General

I was sitting here in my room its 4:46 in the morning and i just realized, i came face to face with her killer. he even took me to her funeral, i dont belive it. im shedding tears and i dont even mean to cry but it makes my heart skip a beat to belive i just realized something so cold. He gave her every single pill knowing her problem. His voice is in my head and how he cryed at the funeral and couldnt even stand to go to the barial cause he know he fucking did it, i am so angry now i could […]

does it worry anyone else that we have a wildly growing population but only one planet worth of resources to consume?  i wonder what things will be like as resources become scarce in the industrialized world.  well, at least it will be interesting.

today i am visiting the beach.  upon my arrival i discovered two lovely young women and a strong and kind young man.  the young man helped me to move what’s left of the broken piano to the fire.  the women took turns being mermaids in the waves and we played for hours.  what more could i have hoped for?  why am i still so so unhappy?

They say not to go back to your ex. He’s bad. He doesnt deserve you. He doesnt care about you.
In the back of my mind I know theyre right…but the same people that tell me this can never provide the comfort he gives me when he isnt yelling, throwing things, or calling me names.
None of them are never there at times like these..when I need someone to talk to..and he’s asleep on the phone right now…all i have to do his wake him up and he’ll clear his throat and say “yeah babe? Were you saying something?”
But where are all of you…you […]

why am i still here?!? where the fucks the self destruct button.the drugs, the drinking and the cutting just isnt enough. sure it eases the pain, but it will never change reality. death is only around the corner but this road never ends. everyday is more painful then the day before. i dont know whats real anymore. i stare into space and just constently daydream, but i will never escape reality. not until im dead. and its all i ever think about. death and suicide. i think of every way possible to kill myself, it just ticks over and over in my head. i dont […]

dude, wtf. i dont give hell if u had a gf when u asked this i just know it was TRUE! u snuck me upstairs when i was at ur place, to talk privately, u asked me why had my phone taken away i told u, and u said uve done the same thing and neva gotten caught. ok? i tell u bout my depression, u were passive bout it. well it was the 1st time we actually carried on a conversation. then u started saying i was pretty, nice, and then u asked to have sex. well i said NO. i told ur roomate […]

My number is 850-632-0697.

Bully – Shinedown

Make It Stop – Rise Against

Jumper – Third Eye Blind

Never Too Late – Three Days Grace

To Write Love On Her Arms – Between The Trees

The Call – Matt Kennon

Don’t Laugh At Me – Mark Wills

Everybody Hurts – R.E.M.

Don’t Jump – Tokio Hotel

How To Save A Life – The Fray

Falling Away From Me – KoRn (well its about if your being abused to speak up. dont believe me look it up)

Savin’ Me – Nickelback

Jeremy – Pearl Jam (Seeing them live in Sept. 😀 )

Hold […]

Finally!! 

Ok idk if anyone in this site cares but my mum finally is listening to me. Life before was horrible i was depressed sad and was cutting my legs.. My mum found out about my cutting and was kinda mad at first but after she calmed down she said that i was going with her to the doctor so he can see wats wrong with me.. Im kinda scared.. Cause i usually dont tell anyone about my OCD, Anxiety (Separation) , and Panic attacks.. But she wants to make sure that I’m healthy.. But i lost another friend today.. Oh well i don’t need any […]

It’ll still be at least 90 minutes before everyone else is passed out and I can grab a knife

I haven’t been on for a few months, and a few years before that, I just didn’t have a computer to get online with. Anyway, everytime I’ve tried killing myself before (I’ve seriously stopped counting) a “miracle” (in the words of the doctors) happened that kept me alive. I’m gonna try again tonight, the only thing is that I don’t want to be alone when I die. It’s pathetic, but I was born alone and I literally raised myself, I just want to not be alone this one time. Anyway, good luck to you all and I’ll see you in another […]

. My “hidden” boyfriend of two and a half years committed suicide August 29th, 2011.  No one knew about us. and cause he was 5 years older then me, we decided that it would probably be the best idea for no one to know.  I only saw him 5 times while we were together.. crazy I know, but I believe it was love that kept up together. The last time I saw him he was upset with his father, and he said to me, ”  i’m just going to kill myself” and I didnt believe him. I beat myself up daily for it. I dont […]

This place is so different. I haven’t been on in so long but everything has changed. This place used to be the best place to come when I was suicidal or something but now….now everyone just judges and has an enormous attitude. I hate it here now. All the people the I knew on here are gone. Posts have changed….rules have changed. It makes me so sad to think that this place will never be the same.

My name is Nell, im 27. The only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause I found my cousin after he did. I was brought up to always try and got hard till I makes it, and I have been doing that but havent made nothing but problem for myself and those who cares for me. I slowly lost everything and I havent found a way to get it back. I look for jobs and have not luck, I even got to school and have to sit out due to car wrecks, life issues, etc. I help others but can never figure oit […]

I have done some bad things throughout my life and have paid the price. However, when i do my best to do the right thing and make it work i am met with opposition on every corner. I want simple things. I met a woman after i was released from prison and have been with her ever since. She was my first everything. I ‘ve taken care of every member of her family. Was a father to her children. Taught them the right way. I have helped others along the way out of the goodness of my heart, not for anything in return. Hell, i […]

Regrets are such set backs for me. For example, today, I was thinking about when I lost my virginity (I mentioned this in a previous post). I try not to to think about it too much, but, it kept coming into my mind today…

Anyway, I was thinking what a stupid decision it was. How I could have turned this guy down and just not have done it in the first place. I remember, the day of, I felt great, confident, and just really cool ( as any 13 year old would after having sex…). Same with the day after, only a few very close friends […]

A friend who wished I would have allowed her to be my girlfriend jumped off a bridge and died.  I was once late for work because I spent time talking to somone

who was on the other side of the bridge.  There was no mention of a death so figure had a part of preventing a death that day.

I myself have survived a number of near deaths many of them the result of

extreme depression. There have been even more times than I will remember when my formula kept me from slicing an vein: “if the issue is I do not want to live any longer because the pain is […]