to hate my dad.He started to hit me.He […]

It’s your turn to end the pain. I’m in your hand. She said that you can’t feel passion. Prove her wrong. Feel the passion of death. Free yourself. Body, mind, and soul. You gave them to her and and now she’s given them back. It’s the cowards way out, but that’s all you are. You didn’t fight for her then. Why change who you are now? Feel me open you, letting the pain and feelings flow out. She doesn’t care anymore. Her healing is hers to do. And when she heals, she’ll go on with her life. Alive or dead, you’ll still be just a […]

as much as i love the people in my life, as much as i try to love so many things about my life, as many times as i try to justify living and try to comfort myself…

i don’t see the point
i honestly just don’t see the point, and nothing feels good anymore.
i just want it to be over with.
i don’t see why i should ever leave my room again.

I’ve been trying to stay positive for a month now. I’ve been trying not to think about negative thoughts, but it’s coming back. All of it. I’m having a panic attack for something so stupid. To make a long story short, I got a job today at The Gap, I start Thursday and I’m worrying about it because of something so dumb. Okay, as we all know I’m shy, and   pretty much an introvert. I’m going to be a sales associate, they also want me to harass and sell customers credit cards and I am not comfortable doing that at all. I’m freaking out, for something […]

Im 14 years old now and i’m very self consious about myself. I really hate myself. I’m ugly and useless. I have some suicidal thoughts but i’m stuck on what to do. I don’t seem suicidal but i’m very quiet. I don’t know if i want to kill myself or not. I don’t have a bad life or anything it’s just me, you know? I’ve thought about a plan on killing myself, saving up money and buying things for my family and my only friend, and then either starving myself or hanging myself. I don’t know if it’s the answer, i’m scared about it but […]

The Lady Chained To The Bottom Of Sea

Her hums can be heard from the depths of the sea
Petrifying any who listen to thee
The quiet tune, the soft melody
Floating up to be set free

Along comes a ship with a man at work
Hearing something beautiful, up his ears perk
His eyes roll back as his body jerks
Then falls in the sea with a bewildered smirk

Down, he falls into her dark abyss
He opens his eyes as she gives him a kiss
“Unchain me!”, she looked at him as she hissed
Hesitant, he stared as she offered this:

“You help me, and off you […]

My life isn’t even worth the paper my birth certificate is printed on…

Does anyone else get this way? That when you’re feeling a little better you feel more likely to attempt suicide than when you’re feeling crappy? Maybe it’s because when I’m feeling good I have more energy, so I feel like I will have the strength and willpower to carry out my suicide. Or maybe it’s because I want to end it all on a good note, rather than spend my last moments in a miserable fog.

I came here because i was having trouble in my life. I wanted something to cheer up and I found it but only for a little while. I first wanted to post blog but decided after that I was not going to post it yet. So I had gone to chat and I talked for a little while.

It was nice sometimes. I found enjoyable topics. Sometimes it moved fast or people said confusing thing. However I was banned and very confused. I never got to tell my story.

My mom sometimes says I am a man of many ways. I find the way always. always. Now […]

hey mom, hey dad

dont look so sad

its not too bad

in fact its more than ive ever had

hey bullet meet gun

im not their son

i just cant run

but its still more than ive ever done

hey bullet meet brain

i went insane

i can’t feel the pain

and love was still my final bane

hey blood meet floor

mom shut the door

i am no more

im free to soar

I need someone to talk to.. Help me. Please.

FML
I hate my life
I am free
But not free
But free fromAFAR
One day I will be
Free
But I’ll cut too deep
I’ll be dead

Please.. I beg you to stop blaming me for this.. You don’t realize it hurts so bad when you do.. What makes you think I would want myself to suffer like this? I’m starting to dislike you.. And I was just starting to like you again. Soon enough I’ll be gone.. Away from you. Far enough to not be remembered. But I won’t be sad about it, and neither should any of you. I’m already invisible to many. Today’s my birthday. 17.. I made it. Yes. My grandmas remembered.. Both of them and my mother.. No phone calls. Nothing. Maybe my thoughts will get the […]

Ive had a horrible life ffrom the get go. I was bullied and made fun of all thru grade school for my family being poor. Ive been raped. Beaten. I was never taught to deal with emotion just to shut it out and let it bottle up until i explode from it.  Im insecure and have no sense of self worth. I huffed gasoline for ten years to try and shut out the pains of my lif and it messed my brain up the doctors sad it looked fine on any test they did but i know something s wrong and noone will listen.  I […]

January needs to come

Theirs times I just want to sit down and cry
Theirs time I just want to lay down and die
These memories and pains are scard inside
My feelings are Somthing I just cannot deny

I feel alone, I’m stuck in my past
Ohh how I wish these feelings won’t last
I have no family, I have no one
I have nothing, all I need is a gun…

I want to die
Ohh well I might take my own life
I don’t understand why people lie

Ohh lord just kill me now
Give me a Gun, so it can say POW POW!
If I’m finally gone
Heaven will […]

And no idea how to change it. Is it wrong that I come here to feel normal? To feel like I actually belong? No one wants to know me in real life, unless they need me to do something, or want sex! Apparently it’s one of the few things I do well 🙁 in the last 2 weeks I’ve slept with 2 different guys, one of whom has a girlfriend of 2 years, I’ve fancied him for ages and really thought that would be the turning point, he’d actually see me and be with me. But of course not, I’m not good enough for that! […]