It’s getting worse

Everyday I just get more and more depressed. I feel like I don’t have anything happening in my life. All I do is go to school all day, come home and sleep, and then spend about 3 hours on homework. It feels like every time I wake up, it’s just ‘another day’ y’know? I feel like my life has become stagnant, it’s not going anywhere. I have a few friends at school, but I don’t feel like I really fit in anywhere, and I just miss my best friend who is now doing home school, and I know I shouldn’t even be complaining because I see her every weekend anyways. I guess school is just a lot harder and more lonely without her there and it is making me more depressed.  The urge to cut is getting much stronger, and I don’t think I can make it much longer. I’ve come back to the state of mind where I want to do such destructive things to myself because it’s the only way I think I can survive, and it’s so stupid! I know it won’t solve anything, but I’m starting to not care again.

But the thing I hate most is that I feel like such a whiny ***** who’s just bothering everyone with these stupid posts when I have barely any real problems, and I hate myself for it but at the same time I’m trying to open up and let things out and I don’t know how to, other than anonymously on the internet. It’s hard for me to write these things because I want to let it out but everytime I’m trying to tell myself to just shut the hell up and deal with it because you have nothing to be upset about. And I’m just so tired of it I feel like I could just give up.