For general topics related to the site.
Very few occassions I enjoy being here. that is only when im drunk. they make the cocktails really strong here. thats good. Thats the only good thing. I want to go home and die.
For general topics related to the site.
Very few occassions I enjoy being here. that is only when im drunk. they make the cocktails really strong here. thats good. Thats the only good thing. I want to go home and die.
I’m going back over my old journal to see if I have grown and changed.
No.
In fact I realized I’m a horrible digrace of a human being. I only now real in a different way that I’m the judgemental coward. I am the two faced ***** the bullies talked about to my face. I didn’t see it then. Now I realize it’s true. Who the flying fuck am I to judge anyone one? I’m a nearsighted burned one hand fuck up with a bad hip flat feet and a cold heart. I see the truth for what it is. My journals have […]
I’m not suicidal, exactly. Â I don’t want to kill myself. Â I wish God would just do it for me. Â I wish I had been at the Batman screening and been killed. Â Never seeing it coming… my mind on the movie instead of my misery– then GONE. Â That’s a scenario that I can’t make happen myself. Â No one would blame me. Â No one would hate me for leaving them. Â But I’d be out of my misery.
I dont get it. After 12 times of trying to do it, I cant find the way out. Am I just scared!? Or as people who are my support chain says “it is my greatest achievement, yet it is my downfall”….. why can’t I just do it? I want a way out…. I need a way out. I never asked for anything or want what I have. I dropped out of school thanks to being bullied then I proved everyone wrong and scored a 750 out of 800 points on the GED. I wrote several bills to help fund the GED programs for my state…. […]
in·cor·ri·gi·ble
Adjective:
(of a person or their tendencies) Not able to be corrected, improved, or reformed.
this is the dictionary definition of incorrigible. most of the time depression and all the other probelms associated with it  feels like this and i know it does… i have to deal with it every single day and most of the time nothing changes it… i hate things that are incorrigble… yet everything in my life is. so therefore i hate my life and everything in it… its terrible not having anything you want to live for… and yet get up and wade through the crap day by day… hating my life […]
I’ve always questioned everything. I have no desire to conform to the societal “norm”. I get depressed when I’m faced with the reality that I have to conform in order to live how I want to live. But how is it living at all? It’s modern slavery. I don’t want to die, so what else can I do? I had no say in this. I had no choice. I was born and now here I am. I’m stuck in this body, on this planet, in this country, in my town. I didn’t choose any of this. This was put upon me and now I have […]
Well I guess someone has to take the blame…
Were do you turn when you’re backed into a Corner? Most people would say push your way out, they’ve never been in that corner.
So I will start off by saying if you’re taking the time of day to read this thanks. Maybe I’m crazy, but my future has been decided. People say you can trust family and lean on them when life’s beat you down. That’s funny because my family’s the one’s who like to see me stumble, from my Dad who called me a piece of shit and says he hates me because […]
Goodbye guys. Ill
Be waiting for my ticket then catch the bus home…its been great, thanks everyone.
I don’t think we are so different from the moths. Most of us don’t know why we’re here and we all seem to stumble around aimlessly, congregating at various social points to exchange useless, meaningless banter.  If there is a higher intelligence, we are most definitely his moths. I’m not trying to bring you down. Some of us moths enjoy the social points and some of us actually DO have something meaningful to say. Maybe the moth smelled the sweet aroma, felt the soothing warm vapors and saw the twinkles of reflecting light in the mysterious abyss he decided to become one with… or maybe […]
Isn’t a
Fairy Tale
That I once thought
Or
Hoped and believed
Of…
Life
is different…
I wish
I was
A kid again
And
This time
Stay
As a kid.
I will be gone by the end of September. The only thing I an unhappy about missing is a TV show. Oh, yeah I definitely have a lot to live for. A tv show.
It just goes to show what a loser I am.
to be here, even though being here is the one thing I don’t want
they want me to stay here so they don’t have to question, maybe change their opinions on life and death
suicide acts as a brutal wake-up for others and people want to stay cosy in their beds of “life can’t be discouraging to the point of giving up on it”, “God has a purpose for everyone” etc
I don’t want to accomplish nor have to prove anything
I’m not interested in socializing and I can’t stand routine .. how can I survive in society with this state of mind ?
also, I bother less and less […]
I have a great night planned tomorrow night. Basically, it’s a trial run of my last couple of hours here.
First up, I’ll be having a KFC Zinger Burger. I know it’s not the most glamourous last meal.  But, the humble Zinger burger is in my Top 10 Favourite Foods, so it’ll do the job. I may even get a piece of Original Recipe to go with it.
Then, I’ll be going to the spot that I mentioned a few weeks back. I’ll sit there for a while and contemplate everything and nothing.
Finally, I’ll continue what I started on Sunday, and experiment with self-strangulation. I hope to […]
Feeling completely unwanted and unloved. I have nobody in my life who really cares. Not family, not really friends. Every day I go to work, and I wonder why am I still alive. Who am I bringing all this money to? Just me. Everybody I get close to, I end up losing in the end. There is like this barrier around me, keeping love away from me, even though I welcome it with open arms. My method is very easy, and could do it right now. My life has no meaning to it. I’m just here. I keep waiting for an angel to walk into […]
I found myself in a place where I don’t have any point to live.. I am alone, no friends, nothing to do, no skills.. I don’t see myself being happy one day.. And I know It’s all my fault. I am just existing right now, and I know someday I will take my life away.,,
Ok I’m not good at sharing my feelings but it comes to a point when you have to I guess. I found this site with a google search on how to disappear and I figured what could it possible make worse for me.
A lot of things have happened to me in my life that, as I see it now, are pretty shitty but they never used to hold me down. My mother killed herself when I was about 4 years old and the image of finding her there on her bed is burned into my memory, A terrible father that pursued his own ventures while […]
Well, I guess I’m not ban-worthy. sigh. I probably should stick around, anyway. Last night was just really bad. I spent hours writing about my life but when I posted it, I got zero responses, despite other people posting and commenting after my post. It just really made me feel stupid for thinking anyone would care about my middle-class white ass.
To the one I helplessly watch fade. Remember: Identity crisis doesn’t have to be a curse. I thought of it as such for years, but then I realized that it allowed me to be whoever I wished. This led to the birth of Nolen, as well as a beautiful relationship that I will cherish always. You may feel lost and hopeless, but you know there’s a part of you inside that lurks in the shadows and bides it’s time.  It was born out of despair and raised Alpha to be manifested through Riley. You were in love with life for a short moment. Just because […]
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