General

I always feel the worst around this time.

This Christmas though, I had good reason.

My history teacher decided that he wanted to have a secret santa this year which was fine with me, i like to give people presents and watch their reactions, watch their eyes light up when I know I have gotten them exactly what they wanted, but they don’t know I got it for them. It’s just like the “real” Santa Claus, the story we all know, grew up with, tell to our children in hopes that the magic will last longer for them then it did for us, because it is jus […]

Penn and Teller BS NDE\’s

I found this tonight while talking to a friend. This is the other side of NDE’s, it’s all natural due to the lack of oxygen to the brain and just a normal dream or abnormal dream experience.

I guess I always looked at it from Penn and Teller’s view, yet I still chose to believe that even if its a man made situation that brings humans to the point of this experience it still niether proves nor disproves that there is or isn’t anything past this existence.

Thankfully people speak up for both sides of this issue.

i told my mom about how i feel…. i made her cry and now feel a bit worse hopefully it gets better…. i may be going to therapy after xmas.. in a way I’m kinda looking forward to it….. hopefully it helps since only my boyfriend and kinda family are there for me

I can’t take this pain anymore. It’s eating my insides away every minute, every day. Nothing I can do can get rid of it and nothing will every get rid of it. It’s too late. I’ve been hurt so bad i can’t see happiness. All I see every day when I walk out my house is Darkness. A black sky no moon or sun shining. The plants all dead never to be green again. The water is black to turn you sick and mad. In my eyes all I see is Darkness and within it Sadness, Anger, and Despair. To make me happy or feel another emotion again, you have to remove these from my eye’s […]

Annita Moorjani

I have to give credit to SoftSoul for posting a link last week, I just found a few extra videos at Anita’s site, also including the first 2 that SoftSoul had linked here.

To all which seek with open minds about the afterlife, or alternate existence after physical death

Okay, let me state the obvious. I am a screw up. Can’t get any simpler than that. So tonight, when my dad asked what I wanted for dinner I said, “What does it matter? You’ll make what you want. We always have the same thing.” His response? “DAMMIT ALEXIS, WHY DON’T YOU GO SHOPPING WITH NO MONEY AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN GET!” I said nothing and fell back into staring at Facebook. My dad yells at me so fucking much, and I hate it. He knows I hate it. I guess some people can never changed…just like some people aren’t trustworthy.

this is my first post so please forgive me for run-ons or whiney venting…

10 halloweens ago in 01′ is when these tendencies really began to accelerate inside my head and my heart and my soul even though i’d felt the onset of depression when my dad left at age 9 and the onset of suicide at that manic age of 14.

long story short…

my senior year of HS i was dealt an incredible blow to my already fractured self-esteem and sense of self worth when I was detained (wrongfully in the end) and beaten (bloodied and fractured) by local officers in my town in front of […]

well. the other day i decided to tell my friend my biggest secret..she didnt take it so well and now wont talk to me… also hardly any of my friends are trying to help me with my depression. my one friend said she doesnt want to be around the “negative energy” so i basically only have my boyfriend. and im happy all the time when i talk to him, but when i dont talk to him im so sad i feel like falling asleep and never waking up. i dont know what to do… in a way i want to go to therapy.. but then […]

People say going to help and speak to others will take your mind off your own death wish and change your perspective.

I have done that. Worked in the soup kitchens, the missions, the childrens hospitals, buying the homeless meals, donating coothing and items,  listening to people’s issues in life… especially on SP.

Did not work. Just made life look worse.

All this technology and there is still disease, rape, murder, abuse, molestation, theft, fraud, deceit, war, poverty,  racism, sexism ageism, class warfare, nepotism, etc etc.

Ipads, Ipods, Iphones, Macs, PC’s, Northstar,  Google Earth, GPS, Automated Weapons, Aircraft, Neural Networks, Exosuits, Computerized toilets, the first real Androids, Cloud, etc.

Ideologies, […]

Hi,

I havent posted in a while,figured that i would be “fair” and give this DBT therapy a try,and perhaps make it long enough to go one a last trip.

I thought i *might* be able to make it(to the trip at least,certainly not forever) but now things have been snowballing,I keep messing up,and then the final straw came two nights ago. My BF informed me that i was not welcome at his parents house for Xmas this year. The official reason is that they are upset that i contacted his sister when i was feeling really down a few months back,apparently it left a “bad impression” […]

i tried to not feel the way i do i tried not to cut

i got out the house and tried to make friends and keep a job

but i still feel the way i have done

im not loved or cared for my sister hates me i got no one to turn to

i sit a lone all day things be better if i was not here anymore

but i cart ever do that right i tried and it did not work

but i got a plan to end it all end this hell and pain i go tho every day.

The past week has been really hard with a lot of things, and the past two days especially have been bad. It got to the point where the other night I tried to kill myself. Sadly it was a complete failure but my plan was to walk down to the main road near my house thats like a half mile away. Then i was gonna get myself hit by a car, it was going to be pretty easy. so It was like 2:00 when I went out. I sat on the side of the road for 2.5 hours. No cars came. It was a complete […]

this is it – i have no more faith,, no more will power

tonight’s the night…

This question is so overused but i mean why am i such a coward. why cant i confront my fears and just turn a blind eye to everything that’s happened to me..

only someone really inappreciative about their lives would think of ending everything right..?

im confused and dont know what to do anymore because life has bitten me in the butt and im too weak to handle the pain.

someone help? im tired of being alone..

I’ve been feeling so miserable lately, actually most of my life. I feel no one knows that I exist on this planet. I need the know the truth, I’ve been living in lies may whole life. Crying every single day wishing I never been born. I seem to bee so happy to others, But they don’t know how I really feel. Breaking into tears, angry at everyone i know, Living in secrets and lies. Being in Darkness.

I have a boyfriend! For almost a month I have been 95% happy and THAT is amazing. We have hit a snag in the road and I can’t tell if its my depression or him being over sensitive. But whatever the cause it has made me reconsider us. How can I build a life with someone when not too long ago I wanted to end mine…I still do. I don’t even want to give it to the end of the year anymore. I am thinking this summer…maybe spring. Why prolong it.