General

Anyone else ever feel like they’re in some movie. Here I am sitting in my dark room with depressing-ish music, door closed yet I hear family playing with my niece and laughing and such. Or maybe just a feeling of being on the outside of life, and you just watch everyone else go throughout their lives. Some specter.

Im laying it all out, im tired, and I hurt all the time. Emotions suck, depression hits me like a brick, im ready to call on him to do what he will. Im so sad of trying, just to fail over and over again, im a horrible man, thats what she always told me, now im lost without her, and no one cares.

I hate my life.  I’ve always hated my life.  I tried to kill myself when I was eight.  Obviously it didn’t work.  I’ve overdosed I don’t know how many times.  I’m a burden on everyone.  Even my therapist and psychiatrist.   I think they both hate me.  My one and only friend doesn’t really care, she just feels sorry for me.  Nobody would care if I died.  I think it’s time to go…

I hate how often I can read a post on here…but I can’t say anything. All I want to do is give the person a hug or something…

I said I wouldn’t be back…… but after hovering around watching a lot of other posts I felt I couldn’t resist posting again.

I haven’t cut in 2 months, or drunk anything either. Have been going to work at night, exercise. Have eaten food now again (but instead of the anorexia it is bulimia that has taken over – binge and purge and have not kept any food down in 2 months). Feel so fat and even have put on weight because of the stupid puking, but only a kilo, not much but feels like 20.

I tried to find meaning, tried to see something, but there […]

Is thats it right? nothing gets better only worse. i been through my fair share of unhappiness.i cut my wrist and  let my soul to be taken i put my whole life into that misriable misery what else is there. do i not see the fastest method to just end this pAin this grif. i cant let death come quietly without backing out being a coward. im  not strong anymore im weak my life has fallen apart to where i dont have anything else to live for.i had a great life but i dont know what i did im the cause of this pain of […]

I can’t believe I just fucking did that again. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I miss Luis <3

I don’t even have anything to say. I just want to talk to someone, Someone who can stop me feeling like this. Suicide really sounds like fun right about now, and i want drugs. To fuck myself up. I just don’t have access to many… I’m hating on myself big time right now. So many fucking things are worrying me. I can’t do this last year at school… You guys know how hard the last one was for me. This year is going to be even worse..

So I believe it’s time to make like a tree and leaf.

😉 <3

a couple of months havent been here.. Black and white days came and left..

July 3rd. I got a call from a friend… She told that one of our best friends in ambulance just found dead. Couldn’t drive, eat or think. I was totally shocked. He had 3 months old son and a beautiful wife who was married before half year.. And You say life is fair?! Now job became not so lovely.. Seeing his car, missing his laugh, support, his lonely uniform kills my heart. I am ready to leave ambulance and being one step from new job. My friend, he was super paramedic, is […]

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! the little twisted physchotic *****. so today here is what ive been told in just the past hour from the *****.
“go to hell” “do my chores before i suffocate u” ( no joke she did it last night for 2min) “make my hair pretty” five minutes later…”GOD DAMN U FUCKING IDIOT GO TO HELL U CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT! i hate it u made my hair look ugly just like u” i was cleanin my room…”why r u cleaning ur room its not like it needs to be clean u wont have sex anytime soon with the way u […]

Is it painless to starve to death?

I can’t stand to talk to anyone anymore.  So far the majority of people I have  shared my life with have been total fuck tards, narscistic pricks and abusive assholes.

Im tired of thinking that I’m the demented oversensitive idiot all the time.

Sick of being fucked on.

Are there any decent people in the world who are NOT assholes?

Wtf is it with everyone latel

Are there any suicide methods who can’t fail?

I have never really had real friends to be there for me to help me out with problems. I was always alone lost, confused about life, and about being alive to be suffering this way. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now and he always blames me for losing my baby. I lost my family my whole life honestly I don’t even reconize myself anymore… Everyday I become more and more depressed and I can’t handle it anymore. I’m tired of being home without doing anything about the situation. The love of my life is hurting me his family always hanging up on […]

I have everything someone could want in life. Loving friend’s and family, a girlfriend who would do anything for me, I have all the material possessions anyone could want, and have been given everything I’ve needed and then some…
So why do I still hate my life?
I feel so alone because no one understands me. It’s as if my pleasures in life are the opposite of others. I long for my days off work so I can spend them to myself and do NOTHING. I enjoy having nothing to do, as that means there is nothing to worry about.
I’m sick of making excuses […]

Every day I drag myself out of bed, stare into the mirror and ask myself , “Is this really worth it?”
It all seems so pointless.
I have everything I could possibly want though, so I should be happy, right? 
Why is there this feeling of emptiness?
I think something is wrong with me..
Everyone tells me I need to see a professional; even my own father.
Am I selfish? .. Insane?
Friends offer no support.
I feel drained of all energy..
It’s like I’m just waiting to die.
…
What do you do when you’ve lost all hope?