General

I need that friend….One that is willing to listen no matter how bad the problem may be, that won’t leave me alone for a week to worry about and will talk to me when I still need them, I need someone that is willing to trust me and won’t feel they are getting to close to me, I need that friend that will sit there and listen and won’t try to give me advice. I need someone who is real and won’t lie to me no matter how badly it may hurt me…I just need a friend…that will notice me, and care about me, and […]

WHY WHY WHY

why try to help everyone? It takes my mind off things i feel better to a extent,

though i noticed when im the one feeling alone the most…..out of all my ‘friends’

there is not a single one who is willing or i feel can help me ..

NOT ONE!

I just want one of them to ask me if im okay instead of being selfish,

i ask them if they r okay ..they tell me there problems i try my utmost best to help..but all is in vain because

i cannot solve the world, i cant perform miracles if i could i would…but i can’t

…………..

my family recently found […]

im sorry for what i put you guys through
im sorry for the things i say
im sorry im the reason you guys hate coming home
im sorry i call you guys names, i wish every time i could take it back because you dont deserve that
im sorry i cant control my anger

i want you guys to be happy.
i realize now the way that could happen is if im gone.

mom. I know you think i dont appreciate you. I do. i feel like a failure
i should have showed you more respect.you didnt deserve the things i said to you
i was a […]

Bye guys. Thanks for everything. Especially AtTheEnd and AbstractThought.

I don’t really have the energy to tell you why I’m leaving. Most of my philosophical reasons are in my previous posts, especially the one titled “Thanks and Goodbye.” I’m tired of the pain that won’t go away. I’m tired of this monotonous life that will only get more pointless and boring. I’m tired of seeing everyone suffer for nothing.

I waited. I tried. And life did not improve. The memories will not fade. And the pain is always with me. Nothing matters. Everything is so pointless.

I’m sorry guys. I just wanted to thank all of you for […]

Amakua, you were the one who first helped to keep me sane, okay temporary sanity, lol, VS the “insanity I was feeling.”  Life continues to spiral, and become more messed up everyday.  I remember you, Goodgirl, The Duke of Marmalade and Dawg.  Voices of reason, when life seemed to have no reason. So, I am here again after a 4-5 month hiatus.  Obviously not here because everything is fucking groovy.  Ah, showing my age.  So, the update, or the rehash, whichever you prefer.

I am 52, married, but not living with my husband, he moved out in February, yet, we are not separated, or so I […]

If you really knew me…
You would know that I had tried to commit suicide multiple times..
You would know that it’s actually not my mom who won’t feed me. She is not the reason I don’t eat I just starve myself for days hoping to pass out and never wake up.
You would know that I was once and still is bullied emotionally and physically.
You would know that I have a dangerously low self-esteem.
You would know that I take everything really serious it’s just that most people won’t take ME serious.
You would know that I’m not usually shy and all I’m […]

Right now I have such a small amount of hope… but its enough to keep me alive…I really hope that its just enough to last…enough to get me through but its dying, getting smaller…everyday..dying. The source of my hope… Music…one song… Famous Last Words…”I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone.”……… Thanks My Chemical Romance for keeping me alive even if its just for a little while

Life fucking sucks. Might as well get that out of the way now.
Some days it would be so much easier if it were just fucking over. And some days it seems like it already is, like living days that have no substance.
I’m living, but not really there.
Why does my life suck? I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m mentally disturbed, I’m lonely, and everything.g is quite frankly very miserating. My motivation to do anything worthwhile has blantantly disappeared over the past few months. The larger disorders, the social phobias, the binge eating disorder, the anxiety, the OCD, the paranoia, they’ve been there for years. […]