General

ok… thanks anyyways everoen…

i was an alconolic for 3 years. i havn’t touched it foo about a year now but i kinda jumped back into it last week aggain. i know i shouldnt but its i know how goood it feels now that i get drunk again. normally im afraidd to talk to people or even hav simple human interacton. but when i drink tgose irrational fears r gone. but one thing that hasnt gone away  is my loneliness. so i understand if no one wantsb to talk to a drunk guy riht now… but i’d figure i’d put thos out there justt imcase…

Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort. Suffocation, no breathing. Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding.

Losing my sight, losing my mind. Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine. Nothing’s alright. Nothing is fine.

Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort.

I ruined everthing i had with my best friend since kindergarten. Just a week ago, we giggled, laughed out loud, joked, had lunch together, gave advice, told secrets, and talked about boys. I ruined it all through a stupid social site, I am stupid. I told her that i felt like a “back up friend” It’s a little true. but she is complicated. I thought we were going strong but turns out we were hanging by a piece of thread. If its that easy to lose someone, i chose not to get close to another person. I hate myself for it. The saddest thing is that she […]

I came back from a place where a couple close people in my life cared and wanted me and i go home to hell. I am in my room thinking about how bad a person i am. Outside my room, i hear yelling, crying, and things being thrown. I’m scared. I hate this. I just heard my mom say something about divorce. My parents dont want us kids. We are hopeless and trouble makers to them. they say it soo much i start to believe. I want to show them up and show them that they are wrong beyond belief BUT then again i let […]

Soy un todo, soy nada; soy lo que quieras, lo que no puedas ser. El pensamiento me traiciona, me maltrata hasta el quiebre. Inevitable comienza el descenso a mas de 100km/h, espero poder remontar antes de llegar al suelo, el impacto sería fatal. Mantngo las esperanzas pero se sienten las consecuencias de la caída. Observo con atención: las grietas aunque pequeñas duelen más de lo que pudiese imaginar. Tal vez y sólo talvez, se quiebre todo incluso metros antes de poder visualizar el suelo. Creo que se han desprendido pedazos de todos los tamaños, el movimiento los ha hecho volar como plumas.
Ya no soy […]

I dont know who I am. I never really have. From the very begining I have always been told who I was: nerd, teachers pet, goody to shoes, stright A student, “the perfect daughter”, a good catholic school girl, and the girl who would NEVER say a bad word. It has gone on for so long that I have lost myself and have no idea have to find myself again. I want to but I dont have the will power anymore. I just want to give up and let myself go numb and fall into the molds that other people have made for me. But there is this small sliver inside me that wants […]

I keep hearing that im not acting like my self latly…. Oh really?!?! You must know me better than I do because I dont even know who I am. Yet you think you know me well enough to go around telling me when im not acting like myself and when i am?  I dont think so! Every time you do this you know it pisses me off yet you keep doing it claiming that ur “just trying to help”! I am so done with you!!!

i kinda give up on suicide attempts my life is no longer that bad BUT of course its like ive grown addicted to the sadness i felt so long it wont leave so i cut..and cut..and Cut and…CUT..til i cant take nothing then i cry and wish everything was ok…but that will never be

I was wondering if anyone has hear from RheaMartin at all recently. I wasn’t too fond of her last post. I hope everything is okay.

Let us know how you are.

Cancer sucks  when the person you  look up too has it.

mom.

I try my hardest but I can’t stop her pain. Her pain is my pain. It’s hurts.

I love you mom. I lie, fight and more with you but I truly love you.

You don’t realize that you hurt me though. C heck under my braclets. I have the marks my pain. You don’t notice because you smile when you wanna cry. You can cry, I cry too…

I cut & hide. I’m worthless. I can’t find the light, and when I do its very dim. I can’t find my way. Whatever I do I can’t I don’t succeed  I never do.

My first message was to be “to anyone who loved me, I am sorry” but that does little to explain my thoughts, and those who love me deserve at least a glimpse.

I can’t imagine a better summer then the one that just passed.  Europe was quite lovely, I wish I could move there.  I smoked, I loved, I laughed. But summer is over and every year the winter seems worse than the previous one. I thought things were turning around, but autumn starts and I’m already falling again.

To Jill- I hope you don’t feel any guilt for this is not your fault.  I have only […]

They take away my books my jounals saying, “They’re what make you fail” All I want to do is yell the truth. You are what’s making me fail your the cause of my fucking suffering. YOU ruin everything, you make me die. But I stay silent. I always stay silent. Never say no, they always say. You dont know how much I’ve cried, cut, and starved myself, I’m dying and I know it, but I don’t want to stop, I want to die. Maybe I need to bleed out instead let it be faster. Let me die in peace and not your horrid screaming.

I try to smile, and say I’m fine. It’s ust getting harder to do. I’m cutting more then offen, and I’m cutting deeper. The blood gushes out and I feel better but only for a hour or two. Maybe I should just die, just let me bleed to death. I’m sick of being that perfect girl but I can’t seem to let go. I want to but I can’t. I need all the prizes, trips, awards, and fake love. It’s what’s killing me and keeping me alive.