General

its decided ive picked a date and theres ni turning back now im relived that it will soon be over since theres no use staying alive now im finally at peace

I just don’t understand why I’m like this, see i’ve been on this page for a while, i’ve read peoples stories. I just don’t understand why i’m like this, i let everything just pile up inside of me and it sucks,  I don’t want to die but sometimes its just the only choice, I haven’t really honestly tried yet, but I honestly feel like I could someday if something bad enough were to happen it could go down, I don’t want other people to see me differently, but I am different. I’m socially awkward, I think negative of everything I do. everytime I lose a […]

yup. i shall cut tonight. i think i may have hope to make it through another night but i must see some blood!!!!!!!!! im so mad at myself and all the stress i cause people. i make myself miserable. i dont deserve anything but scars and tears:/

I am 50 shades of fucked up.

I never let anything out of my control, I always have to be very sure that there isn’t anything outside of my reach. I’m manipulative, deceitful, and I’m so good at it that nobody would even believe me if I told them. Everyone thinks I’m sweet, shy, quiet. I’m emotionally cut off from the world. I can be cute and adorable to whoever I want to date me, and they will fall for me without even knowing what they are getting in to. I can be sexually manipulative, taking advantage of how easy it is for me to turn […]

I just feel like no one understands me, I don’t really understand myself but I just wish other people would. I get bullied alot, I get bullied because I am a girl who doesn’t feel comfortable in my own skin, I act like a boy, and hang around with boys because I just can not stand girls and i dont know why! its not that i want to be a boy, at some times i think i do but im not sure! but whatever i just dont get along with girls and its anoying because i get bullied for that. i get bullied for the way […]

I’ve written about it several times and have read other peoples take on it, the inability/lack of desire to get up and go after work.

I want to leave so badly; I work too many hours and I’m not paid for any time I spend here outside of 9-5. I come in hours early, stay too late, go in on weekends…

I want to get up and go now, but there’s nothing to go to. I can go to my mothers house and hang around with my kid brother. I could do something right and getting him on track with his schooling and tutoring.

I feel […]

Funny thing is the way I found this site was I searched on google “Methods for suicide”

I accidently cut myself while i was shaving and i couldn’t help but notice how fulfilling it felt to watch that stream of blood pouring down my leg and i swear i could have watched it forever if i didn’t have to get out of the shower. I finally understand what cutter’s mean when they explain how alive you can feel by seeing your own blood. Don’t get me wrong though,i will not start to self harm because of this.

i HATE how im so shy, cant even make new friends so i can get ruid of my old.. they’re so fucking stupid sometimes, cant they see that they things they say to me hurt me? or that i am stuck in this depression and they’re not even there for me.. not even close. they ignore my sadness like its no big fucking deal. tho one day i may very well never wake up. and they will all regret how they didnt even try to save me! my one friend steals my food tho she knows very well i have eating disorders, they call me […]