For general topics related to the site.
I tried and tried..but I don’t even know how to express my feelings and the blurt the hell outta me. Pathetic? Yes I am.
For general topics related to the site.
I tried and tried..but I don’t even know how to express my feelings and the blurt the hell outta me. Pathetic? Yes I am.
Got in a couple of accidents that left me with a bad back. anyways life sucks ..
Last night my non biological sister (best friend) tried to commit suicide. Everyone else seem to take it calmly and act like it didn’t happen, but I just couldn’t do it. I mean I know they were probably trying to do it to let her feel relaxed, but I can’t see how they can do that when others are at risk. Anyway, as you could probably tell, I wasn’t myself at all today and one of my friends (who doesn’t know I have issues) pulled me up on it and seeing as they had suffered from suicidal thoughts in the past, I told them and […]
Sometimes I want to be told everything won’t be okay. It won’t work itself out.
My eyes are shot of and feel as if they are changing dialtions. I just feel so disgusted. I’m so tired. But so upset at what discovered. Just like I was punished I’ll punish myself. That’s all I can do. I don’t cut. I so wish I did. I didn do it for reasons and now I wish i just could. Now all i have is music.
Love songs, sex drugs. The very thing I dislike in a way. It’s now the weapon of punishment. Fitting. It’s driving me insane.
I can name many ways I failed in life. […]
Te extraño mucho
Yo soy tu ex novio del año dos mil ocho
El que te enseño a besar el que de menos te hecha
El que sigue escribiéndote canciones hasta la fecha
Sabes????? Ya me gradué de la preparatoria
y no estuviste ahà como un dÃa lo prometiste
Pero de repente apareciste en mi memoria
Me pregunto donde estabas y entonces me pude triste
Tus cartas están borrosas de mis lágrimas
Y es por eso que ya no las he vuelto a leer
No se distingue lo que escribiste en el papel
Mas no importa por que ya me las memoricé
Debes saber que […]
Ive contimplated suicide since i was 14 years old but never had the balls to do anything about it. Its 16 years later and I still cant shake the fact that i do not belong here. I come from a long line of losers and drug addicts. I used drugs for 15 years and it was the only thing that worked for me. Drank alot too. By the time i reached 27 i had developed cirrhosis and decided to get clean. It was great for a while but my skin turned back to its original color and i got better. Its 3 years later now […]
Ever try or think of committing virtual suicide?  Like, disappearing from the internet all together (or as much as possible)?  Closing every online account you have access to?  I often wonder if any of the 200 friends on my fB would notice my absence?  If I came back, would they ask me what happened or want to know why I was gone?  I doubt it.  They would just say, “there goes the drama queen again”.
Very few occassions I enjoy being here. that is only when im drunk. they make the cocktails really strong here. thats good. Thats the only good thing. I want to go home and die.
I’m going back over my old journal to see if I have grown and changed.
No.
In fact I realized I’m a horrible digrace of a human being. I only now real in a different way that I’m the judgemental coward. I am the two faced ***** the bullies talked about to my face. I didn’t see it then. Now I realize it’s true. Who the flying fuck am I to judge anyone one? I’m a nearsighted burned one hand fuck up with a bad hip flat feet and a cold heart. I see the truth for what it is. My journals have […]
I’m not suicidal, exactly. Â I don’t want to kill myself. Â I wish God would just do it for me. Â I wish I had been at the Batman screening and been killed. Â Never seeing it coming… my mind on the movie instead of my misery– then GONE. Â That’s a scenario that I can’t make happen myself. Â No one would blame me. Â No one would hate me for leaving them. Â But I’d be out of my misery.
I dont get it. After 12 times of trying to do it, I cant find the way out. Am I just scared!? Or as people who are my support chain says “it is my greatest achievement, yet it is my downfall”….. why can’t I just do it? I want a way out…. I need a way out. I never asked for anything or want what I have. I dropped out of school thanks to being bullied then I proved everyone wrong and scored a 750 out of 800 points on the GED. I wrote several bills to help fund the GED programs for my state…. […]
in·cor·ri·gi·ble
Adjective:
(of a person or their tendencies) Not able to be corrected, improved, or reformed.
this is the dictionary definition of incorrigible. most of the time depression and all the other probelms associated with it  feels like this and i know it does… i have to deal with it every single day and most of the time nothing changes it… i hate things that are incorrigble… yet everything in my life is. so therefore i hate my life and everything in it… its terrible not having anything you want to live for… and yet get up and wade through the crap day by day… hating my life […]
I’ve always questioned everything. I have no desire to conform to the societal “norm”. I get depressed when I’m faced with the reality that I have to conform in order to live how I want to live. But how is it living at all? It’s modern slavery. I don’t want to die, so what else can I do? I had no say in this. I had no choice. I was born and now here I am. I’m stuck in this body, on this planet, in this country, in my town. I didn’t choose any of this. This was put upon me and now I have […]
Well I guess someone has to take the blame…
Were do you turn when you’re backed into a Corner? Most people would say push your way out, they’ve never been in that corner.
So I will start off by saying if you’re taking the time of day to read this thanks. Maybe I’m crazy, but my future has been decided. People say you can trust family and lean on them when life’s beat you down. That’s funny because my family’s the one’s who like to see me stumble, from my Dad who called me a piece of shit and says he hates me because […]
Goodbye guys. Ill
Be waiting for my ticket then catch the bus home…its been great, thanks everyone.
I don’t think we are so different from the moths. Most of us don’t know why we’re here and we all seem to stumble around aimlessly, congregating at various social points to exchange useless, meaningless banter.  If there is a higher intelligence, we are most definitely his moths. I’m not trying to bring you down. Some of us moths enjoy the social points and some of us actually DO have something meaningful to say. Maybe the moth smelled the sweet aroma, felt the soothing warm vapors and saw the twinkles of reflecting light in the mysterious abyss he decided to become one with… or maybe […]
Isn’t a
Fairy Tale
That I once thought
Or
Hoped and believed
Of…
Life
is different…
I wish
I was
A kid again
And
This time
Stay
As a kid.
I will be gone by the end of September. The only thing I an unhappy about missing is a TV show. Oh, yeah I definitely have a lot to live for. A tv show.
It just goes to show what a loser I am.
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