General

My Life in a word.Catastrophe. If you could describe your life in a word. What word you you use.?

For people like me.

I feel so isolated in my thoughts and beliefs.

I long to know people who feel the same way I do.

I want a stranger to converse with, someone to hold my hand through the journey.

Maybe I’d think different if I wasn’t so alone?

Maybe I just need people in my life to make my life exciting.

About a week ago, I felt like maybe the medication was helping.  I smiled, unconsciously, for possibly the first time in years.  And for a couple days I felt maybe it was possible for me to be happy.  But a couple of days is all that I get, before I’m miserable again.  I really don’t know if I have the energy to pick up the pieces again.

there’s no point in being here. i think dropping off the map for a while will help. talking to someone close about things that bother me, don’t seem to help. since i am reminded about how pointless everything is, and how worthless that makes me feel.

So, first off I’ll admit I’ve thought about committing suicide and I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels when it’s your only option. My heart sincerely goes out to all of you in this situation, this is my little story from last year. I hope it helps anyone who feels as though no one cares.

I met her through an online friend. She lived in Western Australia, I knew she was troubled but she eventually let me in, she was my first lesbian crush and she gave me the confidence to come out to friends and family. We would text everyday and our feelings […]

I just really can’t be fucked with any of it. Like, everyone has reasons. Think about it, why do you go to work? to school? Because you have a reason to. All my life, i’ve believed there had to be a reason for depression. But I have no idea what is bringing this on. Sure, I have a few friends, I can laugh, I can play, whatever. I’m a decent worker. But still, everyday the thought gets stronger and stronger, why am I doing this?  I mean really. I wake up, I get dressed, I have breakfast. But only because it has become something of […]

If done safely with the purpose of alleviating emotional pain, what’s the big fucking deal?  Can somebody shed some light on why such a practice is so shunned and ridiculed in our society?  Because as an alternative to suicide (no duh) or using drugs it seems like it would be the better tool.

I don’t know what is wrong with me.

I remember cutting and then I remember getting better. It’s been almost a year since I’ve cut my arms or legs. I feel like….I have too. It hurts to think about it, but it sounds so, so soothing.

I want help. I want my parents to know what I have been going through, how depressed I am, how I’ve been/am suicidal. I want them to know that I got my scar from a knife, not from falling down. I want to get better, be happier, I don’t want death to be an everyday thought. I want to enjoy life.

But at the same time, I don’t see how ‘professional help’ will actually help me. I would probably be prescribed anti-depressants. As much as I don’t like being depressed, I feel as though if I don’t have those emotions going through my mind I’ll feel empty. Kind of like […]

In my mind I am beautiful

but my eyes glance upon my reflection

and in my mind I am ugly 

ugly ugly ugly.

ugly.

Why can’t I be beautiful like you?

Or you?

Or you?

I just saw my aunt today. She has cancer. I wish I can do something just to make her health better. Unfortunately, I can’t . I hope she can fight it seamlessly. If I can have a wish that can be granted, I’ll have every person’s cancer, so they can enjoy their lives.

Question time, ask me a question.

If it was meant to be

It would have happened

He would have tried

He would have

Tried to visit no matter what

He would have been truthful

He would have never ignored me

He would have been a man

If he really loved me

Cared for me

Missed me

He would have risked for another chance

He would have never moved on…

It was never really love…

Was it…?

If it was love

Then he should tell me instead of running away

Right…?

That is the date I have tattooed on my leg along with the depiction of the galactic alignment of our planet,moon and center of the milky way. To me it is the finish line. After that I can proceed with my plans to relieve myself of this fuckin bullshit life. I have been going over exactly how to do this and which is the best for me (being a huge *****) for over two years now and I have honed it down to a rather easy self deliverance method that I hope will take me from this hell on […]