General

I’m sorry for leaving you.

I just couldn’t handle this phobia.

I ain’t placing any blame.

I just wasn’t happy.

Only when i smoked weed and/or did zopiclone, played guitar and talked to george.

When i smoked weed and/or took zopiclone, playing guitar feels kinda spiritual, like i’m connecting with the drugs, guitar and music.

But when i come down from the drugs i’m just right back to square one.

Depression. Because of my phobia. And i just sit and cry, wishing i’d die

I was actually gonna go months ago, but i stayed, for you mum, and george, who’s my best friend.

The only true friend and person i ever talked to. I’m […]

Hello my friends,

I hope the Christmas day is not being too unkind.

The intention of this post is to introduce myself. I imagine I will be here for a while, and thought it polite to do so before sharing out the trite advice of which I find so often to be true. But I must first apologise; I am in a bad frame of mind tonight and realise I may sound incomprehensible.

You should know that i have decided to make a change. I have decided [selfishly] that to better help myself, I will attempt to help others. You see, I have run out of ideas and am now desperate. This is my […]

I can’t live with this phobia any longer

I told you all it’s what made me suicidal and i wanted to get it sorted out before we started with the ocd and anxiety therapy. Which we didn’t ’cause my therapists didn’t listen to me.

I ain’t placing any blame even if it sounds like it.

I’m sorry for leaving you mum, don’t think i didn’t appreciate all you did for me.

I’m sorry i never showed how much i love you and how much you meant to me.

We had our ups and downs, i still love you though, no matter what.

And dad, i don’t really know what to say, […]

Do you ever feel like you  live your entire life waiting for something?  Wait until next year, then things will get better.  Wait until I  graduate high  school, college, law school — then life will start.  Wait until  I  meet the  right guy, then I will be happy.  Wait, wait, wait.

I’ve been waiting for almost 15 years now.  I always think  the next accomplishment will be  the one to make me happy.   But the longer I live and the more I accomplish, the emptier I feel.  I graduated from high school at the top of my class.  I was a National Merit Scholar and […]

i know this post doesnt belong here, on a website about depression and suicide, but i really need to do something other than cry about it.

Nixon was my cat since i was born, when i lived in a different state. I remember him scratching me when i petted him in the eyes when i was about three. I remember him scratching me when my parents were arguing. I remember falling asleep during breakfast and nixon rubbed my hand which was hanging down. he used to rub against my grandmas hand while we ate and she would say “no i wont give you food.” Mostly I […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVbctV4RTBc&feature=BFa&list=PL342AB87977777904&lf=mh_lolz&index=2
^This is my favourite song from a band named Sigur Ros. It does not contain any real lyrics, so the song was made for “the Listener to create their own story, their own meaning. Enjoy^

I include that, because that is what I am listening to as of now, and what I was listening to when I was over a friend’s house christmas eve morning.  I got drunk over a friend’s house, to which I found out while driving that I was unable to drive (haha), so I called a girl and asked her if I would be able to sleep over, she said yes.  […]

WARNING: The post you are about to read is incredibly long and melodramatic and really not worth reading. Proceed at your own risk.

Hello all. Some of you may remember me, but I doubt it, not that it matters. I hope your holiday season is going better than mine.

I lost my job yesterday for flipping off a customer. I was already pretty upset about it, then I talked to my mother, who confirmed most of my greatest fears in just a few sentences. Her words were something along the lines of “I knew this would happen, it was only a matter of time. Everytime you called […]

The more i think about it the better it sounds and my familliy doesn’t celebrate chistmas so i wouldnt ruin anything as far as the holidays go but i thought that just sounded nice

Hurt and pain so very much of it. I have lost my parents, my husband, my home, my job, my children are back and forth between they love me when I am doing things for them but mostly they just love their dad. I have been raped, beaten, violated, and generally  mistreated a great deal of my life, all I had hopes for were my children and on Christmas eve I can not even get a return phone call after spending several grand and a mostly happy day yesterday. I give to them, to everyone around me. People say I am such a good person, […]

Well Its just turned Christmas day in Scotland. In the morning I have the joys of visiting family members I never see or hear from and put on a fake smile and act like I don’t wanna grab a knife and slash my wrists in front of them when they ask the bullshit question – “How are you?” My response will obviously be “Ye fine thanks” because that’s what they want to hear. They only wanna make small talk because that’s what everyone does at so called ‘celebrations’. I would turn down going but as I stated in an earlier post, I’ve disappointed my mum […]

I never noticed but when you look at comments through dashboard you can see peoples email adresses. Can I email you guys that way? Do you guys care? I’m bored…

Hmmm, where do I even start? I guess I’ll start with my childhood. It was nothing great. I was severe abused; mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was starved, being locked in my room for days and when I was at my weakest point beaten for the littlest things. The parent held responsible? My father.

My parents were still together at the time, my mother was just working constantly. Though, whenever I would tell my mom about the severe abuse, she would just confront my father about it. Which lead to more disciplined as soon as my mom left for work.

Going into fifth grade, I […]

For ********? I’m desperate and will travel by bus to Tijuana to get it….but I would like a reliable source first.

Dear santa,
I wrote you but you still ain’t callin’
Christmas is just around the corner and snow is fallin’
I sent two letters back in autumn i guess you haven’t gott’em yet
Unless you did and you just haven’t replied you fat lazy git
Whatzzup man, you been out again playin’ golf?
Anywayz, what’s happenin’, say hi to my mate rudolph
I think he’s a crazy reindeer as it goes
With them silly dumb-ass antlers, man, and that crazy red nose
Anyway forget about that, man here’s my present list
I hope i get what i want or else i’ll be well (pissed)
I […]

Stanta

Today, tommorow, ill spend my christmas without my family. Ill spend christmas with this insecure girl. She can’t keep it together, she doesn’t know what she wants. Her thoughts control her mind constantly, she can’t close her eyes and pretend shes someone else, because closing your eyes on the the world is only for cowards. so this girl will face everyday, hurting, and trying. i promise im trying to get through this. someone save me from this life. I don’t know where this life is taking me. Im terrified of everyday that come. My past is my past, but im 18 years old and my […]